Why does he speak to me like this?

[Trappedd]

Hello,

I'm not sure if I've just been conditioned over the years to think this is normal but my partner and father of my kids takes stuff out on me all the time.

Just now, he overslept for work, he's not late yet but he will be cutting it fine. I'd been getting our youngest to sleep and had no idea he had fallen asleep himself, I went downstairs after getting youngest off and found him snoring. Shook him awake, he jumped up asking what the time was.

Then just went nuts - swearing at me, called me a cunt, a twat, punched the wall, screaming at me to get out of his way, called me a retard. I started crying, and he told me not to turn on the waterworks and to pack it in.

Why does he do this? He is normally fine but has this real nasty streak at times.

He’s and abusive twat.

Simple as that really.

it’s not normal and it’s not ok.

Sorry I forgot to add my am I being unreasonable. Not really sure what it is - I feel like because he's never hit me people won't think it's that bad and that he doesn't believe its that bad

Hes an abuser

Because he is a nasty piece of work! I'm really sorry. I know that's an awful thing to say about anyone, but he is. No-one speaks to another person like that. It's horrible. I'd have shown him the door the first time it happened.

He speaks to you like that because he’s an abusive cunt.

the real question is what are you doing to leave him?

Do you think that because hes told you that by any chance?

I feel trapped because I have young children and nowhere to go, also everyone thinks he is the perfect partner and dad

and our social lives are so entwined, again everyone thinks he is such a gem

Because he is a cunt. In all my life I've never spoken to anyone like that and never been spoken to like that, even when seriously awful shit has happened.

Being sworn at is never acceptable under any circumstances

It doesn't matter what other people think. Their views are irrelevant.

Your children are growing up thinking his behaviour is normal. One day they may treat you the same way. Are you ok with that?

That is not how a person who loves and respects you, treats you. I wouldn't even expect that abuse from my worst enemy.

Do not tolerate it. There's a better life for you, beyond him.

Who cares what the think? You know different.

He's abusive - leave before the verbal abuse gets physical and the punching the wall turns in to punching you.
Get advice from a women's refuge charity.

Are you married? You’ll get a half of the marital assets if so.

if not, who owns the property?

I just feel so down trodden, never expected to end up in a position where I would allow this. It's so scary how easily they get you, he wasn't like this before we had children and now I feel trapped, the image he puts out to everyone else too

Nah, he shouldn't be speaking to you like that. It's not okay and it's not normal.. you're the mother of his children. He needs to fuck right off.

ridiculously, i actually found the don't turn on the waterworks comment the most hurtful, just felt so condescending and undermining

There are four types of abuse, just because he doesn't hit you, doesn't mean he is not abusive.

Please leave this abusive bastard before he hits you

You will do because it will make you feel trapped and completely helpless and frustrated which are the worst feelings.

I ask again- do you think people wo t believe you because hes told you that?

Film him. What a bastard.

Op that really isn’t ok. Can you talk to him when he’s not like that?

Say you were in the supermarket and your trolley was in the aisle and a male shop assistant was wanting to get past with something. Then they called you a cunt, a twat, punched the wall, screaming at you to get out of his way, and then called you a retard.

Would you think that was fine, because the guy hadn't hit you?

Would you say to yourself 'oh that's normal, I'm happy with that happening to me'.

Why is it ok to accept it from your partner.
Are you afraid of him?

My ex was great till we had kids, then the abuse started. Firstly the criticism, name calling, little digs to knock my confidence, reducing my access to money (no maternity pay after 6 weeks in them days). First time he hit me I left but it was only after I left when I realised exactly what had been happening. You need to have a serious talk with him if you think there is something worth saving but a better plan would be to leave him asap before it gets worse.

My other half is like a different person if he wakes with a start and often starts saying words related to what he was dreaming about before he realises he's no longer asleep. Sometimes that can be quite rude things and other times quite funny but he doesn't realise he's saying ridiculous things at the moment he wakes, but punching walls etc? Definitely not even if I wake him up suddenly.