To think a man should ask questions too.

[PasturesN3w]

Just met a really interesting guy in the park. Spent a couple of hours together after striking up a conversation at the cafe. We're both single and work in the arts, know some of the same people it turns out. I found him very interesting.....But, he did not ask me a single question. I even had to tell him my name after a long while and tell him what I did for a living after he'd told me all, and I mean ALL about himself. I've been single for 3 years and have had a few online dates. TBH, I have found that there are quite a few men out there who talk and talk about themselves, but rarely ask questions and it's really irritating; (I'm actually pretty interesting too [numb-nuts!]) Anyway, he's suggested dinner and I'd like to go, but feeling uncertain. This could be a sign of his social awkwardness or potentially a tip of the self-obsessed iceberg. If we go to dinner I could try making a joke about ' btw feel free to ask me questions too handsome!'

Maybe, you present as a good listener. If this man lives alone, he may have been thrilled to finally have a somewhat captive audience. Obviously, there must have been some sharing for you to know that you have mutual friends.

If talking about himself is his worst fault, he may not be so bad. Better that than someone who is always gossiping and passing judgement on others.

I need to have several conversations before I can make this decision because sometimes people will nervously chatter in a conversation but it will level out after several conversations.

Treat it as a red flag but give him ONE last chance.

Living alone doesn't inevitably lead to monologing.
Neither does it automatically negate listening skills.

People are either interested in others, or not.
I'm sure there are plenty of people who live in busy family households who are capable of monologing.

I'm sooooooo over this after several years of online dating I now know that if they don't ask questions on the first date (as a normal two way conversation between two people who are wondering whether there is compatibility or not would) they will never be actually interested in you.

I'm sorry to say that 100% of the men I've had dates with (and a load proceeded into romance territory) not one asked Qs of me. I'd share info but later would reflect that they hadn't asked Qs of me.

It's now one of my main assessment criteria. I'd far rather be single than be with someone who isn't the slightest bit interested in me.

Oh then there are the ones who have learned that it is necessary to ask questions to appear politely interested but actually aren't it's fake. These are far rarer than most blokes I've hooked up with who just don't bother.

I don't buy the 'they're too nervous and trying to impress you to ask questions' view either. Bullshit. Most of the blokes I've dated have been alpha male top of their profession and are not at all nervous on a date with me.

I dated through OLD for over 10 years and met several hundred men. I gave most of them a decent chance - regularly went on 2 or 3 dates even when the first date wasn't great for me. Nobody who asked little on a first date subsequently asked much more on a second or third (although conversely there were a few who asked plenty on the first date then decided they knew everything there was to know about me and asked me nothing else ever again). Only about 10 of the 200 could hold a balanced conversation as standard. And given all the men I didn't even meet and ruled out at the profile or messaging stage, I'd say you're looking at only about 1% of the male population that can hold a balanced conversation. Some men did ask a little but I still felt like conversation was hard work. I'd have to ask 20 questions before I got one back. Then another 20 before the next one. It was soul destroying, especially as I wrote on my profile that curiosity was one of 2 things I valued above all else and specifically said I was looking for someone that would be as interested in me as I was in him. Even more sad was the fact that of the 10 men that could hold a balanced conversation, quite a lot showed controlling behaviours very early on. So they'd learnt to converse so they could charm and control women and not even because they wanted to connect with women. A few weren't like this but had other issues (alcoholism etc.) so it didn't work out. I eventually ended up with someone who asks a lot less than I'd like but is working on it and is actually one of the least selfish people I've ever met in that he's a fantastic partner in ever other way. He's genuinely funny and interesting to listen to too so I don't mind being his audience as much as I might. It still makes me sad sometimes that I do feel a bit like an audience at times but I think men who ask as much as the most considerate women are like gold dust. And yes, I do agree that there are many women like this too, who are not askers, but there are at least enough that aren't that you can get some decent friendships.

I'd be done. And that kind doesn't change.

A friend was involved with a guy like this. On the surface he ticked all the boxes; good looking, self-supporting, owned a home, polite, not stingy, helpful, respectful, etc. But then she realized that every conversation was about him. His day, his 'deeds' (and they were legendary!), his tv shows, political opinions, etc, etc. He never asked her about herself, not even a throw in 'How's your day going?' before launching into his monologue. She also noticed that as helpful as he was around the house, he expected her to sit, watch, and "Oohh, Ahhh" about what he was doing with massive gratitude and praise when he was done. We started to jokingly refer to any time she spent with him as "The Bob Experience, LIVE!". But eventually it ceased to be funny to her and started to really drag her down. Having to show constant interest and enthusiam can do that to you.

She tried numerous times to talk to him about it and explain that he needed to be a listener as well as a talker. He'd say 'ok' (note, he never apologized) and for a couple weeks he'd ask and listen, but she said you could see the impatience in his eyes for 'his turn' and the second she mentioned something that could lead into 'The Bob Experience, LIVE!' he'd take over and be off and running.

And that's what you should do....be off and running (away).

^^ the usual 'disclaimer'....Bob wasn't his real name.

Yup, it's a common thing with some men. My h is guilty of it. They just don't ask questions or think about other people. Happy to bang on as if they're the most interesting people ever.

Why did you find this bloke so interesting if he didn't ask you anything?

Just as an alternative perspective, I'm female and have always struggled with 'chat' and small talk. I'm so busy trying to be vaguely normal that I often just ramble on, and I would expect others see this as just talking about myself. It's just nervousness, and as I've got older I've taught myself to hold 'proper' conversations - ask questions, listen etc. Its genuinely not a lack of interest, but actually a nervousness on my part.

Of course, this guy might be a self obsessed bore, but it might be worth another meeting just to find out.

Give him a chance x

It's me. I forget to ask questions all the time!

I just get in the flow of conversation and to me dialogue is usually where you bounce off each other - something I say reminds you of the time that x which makes me remember a x I had many years ago and have you seen x on TV because she has one.

I certainly don't do the majority of the talking, but I do find I sometimes haven't asked many questions about them/their life. When I remember I do interject some usually.

It's just my communication style. I don't mean to.

What we're talking about here is someone who 'monologues', talking only about themselves and never letting the other person get a word in edgewise or pausing to let them give an opinion. And if they do get the chance they act bored, drift away, or swiftly bring the conversation back to themselves. Or they shut the conversation down completely.

It doesn't sound to me as if you do that. If you truly have a dialogue where you 'share' the conversation back and forth and swap thoughts and ideas then information is 'exchanged' even if it's not in the form of question/answer, that's fine. The other person is speaking and sharing, too. That's also a way to learn about someone and to show interest in them.