AIBU for not wanting to leave our 8 month old?

[Subzer0]

I will preface this by saying I am a man. Basically it's my wife's 30th birthday soon and I've sorted out leave with work to get a guaranteed long weekend before her birthday.

My sister said she would be willing to look after our 8 month son for 3 days. My wife has already accepted this offer without consulting me.

My sister is brilliant, a great mother with 2 gorgeous girls herself and a nice family. However my son hasn't really had much contact with my sister (just due to busy family lives, my son being ill etc.)

So my Son hasn't really built a bond with my sister. As great as a mother/person my sister is she hasn't really built a bond with my son. So I think leaving my son with my sister for 3 days, he would cry and be unsettled the whole time.

I told my partner how I felt and she has now flew off of the handle saying to forget the whole thing, etc...

So now I'm made to feel bad for everything because as most husbands know it's always their fault!

This is not a post bad mouthing my wife she's brilliant, and a great mother and we've not had a 1min alone with each other for years. So I understand why she really wants this.

But AIBU with this? Should we just leave my son with my sister for 3 days?

Thank you in advance for any advice.

@Pollysprocket direct quote from you -

*Who said anyone but mum?

You and some posters have jumped to that conclusion but that’s not said in the post at all*

I wouldnt have been happy leaving either of mine at 8 months for three days. It's a terrible age for them being really attached to mum & dad (in a normal/healthy way). Both of mine would have been so so miserable/scared by this.

Jesus Christ there’s always one.
Life long poor mental health directly because mum got a break once!!

Not an issue that dad gets to swan off as often as he likes. 🙄

The solution is easy leave him overnight and see how things go and don't make a decision until that goes well or not.

This. I literally rolled my eyes at this 😂

Maybe he was merely venting on here, as women do day in day out?

Perhaps there's a website for other poor husbands he could go to vent on then.

Why don’t you stay with your son and your wife can go for a lovely spa weekend one where in her own or with a friend

This.

Sounds like your wife is desperate for a break so send her with a friend and you and the baby stay home together.

You're not wrong for feeling that way. But context needed: does your wife feel she's doing the majority of the childcare? Is it really one-to-one time she wants with you (which you imply in your post), or is it more a break from child caring duties she needs?

Is it possible for you to take the baby and let your wife have a free weekend off, alone or with someone else?

Come on. Surely you’ve realised your argument is invalid when you were arguing the OP never said he’d not leave the baby with anyone but Mum, when he did. Now he’s not expecting her to do all of the childcare for the weekend? Well I should hope not.

The point is the OP saying no one can look after the baby but him and Mum. This is not his decision to make. He is being totally unreasonable to tell the Mum he isn’t comfortable with anyone but her looking after the baby. The same way that if Dad had taken paternity leave and Mum went back to work, she would be unreasonable to say Dad can’t have any child free time because she’d be uncomfortable with it.

8 months is way too long to be left with someone he doesn't know for that length of time. It's cruel. I would not leave for 1 night unless he knows the person well.

I would suggest to wife that she has a break with friends while you stay home with baby. Alternatively, take the baby with you. Alternatively, ask sister to have the baby for 1 day. Alternatively, postpone the trip for a couple of years.

Happy mum unhappy baby seems more apt in this case

from what i can see, your wife has told your sister you've got time off, and your sister, being a mom herself, understands that your wife probably REALLY wants a break and a few days with you, so has offered to babysit for a few nights.. and your wife has jumped at the chance to spend time alone with you.. then you've spoiled it.

Your child will be fine with your sister. Take your wife away and enjoy it.

I'm a bit conflicted. Your wife clearly wants/needs a break (totally understandable) but I wouldn't be comfy leaving my 10mo for 3 nights for the reasons you have suggested.

Agree with PP that you need to come up with a solution that gives your wife a much needed break, but isn't going to be distressing for your baby.

Talk about hard of understanding when you argued the OP didn’t mean something he had explicitly said!
Yes for that weekend. I’m not misunderstanding that. If Dad was primary care giver, Mum had booked the weekend off work for Dad’s birthday and Dad had arranged a babysitter, I think Mum would be unreasonable to tell him no, she has to stay with the baby as he’s not comfortable with anyone else caring for them. It’s not fair. You can’t expect someone to carry the burden of caring for the baby 24/7 and not be allowed to choose when they are ready to leave the baby.

Why dont you suggest she goes with her friends? She sounds like she needs it if she's always the one with the baby and was really looking forward to it. You are entitled to your opinion, but your wife would be better still getting away instead of both of you doing nothing.

Out of curiosity how come you booked the time off?

I totally understand not wanting to leave your little one something most dad's feel they can't say. I'd sort some little visits to auntie and go from there.
You may find after the first night you're both missing baby or you may find it's not as bad as you think.
Perhaps you could book a day off for you and baby letting mum have a day at a spa, shopping or lunch so then she's more relaxed?

It sounds like she really wants and needs a break, and is happy to leave the baby. Either you look after and she goes away with a friend, or you need to work towards leaving the baby with your sister, ie try some shorter periods before hand

Can she arrange a break with close friends or family? Or could the two of you do one night away, and then she stay away for another night while you go home and have the baby? Her reaction hints quite strongly that she’s feeling desperate for a break from being on duty as mum for the vast majority of time (you do say you work “a hell of a lot”).

You completely lost me at, "because as most husbands know it's always their fault!" Grow up.

At eight and a half months, it's up to your wife whether she's happy to take a break from 24 hours a day childcare or not. Even if you take over sometimes, it's not a real break for her. I'm getting a feeling you may have thought you'd come on here, all the mothers would back you up and you could take it back to her to tell her she's not a good mother. You wouldn't be the first.

No, it’s the baby being with someone the baby doesn’t know that the OP has an issue with. Which is perfectly reasonable.

No, again in the OP’s own words, it’s the baby being with anyone but his wife “I guess my ultimate issue is just leaving my son with anyone other than his mother.”

Because the mother is the only person, other than the OP, that the baby currently knows. That’s also explained but you want to pick and choose which parts you want to acknowledge (and, let’s be honest, you’d made up your mind from the first sentence of the OP).