Workplace bully, upsetting comments about pregnancy

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Sorry for the long post, would rather get all information in one go to not drip feed. I work in a family run business (sales) 6 offices across the county, around 50 staff in total and a third party HR company. I work in an office with 3 wonderful people, and 1 person who has been removed from our department but still working within our office. Been here around 3 years, LOVE my job, love my colleagues but we have an awful workplace bully who I'm 99% sure only has his job still because he earns the company a lot of money. We have collectively complained about this individual (hence him now being in a different department) but still seeing him daily. Complaining about him is difficult because he will 1) know who the complainer is 2) Make our lives truly miserable. It's not worth it and he has escaped any repercussions from HR numerous times. I'm trying not to worry or stress because I'm 20 weeks pregnant and haven't got too long until maternity leave.

However, today he has insulted me beyond belief and I don't know what to do about it. His words were "Why are you dressed like that? You're pregnant? Get a bra that fits, your t*ts are everywhere and your skirt looks ridiculous. Maybe you should just remain office based for the time being". I was wearing black tights, a black pencil skirt, a white shirt (no cleavage!) and a black cardigan over. Admittedly they aren't "maternity" but I'm too small for maternity and too big for my normal size so have opted for stretchy bottoms. I actually think I looked as professional as I always do (just not so slim). Maybe it's just the hormones but I'm disgusted and feel so embarrassed - already worrying about what to wear tomorrow! This was said infront of my colleagues who thought I should report it, but I really don't know if it's worth it. Have my life made miserable and be caught in a whirlwind half way through my pregnancy?

What would you do? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place (and maybe just need to vent because I'm utterly shocked!)

Make a formal complaint. The hr will have a code of conduct. Pregnancy and sex are both protected characteristics. I'd also suggest that if they do not deal with him, you will get legal advice.

Don't leave to the manager- raise it formally. You can always deescalate the complaint. If you soft peddle it then you will find he's believed over you and it's pregnancy hormones so it's your fault.

Good that it was witnessed. Make sure you have their backing.

@watchfulwishes Thanks for replying. Scared for a couple of things. Firstly, nothing happening and him making my life miserable until maternity (snide comments all the time, etc)

Secondly, I work in a very tight knit industry and unfortunately this individual has many close associates within lots of different sectors relating to this industry. I worry he will drag my name through the mud and I will find it difficult to generate sales and clients because of it 😣 Sorry for being vague, if I say much more it will be very outing.

Your manager may have to take it further than that if you raise it, otherwise they could get into trouble for knowing about it and not following policy. I absolutely think that you should complain anyway though.

Ask your colleagues who witnessed it to report it too.

Oh OP, not just a nasty horrible bully but thirty years older than you, how dare he, HOW DARE HE!
I really hope you feel you can report him and that he's suspended on the spot. Please come back and tell us. I really feel for you. What an utter shit he is.

Basically there are two ways to handle this.

One is use the procedure.

The second is sweat him about his behaviour more publicly. Unfortunately bullies rely on compliance and niceness. I'd say if you want to stay in the industry post pregnancy then you had better think what will look like.

I assume by the way that you are an effective competitor for him to make such remarks. Otherwise he's just an old misogynist who is one fuck up away from retirement. You are young, he is moving out of middle age

If you don't report it you're still at risk of him making horrid comments throughout the remainder of your pregnancy.

I don't know of any company, or individual infact, who would shun you for this. Quite the opposite.

I would write it all down now whilst it's fresh. Include in an email to your external HR contact. Let your manager know you'll be doing it if required. Emphasise that you're disappointed to be in this unacceptable situation following lack of action, and thus management endorsement of his behaviour, previously and you feel anxious regarding your pregnancy as a result.

He sounds an absolute twat and I hope he has the book thrown at him.

What the fuck?!

I’m as non-confrontational as they come and there is no way in HELL I would let this lie. How dare he speak to you like that?

If your other colleagues witnessed it and they’re ready to back you (and even if they didn’t/aren’t) I would 100% raise a grievance about this and make damn sure it’s followed through. Don’t just ask your manager to “have a word” because nothing will change.

If he’s known locally then the fact that he’s a misogynistic piece of shit is probably also common knowledge. These sorts of arseholes can only keep it hidden for so long.

I'm a trade union official. This kind of comment is discrimatory and a breach of the Equality Act. If I had to rep someone who said this (him), I'd be preparing them for the eventuality of dismissal. It is very serious.

Bullies get away with it because people don't talk about it. Don't worry, people know what he is like. If he tries to slander you everyone will say "Gosh!" to his face and put an enormous pinch of salt on it all. They won't believe him, even if they don't correct him. Hold your head high and act like he is dirt on your shoe and you will come out on top. You can practice saying things like "It's so unfortunate, he was so good at sales, but he couldn't be professional in the workplace."

This. I admit to clicking on this thread with an ‘over sensitive pregnant woman’ in mind, but that’s fucking appalling! How dare he. Please report him, and feel no embarrassment - he’s a total pig who needs to face the consequences of his actions.

Report the arsehole, youve got witnesses your colleagues. You shouldnt have to put up with that

You have to report it. He can’t be allowed to get away with that. Who the fuck does he think he is?

Find your anger.

I can understand your concerns about the potential for him to bad-mouth you in the industry with him being well-connected or known or 'influential' in local spheres, but that does not mean he is universally liked.

Meeting with her asap. Tell them what was said word for word and that you have witnesses. (Bring them along if pos). And that if the don't take it seriously and remove this bully from your vicinity ASAP, you will be seeking legal action against the company for not protecting you. 'Because enough is enough and you've let this bully away with too much already'.

Do not be a shrinking violet op because they will only be inclined to make you the scapegoat rather than dealing with him. You have to go in all guns blazing. Take a trade union rep if pos.

HR not her

I would report this disgusting, misogynistic pig immediately!I would kick up the BIGGEST fuss! Say that you wish to report him for harassment, also sexual harassment (commenting on your body is a big no no) and tell your company you will be speaking to your solicitor to see where you stand legally, due to them doing nothing about his bullying and harassment to a pregnant woman. Tell them the stress could be harmful to your baby and you'll talking to your solicitor about that too. Really go to town! Let's face it, your company aren't going to sack you. You are completely in the right but don't sit quietly and take it.

This could be your chance to get rid of him for good.

As everybody else has said, report formally. At a minimum, this is your chance to have that creep moved to different premises. If you don't say anything, he'll persist and escalate.

This is harassment under the Equality Act 2010. Pregnancy / maternity is a protected characteristic.
Take him all the fucking way.

I was involved in a sexual harassment case. I was worried, like you are, that the perpetrator (a man more senior than me) would get away with it, make my life hell, ruin my promotion prospects, get me sacked etc etc.

Same set up as yours. No formal HR department. Old-fashioned firm. My word (and the words of others) against his...

Anyway, I won. He left, tail between his legs. Rather than being annoyed, senior management were grateful I'd brought it to their attention.

It wasn't easy. It made me feel sick as it was going ahead but elated when he was let go. My colleagues could not have been more supportive.

It will be hard but I wish you all the strength you need to pursue this.

REPORT, REPORT, REPORT.

What a total arsehole. Men like that need to be eliminated from any half-decent company.

I've got a young woman on my team, early 20s and if she came to me with this complaint I'd wipe the floor with the horrible bastard and go to HR myself to submit the complaint.

Have you spoken to your line manager OP?