New man's exes all hate him

[Ivenamechanged45]

Hates him.
He's said it ended "because of a row" but his friends have been less circumspect and all admitted their shock it ended, saying hours before they were getting on same as always and he seemed in love.
Then, after one fight, he suddenly dumped her. They'd been together a year. Late 30s. Broken up 2 months when we got together. I've tried for more info but he just says they weren't compatible.
But his friends said she was very upset and was furious with him for how suddenly it ended.
It seems to have happened with the woman before her too, plus to a lesser degree another woman. He just suddenly bolted, leaving everyone stunned. She also hates him.

He's very charming and charismatic, but doesn't give anything away emotionally.
Late 30s. No long term relationships since late 20s. Got impression that was fairly casual.
Never lived with a woman.
We get on really well. He seems so keen, has loads friends, great job, car introduced to friends etc.
He's definitely a party boy but has incorporated me into his life.
Am I mad?

So like basically he's got a huge dick, says the right things and he buys you stuff. Or whatever.

You'll be next on the recycling heap in due course as - and I mean this in the nicest possible way - for him there's nothing special about you particularly to make him want to hang around, just like all the rest.

We all know you're lovely and kind and all that (although possibly a bit naive) but he'll be adding you to the ex list soon enough and some other unfortunate female will be asking the same questions as you and wondering whether she can 'turn' him.

She won't.

He's a serial player.

I'm not sure. On the face of it, he has a pattern of avoiding commitment and you wouldn't be the first woman to optimistically think that it'll be different with you.

But then I have a female friend like this. She is lovely and says she won't settle or stay with anyone who doesn't enhance her life, or who she can't imagine spending the rest of her life with. So she enjoys their company, has fun, but then realises, for whatever reason, that they're not 'the one' and ends it. I always think of her as having strong boundaries, someone who doesn't want to waste anyone's time. I suppose it must be shocking and ego-denting to the dumpee though.

You are no different to any other woman in his life and he will do the same to you because it’s an issue with him

Why are you gossiping about him with his friends? How do you know that what they say is true? Its them telling you about his exes from what you've said, it isn't that you know or have met the exes. So it's hearsay isn't it?

I cannot on any level imagine gossiping about a friend with her new man

Maybe he should get shot of you AND his so-called friends. You're all gossips. Alternatively stop snooping, give him a try stay alert for red flags if you see any then, move on.

@DeeCeeCherry I agree , it's strange that his friends are talking to his new girlfriend about his exes.

I see what you mean but it's not quite gossip more a subtle warning. They definitely like him. I think they like me too although a bit standoffish. They definitely liked his ex, I think they feel sorry for her and how she was treated. It's more the partners of his mates, the women not the men, appearing to give me a coded warning not to get too attached as just a few months ago he was apparently in love with someone else and he's moved on very quickly.

I feel like people are jumping to pretty wild conclusions without much information. People leave relationships for all sorts of reasons. My husband never had a proper relationship before we got together and definitely flitted between women. I had quite a few casual things that I ended when things didn't feel right. I've been with my husband 16 years now.

I'm not saying that will be the case with you, there's literally no way of telling based on never meeting either of you. However it sounds like you have your doubts which is the most concerning factor.

At the end of the day, especially you're both late 30s, it would be literally impossible to meet anyone without any past relationship baggage. Also his friends partners/wives might not have all the info. They got attached to someone and were a bit gutted when that person isn't in their life anymore.

If the relationship feels good and you're both happy, I wouldn't let speculation mess it all up. That's the road to madness.

If you are looking for fling rather than a potential long term relationship, I’d overlook his past. If you want more than that, there are red flags waving.

Thanks all. Food for thought. It's early days and i like him lots, but being with someone who dumps everyone he's ever dated (bar one relationship nearly 20 years ago) for seemingly no clear reason is worrying me.

I don't understand what reason is needed apart from not wanting to be in a relationship anymore?

@IamnotSethRogan do you not? Because that's one perspective and an interesting one but my worry is abrupt endings indicate poor communication and a man who likes the honeymoon stage but flees when things get real. Basically what everyone is saying!

i think i'd just enjoy it for what it is, but don't expect him to be around long term.

*Ivenamechanged45 · Today 12:39

@IamnotSethRogan do you not? Because that's one perspective and an interesting one but my worry is abrupt endings indicate poor communication and a man who likes the honeymoon stage but flees when things get real. Basically what everyone is saying!*

I think it takes a long time to get to know someone really properly and I do think a person is entitled to leave when things aren't working, for whatever reason. I would say it's better than it being some big traumatic drama or someone being abusive. Lives to short to stay with someone you're not 100% sure about just because nothing insanely terrible has happened.

For comparison, I met a guy many years ago who seemed to adore me. Said his ex's were awful. We saw each other twice a week as he had his children 50/50 with his ex-w. Treated me well, introduced me to his best friend and other friends. We dated for almost a year, I thought we were in love, talked about a future etc regularly and we about to introduce our children but planned to not move in together. One of his friends mentioned one day to me that he could be 'flakey'. I didn't think much of it as he had never been that way with me.
One day he said it was over. Just like that, no explanation as to why except that he 'wasn't feeling it'.
In the few weeks after that I discovered that he was married, ex wife was in-fact current wife, married apparently quite happily according to his friend, one of the same friends I had met before and had said nothing.
If they are telling u he's a prick, he's probably a prick!