Please advise on bed time with two little ones

[chiwaawa]

I have an almost 3 year old and 9 month old..

My H does not get home until around 8:30-9 pm every night and I'm finding it really difficult to get them both to bed on time.

3 year old has started at a nursery where we need to be there at 8:30 am, ready to go.

The little one used to be easier to get to sleep, but is now taking ages and I need time alone with her to get her to sleep.

I used to plonk the older one in front of the iPad while I went across the hall to put the little one to bed. If things were taking longer, often older one would come in and cause havoc and they'd both be awake really late. Pretty much until dad gets home and then I can put the little one to bed in peace.

This means they're both not asleep until 9-9:30 or later for the older one. It used to not be as much of an issue ( although far from ideal ), as she tended to then wake up at 8 or even later and we'd get to nursery by 9 or later. But it wasn't an issue. Now we need to be out of the house by 8 am and I'm finding it impossible.

Any advice on how to put two children this age to bed? The older one used to come with me to put the little one to bed sometimes when she was younger and it worked, but the little one is much more difficult now etc.

Thanks for reading, sorry for posting here. At my wits end !

10pm for a 3yr old- what the hell time do they wake up in the morning?

I know it's absolutely ridiculous !! She'll get up at around 8-8:30 when she goes to bed at that kind of time.

I am happy to report that they were both asleep by just before 7 pm. I can't believe it!

I took them up at 6 and did pjs / brushed teeth. No bath tonight.

Then we read a story together in bed. I told toddler to be quiet while I rocked baby to sleep and then not long after toddler also fell asleep. I have a double bed in baby room ( baby sleeps in baby bed ). Then when toddler was fast asleep, I transferred. Success !

@OnlyFoolsnMothers 7:30-7:45 usually.

I would get in to your bed (bigger than the other options, I would think!) with both children. Read stories and then lights out and cuddles. No talking after lights out.

Move them to their own beds once they're asleep.

I have a 9 month old and 20 month old.

20 month old DD goes to bed at 8:30. She gets put in her cot, I’ll read a book to her. Nights out and she goes to sleep with her night light toy in her cot with her.

9 month old DS will fight his sleep and won’t sleep untill 11:30 or sometimes midnight.

Both sleep in the same room in separate cots. I have absolutely no advice if you have to settle your eldest in order for them to sleep!

Enjoy your evening, @chiwaawa !

I had a similar gap.

You have to start everything earlier than you expect as it takes longer.

Tea 5pm
Quiet tv 5.30- 5.45
Bath 5.50-6.15 as in they are and dry by 6.15.
Both in pjs, milk for baby, (cup of milk if eldest still has) while reading stories for both.
6.45 brush teeth, last wee etc.
Lights out 7pm for eldest. You need to move on from sitting there til they fall asleep. Try putting a quiet audiobook on for 10 mins, tell DC you will be back in a few mins.
Put baby to bed.

Its much much easier if you can work to putting them down awake rather than having to sit ages for them to nod off

Glad you got them both to sleep early! I have DC the same age, just turned 3yo and a 9mo. DD is at nursery 3 days a week from 8am until 5pm, baby goes 2 days a week same times, usually do tea at 5.30, bath at 6pm, jymsas after. Older one will have supper at 6.40 and then bed at 7pm with a story, then I sort the baby. DD1 goes straight to sleep so easier to sort her first, I usually put baby somewhere safe downstairs but she isn't moving yet. In a morning, I'm up for 7 to get myself sorted and then wake DD1 up at 7.20ish, get her sorted first and then get the baby changed and leave the house at 7.50 to get to nursery for 8am.

I have a 17 month age gap and both of mine need me there to fall asleep. I do bedtime in my bed with one child either side of me then transfer to their own beds once they're asleep.

Similar age gap here, but they are older now. For us, bedtime routines are the way to go.

Our routine was like this for DC1 entire first year: bath for both of them and together once it was safe.
We had a mattress in DC1's room, so we would sit there, read a book chosen by DC1 and DC1 would drink milk from a bottle (shame on me!) while I BF'ed DC2. Then DC1 would brush his teeth with the toothbrush that I had brought into his room before. Spit in the cup, so don't have to go back to bathroom. He would go into cot (yes, cot and bottle at that age!) and I would go the other room and settle DC2. DC2 was usually half asleep by that time anyways.
If they needed it, I went back and cuddled them. But mostly, it was done by 8pm the latest. I will admit, DH was often around and did his fair share. Also, we let DC1 be a "baby" at bedtime.

In your situation and based on my experience, I would prioritize DC1 and take away screen. DC1 might be missing you whilst at nursery and be envious of DC2 who, in her view, gets to be with you all day. That might explain her clinginess at bedtime.The key issue could be that DC1 wants attention and views bedtime as the last chance of the day. This is not your fault or anything. I read somewhere that this behaviour is hard-wired due to evolutionary reasons (need to look up reference, but it was reputable). It is superhard because your DH is not around to give her some extra attention.
Echoing to put a mattress in DC1's room, read a few books, and then turn off/dim lights until she falls asleep. Maybe feed DC2 and if you are lucky, both are asleep and you get a few hours to yourself.

Sorry long post. I hope bedtime is working out for you today!

Yay! Glad you found something that worked.

It is such a moving target, I'm sure the routine I posted earlier will stop working for us at some point.

@Q2C4 does your toddler still nap? Mine stopped napping completely at 2y 9months. Before that he often didn't fall asleep til after 9. I was really dreading losing the nap, and it is quite full-on having to amuse the toddler for that extra 2 hours in the afternoon, but the payoff is much easier bedtimes.

@89redballoons sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. I think she's on the verge of dropping her daytime nap but when she doesn't have one she doesn't go to sleep any earlier, she is just much more tetchy in the evenings!

@chiwaawa Great and enjoy your evening!