To think a man should ask questions too.

[PasturesN3w]

Just met a really interesting guy in the park. Spent a couple of hours together after striking up a conversation at the cafe. We're both single and work in the arts, know some of the same people it turns out. I found him very interesting.....But, he did not ask me a single question. I even had to tell him my name after a long while and tell him what I did for a living after he'd told me all, and I mean ALL about himself. I've been single for 3 years and have had a few online dates. TBH, I have found that there are quite a few men out there who talk and talk about themselves, but rarely ask questions and it's really irritating; (I'm actually pretty interesting too [numb-nuts!]) Anyway, he's suggested dinner and I'd like to go, but feeling uncertain. This could be a sign of his social awkwardness or potentially a tip of the self-obsessed iceberg. If we go to dinner I could try making a joke about ' btw feel free to ask me questions too handsome!'

Took ages for OH to talk properly to me it was just nerves. Fortunately by the time we were dating properly he was much more conversational. Even now he doesn't say an awful lot, smalltalk isn't his thing.

If you asked of course he'd say the reason he was so quiet is he was waiting for me to pause.

TBH, I've hardly met any soul since splitting with DH 3.5 years ago. Having tried OLD (soooooo awful), I'm pleased I've met a bloke IRL for starters. He's my age, is creative and likes the things I like - pretty rare. It's not as if I have them bashing my door down! I've lived alone for 3 years, been on 4 dates (one with a bloke who turned out to be 25 years older than his photo - so his 'dad' turned-up, unbelievable). It was great to meet someone today who's been to art college and looks alright. I've gone without so much as a hand-hold for years but will swerve a kn*b-head. Today, I managed to contribute to the conversation, he just didn't ask me questions, other than to ask me to dinner, which was actually nice. So thinking it might be worth another look; skeptic hat still on.

"If you asked of course he'd say the reason he was so quiet is he was waiting for me to pause". 😄

God give the guy a chance. You obviously like him enough to think about going out with him. Nerves etc can get the better of someone and you need to get to know them and then make a decision

There are plenty of times when I have been in a conversation in which I have asked all the questions, and I have come away thinking 'you know nothing about me'. But that is men and women equally. I notice nobody here is admitting that they never ask questions... Anyway, give the guy a chance. He is probably nervous. Why don't you just say, 'Now you ask me something?' or similar.

I'm normally one to stick up men dating bashing on here, but not even asking your name is very odd. I'd go on the dinner date with him, as you seem to like him, but if he carries on being so odd with no questions then I'd not go another date thereafter, personally.

I relate to the word 'audience' - I had a male friend, in his 60s, who rarely asked me anything about myself, never remembered anything I did tell him, but clearly felt he was excellent company.

I felt like he only appreciated me as an audience for him, and after a while I lost interest.

I think he misses his audience, he pops up every now and again to tell me what's happening for him 🤣

‘never remembered anything I did tell him, but clearly felt he was excellent company’.

Exactly what I’m talking about.

If you liked him, it sounds worth going for dinner. Hopefully he will feel more confident on second encounter and actually converse! I dislike this kind of behaviour though, and must say I know some women like this too who always draw the conversation back to them!

This. Honestly, OP, the question you should be asking yourself here is why you sat listening to him monologue for two hours, and are even contemplating a date with this self-obsessed bore.

Anybody (not just a potential romance) who only talks about themselves after 2 meetings, is binned. Life is about interaction not soliloquy

I'd give him one chance to prove himself a balanced conversationalist in a relaxed dinner setting. He may be a nervous rambler and a bit out of practice in the dating game.

If he doesn't ask you anything, either leave early or put information forward about yourself, your opinions etc, don't sit and entertain a monologuer all evening.

Don't send your text, you want to see the real him.

Well only talking about yourself for two hours would rule anyone out of being someone I wanted to date but there must have been something appealing about him if you're still up for dinner with him? If he doesn't stop being self-absorbed over dinner you can always break it off then.

I find generally people prefer to talk about themselves. Conversational skills have gone downhill. Women too are like this a great deal of the time.

I’d meet him again but keep it casual - maybe a lunch date and nowhere too fancy/dressed up.

Make him work (i.e. show proper interest in you) if he wants to take you out properly.

I totally know what you and other PPs mean about monologues, women as audience etc, groan!

You've answered your own question.

A large amount of men consciously or unconsciously think their own lives, interests and needs are innately more important than those of women (and society has done a lot to encourage this by incentivising women to think their role is primarily to support). A lot of men are also a bit threatened by the idea that women have their own goals, opinions and inner lives. And in fact some of them actively dislike women who "talk too much".

To be fair he might also just be naturally selfish or one of those people who lives to fill dead air with chat.

I'd maybe give it one more chance in case he was just nervous but treat it as a red flag.

I would go on the date and quite enjoy it either way. Either he asks questions and you have a proper friendship, or I would just start to throw in weird things about myself, which would show him in no uncertain terms that he knew nothing about me. For instance, well, now that I am out of prison… and, of course, when I was married to Boris... my 16 children…

I agree with this one, he is fascinated by himself and thinks you are too. You are just a mirror to him.

Perhaps he thought he was being polite and would just let you talk about yourself?! Give him another try!

When you talked about yourself did he then engage you in conversation about what you said.
I might go on a date and drop a hint sometimes I think if they’ve been single for a while they only really think of themselves. But he could be an irritating bore, go on a date and find out!

I have met lots of people who do this, not just on dates

No I don't by let's blame him because he is male and we can use male privilege or whatever the next buzz word is

Males and female both do it, sure it annoys me but not just a malexthing

But she wasn't talking about herself! He was talking about himself the whole time.

Also this I’ve met a lot of women who are just the same! Mother in law for one.

Or perhaps we will see this on MN soon:

"I met a really nice woman at the park this morning. She started telling me all about herself and we have similar interests such as the arts etc, although I couldn't get a word in edge ways. However, I've asked her to dinner and she's agreed. How do I encourage to take a breath so I can talk"?

😀

When I was OLD I’d come across a lot of men like this. It was so bad I implemented a rule in my mind. They had 24 hours to ask one question about me, just the one. If they didn’t, then they got blocked! It might sound harsh but I wasn’t looking for someone to talk at me instead of to me.

That being said, I also know many women who are the same. I’ve stopped spending time with those people because again, I’m not interested in just being someone’s audience. It has to be a 2 way street.