Workplace bully, upsetting comments about pregnancy

[Usernamesonly]

Sorry for the long post, would rather get all information in one go to not drip feed. I work in a family run business (sales) 6 offices across the county, around 50 staff in total and a third party HR company. I work in an office with 3 wonderful people, and 1 person who has been removed from our department but still working within our office. Been here around 3 years, LOVE my job, love my colleagues but we have an awful workplace bully who I'm 99% sure only has his job still because he earns the company a lot of money. We have collectively complained about this individual (hence him now being in a different department) but still seeing him daily. Complaining about him is difficult because he will 1) know who the complainer is 2) Make our lives truly miserable. It's not worth it and he has escaped any repercussions from HR numerous times. I'm trying not to worry or stress because I'm 20 weeks pregnant and haven't got too long until maternity leave.

However, today he has insulted me beyond belief and I don't know what to do about it. His words were "Why are you dressed like that? You're pregnant? Get a bra that fits, your t*ts are everywhere and your skirt looks ridiculous. Maybe you should just remain office based for the time being". I was wearing black tights, a black pencil skirt, a white shirt (no cleavage!) and a black cardigan over. Admittedly they aren't "maternity" but I'm too small for maternity and too big for my normal size so have opted for stretchy bottoms. I actually think I looked as professional as I always do (just not so slim). Maybe it's just the hormones but I'm disgusted and feel so embarrassed - already worrying about what to wear tomorrow! This was said infront of my colleagues who thought I should report it, but I really don't know if it's worth it. Have my life made miserable and be caught in a whirlwind half way through my pregnancy?

What would you do? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place (and maybe just need to vent because I'm utterly shocked!)

If you report it please do it by email (and keep a copy, printed or cc’d to your personal email) so you have proof of what you have told them. It will also let them be accurate when taking it further.
I’ve had to take action about a work situation in the past and having written records is really important.

He’s a monster & he has form for this. He’ll do it again. His comments were outrageous & I wonder what he’ll say next if he gets away with it yet again. And if he feels comfortable making comments like this in front of others, what is he saying to other women in the absence of witnesses? REPORT FORMALLY. Make your complaint in writing & stick to the facts. What Arsehole & I imagine you’d all be happier & work much more effectively without him. Good luck with HR & I hope your pregnancy goes well xx

After being bullied out of a job myself, I usually would just advise someone to leave.
Not this time.
Please, OP, this is not on. You need to complain. As do both of your witnesses.
It's not your name that will be dragged through the mud. If he knows everyone, then a lot of people are going to find out pretty soon just what a nasty piece of work he is. And that is all his fault, not yours.

Report and if he doesn't get sacked, quit and sue the company for constructive dismissal. You have a pretty open and shut case and will get a decent payout

‘Report it’ allows some wide variance on how it is dealt with. Such as ‘i will speak with him’ or ‘leave it with me’.

Raise a formal written grievance in line with your grievance procedures. In your grievance highlight the previous issues you personally have raised, which were promised would be dealt with.

They will have to deal with it more formally than it sounds they have before.

If you are unhappy with the outcome of the grievance, you have options after that depending on what you feel is proportionate.

Record what he is saying - every time he is there have your phone on record.
Report it formally - in writing

Contact Acas, and then report the foul mouthed, half wit for harassment.

Remember that you have rights against pregancy harassment. Don't let him get away with it.

If the idiot chose to engage his brain before he opened his big mouth, he may actually get somewhere in life.

Oh my days, that is outrageous!!

You really do have to report that, OP. Will any of the others back you up?

What an absolute bastard!

Your manager and HR have a duty of care to you, especially when pregnant.

You need to email, not speak to the manager, and cc in HR so there is a paper trail. You also need to request to be kept separate from him in the offices for the remainder of your pregnancy in work as you fear the stress of his bullying could affect the baby. Make sure you state exactly what he said, and drop in that you are worried his treatment of you could worsen after complaining as this is what he has done to other staff in the past.

If you do find yourself stuck with him in close quarters and he starts getting mouthy, record it.

If you let him get away with today it's only going to get worse. Yes, he has connections, but NOBODY would be OK with a middle aged man speaking to a young, pregnant colleague like that! Make sure everyone knows, OP - don't do him a favour by covering it up!!

He hasn't got the clout he wants you to think he has. Everyone already knows he's a prick and now he's given you something to work with. Wipe the floor with him

HR here - don't just report it, you need to raise a grievance. Your HR dept or employee handbook will spell out the grievance policy.
Also Call ACAS.
Did anybody witness this?

If I heard someone being spoken to like that at work I would report them in a heartbeat. What a prick!

He's a gonner. OP you can do this. Take your chance now, what he has done has crossed the line. Imagine what your mat leave will be like if you don't take action - worrying about returning the whole time.

Your constantly defending yourself

start attacking

have you taken a look in the mirror yourself before criticising anyone else, not likely to listen to you the way you dress

what exactly is he going to do? Not likely to report it to HR as he’s said far to much already

every time he starts shut him down by repeating it back to him

Walk into his office tomorrow with a witness and tell him you need a quick word.
Tell him " if you ever speak to me in such an unprofessional manner again I'll have you up in front of an employment tribunal. I treat you with respect and courtesy and I expect the same from you"

If it was your friend, mother or daughter telling you this, what would you say to them?

Do you want this individual to freely continue making lives miserable for you and others?

Do something.

Definitely report, it's a sackable offence. Would the other staff act as witnesses?

You realise he's doing this because he's always got away with it? You have it in your power to stop him.

Hi Op

I am Sorry to hear you are obviously working in midst of a Arsehole of the lowest order,

Please get in contact with the charity who support pregnant women who experience Harrasment at workplace, obviously this is sexual Harrassment.

I don't know the name of this. Organisation

Does anybody else know the name of organisation out there in uk?

I am fuming Raging on your behalf 😤

I think this poster is referring to Pregnant then Screwed who might be a good idea to contact.

I pursued a formal grievance years ago against my employer.

My then line manager told me he would make sure I never worked in this city again.

Years have passed. I've worked fairly continuously in this city since he threatened me and now see him fairly regularly at conferences. I've settled into a specialist role for a prestigious employer. He still works for the same employer (a smaller/ less prestigious institution).

I take great delight in going to speak to him every time.

It was all empty threats from a bullying middle aged man.

People like that dont just make one comment off the cuff, they tend to make many comments to loads of people over the years. There is a decent chance that half the people in the tight knit industry you are in have already been insulted by him or have heard him insult someone and think he is awful. There is also a decent chance that if he finally gets disciplined or sacked because you stood up for yourself ... that they will all think you are an absolute rock star and will be lining up to tell you that you are v brave and also about the awful things he did or said to them.

How disgusting!! It’s not your hormones- this person is entirely out of order.

No, before you speak to your manager, call ACAS. This is such a serious matter.

I think your colleagues who were with you should agree to have their names included, so that it's not just all on you.

It's absolutely shocking what he said. How the fuck does he think he can get away with talking like that?

I know it harder when you are younger , but I too would report this . glad you have witnesses. Tell HR and manager and tell them you are considering raising a grievance.