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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find new partners constant texting irritating?

71 replies

Supernova23 · 15/01/2023 16:25

We've been seeing each other for a couple of months but his demandingness and constant texting is driving me insane. Normally there are messages on my phone before I'm up in the morning and messages at various points throughout the day even though he knows I'm at work and can't look at my phone. Then more messages when he gets back from work, then more when I get back, right up until bedtime. Even my phone asks if I want to mute the conversation.

Is this "normal"? because it's driving me crazy. I've asked for a bit of space this weekend as I'm tired from work and need to catch up with things, but now he's ignoring me, so I can't win.

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 15/01/2023 16:27

Yuck, that would put me right off. Hate constant texting and neediness. Throw that one back!

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 16:27

He's not respecting your boundaries - even when you had to spell it out to him - and that's not great.

LlynTegid · 15/01/2023 16:28

Time to end the relationship. Good job you found out fairly soon. Not sure what is worse, the constant texting or the response when you made a reasonable request.

shropshire11 · 15/01/2023 16:28

It does sound very demanding, and I would personally find it suffocating. But some people are looking for this kind of “always-on” relationship, and some people enjoy the constant attention.

Can you let then down a bit more gently and say “I’m not a texty person, and don’t use my phone a lot as I prefer to focus on our time when we are together?”. That might help them get the message without a flat rejection.

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/01/2023 16:30

Urgh I would find that really stifling.

I think as a PP said though some people like that level of communication and feel needy without it.

Have you tried asking in so many words to tone it down?

weltenbummler · 15/01/2023 16:31

YANBU
Agree entirely with LlynTegit

SpacePotato · 15/01/2023 16:31

Lovebombing.

Not great.

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 16:35

That's concerning. Especially his inability to listen to you and take the feedback on board like an adult when you asked him to tone it down.

It's the mark of insecure and controlling assholes.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 15/01/2023 16:43

I recently finished with someone and double/treble/quadruple texting and phoning me every evening were one of the reasons. After a day at work I wanted an uninterrupted evening. I told him I felt hounded, he'd apologise and sound a bit embarrassed, but then the texting would start again. I stopped answering the phone. That level of neediness and contact really wore me down.

Badger1970 · 15/01/2023 16:46

Too suffocating for me. Hasn't he got anything else to do?!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/01/2023 16:47

Oh, just block him (if he hasn't done it to you already).

Original poster
Supernova23 · 15/01/2023 18:42

Glad people agree with me. It’s been lovely today with him ignoring me and not texting me every hour on the hour.

OP posts:
Thatiswild · 15/01/2023 19:27

Couldn’t cope with that at all - and his response to your perfectly reasonable request says it all, enjoy the silence, time to make it permanent! Yanbu

Original poster
Supernova23 · 15/01/2023 20:28

He’s just text me saying he’s given me time alone…..what like all of 10 hours?!? It’s just flashed up on my screen, 4 texts, not read them all fully yet. Not sure what to do tbh.

OP posts:
Yarnosaura · 15/01/2023 20:35

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Fizzadora · 15/01/2023 20:40

It's not so much the texting which is bad enough it's that he's gone into a sulk when you told him, not unreasonably, to back off a bit.
Nothing worse IMO and likely to escalate.
I would step away from this one.

ForFuckSteak · 15/01/2023 20:42

He's not necessarily love bombing. I had an ex who would have phoned me ten times per day if it was up to him, he did truly love me. He just wanted that "joined at the hip" type of relationship.

I didn't - you don't either. Finish it before the mere sight of him makes you want to scream.

watcherintherye · 15/01/2023 20:44

Surely your reaction when the texts start up again tells you all you need to know? Tell him the level of contact he wants makes you feel trapped and if he can’t accept this and adjust his behaviour accordingly, then there is no future for the relationship.

Crikeyalmighty · 15/01/2023 20:46

Some people love this kind of thing , I personally don't and it sounds like you don't either OP. I always think it'sa sign too of someone not having much going on in life.

Ludo19 · 15/01/2023 20:48

Exactly what @Fizzadora &@ForFuckSteak have written.

His neediness and then sulking is a MASSIVE pain in the hole and no-one needs that level of shit. Imagine staying with someone like that.....run while you can.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/01/2023 20:50

Supernova23 · 15/01/2023 20:28

He’s just text me saying he’s given me time alone…..what like all of 10 hours?!? It’s just flashed up on my screen, 4 texts, not read them all fully yet. Not sure what to do tbh.

'This isn't working for me'

And...block.

He's on the borderline of accusing of going out to pick up men this afternoon and packing his bags to move in by tomorrow teatime.

Does he have a crappy flat, by any chance?

AnyOldThings · 15/01/2023 20:54

I was once told that when you are first in a new relationship, early on you should set a couple of simple boundaries. Nothing big. Just like, “I can’t message tomorrow but I’ll text you on Sunday”. Then see if they respect such a small simple boundary.

If they don’t, get out. Because if they won’t respect your small boundaries/fair requests, they’ll never accept your big ones. What you want isn’t as important to them as their needs and that’s never going to end well.

pilates · 15/01/2023 20:56

🚩

Original poster
Supernova23 · 15/01/2023 21:03

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/01/2023 20:50

'This isn't working for me'

And...block.

He's on the borderline of accusing of going out to pick up men this afternoon and packing his bags to move in by tomorrow teatime.

Does he have a crappy flat, by any chance?

Show quote history

He actually does live in a small flat share. How did you guess??

OP posts:
pictoosh · 15/01/2023 21:06

Because he's hoping to move in with you maybe?
Lay it on thick, bowl her over, feet under the table in no time lads.