Workplace bully, upsetting comments about pregnancy

[Usernamesonly]

Sorry for the long post, would rather get all information in one go to not drip feed. I work in a family run business (sales) 6 offices across the county, around 50 staff in total and a third party HR company. I work in an office with 3 wonderful people, and 1 person who has been removed from our department but still working within our office. Been here around 3 years, LOVE my job, love my colleagues but we have an awful workplace bully who I'm 99% sure only has his job still because he earns the company a lot of money. We have collectively complained about this individual (hence him now being in a different department) but still seeing him daily. Complaining about him is difficult because he will 1) know who the complainer is 2) Make our lives truly miserable. It's not worth it and he has escaped any repercussions from HR numerous times. I'm trying not to worry or stress because I'm 20 weeks pregnant and haven't got too long until maternity leave.

However, today he has insulted me beyond belief and I don't know what to do about it. His words were "Why are you dressed like that? You're pregnant? Get a bra that fits, your t*ts are everywhere and your skirt looks ridiculous. Maybe you should just remain office based for the time being". I was wearing black tights, a black pencil skirt, a white shirt (no cleavage!) and a black cardigan over. Admittedly they aren't "maternity" but I'm too small for maternity and too big for my normal size so have opted for stretchy bottoms. I actually think I looked as professional as I always do (just not so slim). Maybe it's just the hormones but I'm disgusted and feel so embarrassed - already worrying about what to wear tomorrow! This was said infront of my colleagues who thought I should report it, but I really don't know if it's worth it. Have my life made miserable and be caught in a whirlwind half way through my pregnancy?

What would you do? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place (and maybe just need to vent because I'm utterly shocked!)

I'd send a factual email to manager what he said, infront of whom, when and where. He has made a HUGE mistake. You are pregnant and it's a protected characteristic. I'd probably also contact acas and mention in your email that you will be consulting acas.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/discrimination-at-work/discrimination-at-work/checking-if-its-discrimination/if-youre-being-harassed-or-bullied-at-work/

I’m lost for words, I thought men speaking like this in the workplace was a thing of the past.I don’t care if he is the salesman of the century he needs putting on a chocker chain and taken out of the door. Report him, no workplace can allow an employee to make such derogatory comments towards their colleague.

Dont worry about your choice of clothes most pregnant females have experienced the out of shape look but no bump yet showing.The difference is we’ve not had to endure inappropriate disgusting comments from a dickhead who should know better.

You might be surprised and find that all of his industry connections actually think he’s a vile human too.

No, absolutely DO NOT do this! Follow your company's grievance procedures, do everything in writing. Terrible advice.

@Usernamesonly - I believe you'll find this to be true. It's only in his own opinion that he's a wonderful human being, you have no idea what his business and other contacts really think of him. Professionally they may have to "nod and smile" but in private they might well think he's an absolute cockwomble.

Are you in work today? Has anything been said by him or other staff and how do you feel?

This is disgusting.

I was subject to workplace harassment during pregnancy and maternity (by the Chief Executive). I considered reporting it, had written a letter to the Board etc but didn't in the end. I really regret this decision.

Three years later, the Chief Executive left the organisation under a cloud following lots of other staff grievances (and incompetence).

If he has treated you this way, it will not be isolated. I know the last thing you need is hassle and stress when you are pregnant, but I would urge you to go through with the report. If you have an Employee Assistance Programme do call and get advice.

Op I really hope you report this. If he’s been this brazen to say this then everyone will know what he’s actually like and if he tries to badmouth you they will all know he’s talking shit because he’s probably said much worse about women out of ear shot.

And if you DON'T report him, you have just tacitly invited him to keep insulting you. His speech to you was outrageous, & you have witnesses. FFS report.

So what if he makes your life difficult for reporting him?
He makes your life difficult anyway.
At least once you've reported this appalling incident, you will be able to go back to manager/HR & truthfully say "since I reported BullyBoy, his behaviour & comments have ramped up & I feel I am being singled out for verbal abuse."

Im thinking of maybe talking to my manager tomorrow morning and asking if he could have a word with said individual and make a note of what has been said. I would feel more comfortable indirectly raising it (which is a totally cop out)
What good is "having a word" going to do?
Presumably several previous "words" have been had, considering your team raised a group complaint against BullyBoy.
You need, at the very least, for this man to be put on a verbal warning.

Scared for a couple of things. Firstly, nothing happening and him making my life miserable until maternity (snide comments all the time, etc)
He is going to do this anyway.
Your policy of appeasement didn't prevent him from coming out with that hateful crap to you did it?
Document every single remark, & keep reporting.

Secondly, I work in a very tight knit industry and unfortunately this individual has many close associates within lots of different sectors relating to this industry. I worry he will drag my name through the mud and I will find it difficult to generate sales and clients because of it 😣 Sorry for being vague, if I say much more it will be very outing.
Your very tight industry will already be aware what a knob he is.

You have to learn to stand your ground with bullies. Sad but true. Going through official procedures is often pointless. If he said that your tits are everywhere I would have shamed him for not knowing breasts increase in size during pregnancy. Make him the laughing stock, then carry on doing your job competently. Bullies always fall away when their victims stand up for themselves. Bullies are sad, weak individuals who only get to feel better about themselves when they make another person feel bad. If you make him feel bad about himself, he will leave you alone.

This just popped up as a sponsored article on the Mirror on Facebook

Terrible advice.

@untilgertie**

If you make him feel bad about himself, he will leave you alone.

And move on to his next victim?

Dreadful advice as PP has said.

This needs reporting and you have colleagues who have witnessed this. Even if you were wearing a tutu and leather nippleless bra he should not have spoken to you this way.
The thing with these type of people is they think they can get away with things and unfortunately he seems to have in the past. Now hes upped his game. This occasion though it's black and white. I can't see any HR Department brushing this one under the carpet.
Stand up for yourself OP and put him in his place.

Please please take this further. Contact ACAS, or join a Union. Please.

You showed some restraint I would have told him in no uncertain terms to fuck off and only speak to me if it relates to work.

I speak from experience. Stand up to a bully and they'll stop bullying you. (Yes, they may well move on to someone else, but my response is for solving the OP's immediate problem only).

Report. I’m also in my early 20s and have been bullied at work by a man in his late 50s. I reported him and he was called into HR. It stopped after that because they obviously gave him a good talking to. Get your colleagues to report too as they heard it.

Report this utility repulsive man
Make it very clear that as a pregnant women you should be protected from this harassment.
I would go hard ball and make it clear that should there be any repercussions from your complaint that you will look at taking further legal advice which will have his name, and the companies name, in the press.
Men like that say things because women don't say or do anything because they are worried about what will happen.
I am a HR Manager and I would be suspending him and getting him into sexual harassment and pregnancy harassment training. I personally would be taking him to disciplinary and looking at a first and final written warning. Probably wouldn't pass the threshold for a dismissal but scare the company. They should be protecting you and your colleagues! Xx