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Original poster

New man's exes all hate him

88 replies

Ivenamechanged45 · 14/01/2023 19:33

Hates him.
He's said it ended "because of a row" but his friends have been less circumspect and all admitted their shock it ended, saying hours before they were getting on same as always and he seemed in love.
Then, after one fight, he suddenly dumped her. They'd been together a year. Late 30s. Broken up 2 months when we got together. I've tried for more info but he just says they weren't compatible.
But his friends said she was very upset and was furious with him for how suddenly it ended.
It seems to have happened with the woman before her too, plus to a lesser degree another woman. He just suddenly bolted, leaving everyone stunned. She also hates him.

He's very charming and charismatic, but doesn't give anything away emotionally.
Late 30s. No long term relationships since late 20s. Got impression that was fairly casual.
Never lived with a woman.
We get on really well. He seems so keen, has loads friends, great job, car introduced to friends etc.
He's definitely a party boy but has incorporated me into his life.
Am I mad?

OP posts:
SpaceRaiders · 14/01/2023 21:24

IMO a man introducing you to his friends and family is completely meaningless. Men know that women place a big emphasis on meeting friends/family when in actuality it’s used as a means to build familiarity quickly. His track record alone would have me running in the opposite direction.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/01/2023 21:26

Soapnotshowergel · 14/01/2023 19:41

If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck....

If it walks like a commitment adverse prick and acts like a commitment adverse prick...

Quincythequince · 14/01/2023 21:28

Run OP.
He’ll cast aspersions over his exes and maintain it wasn’t him.

If he has a trail of them like this, it was, and soon you will be one of those exes being described the same way.

GlassBunion · 14/01/2023 21:28

He's obviously introduced all his exes to his friends too as his friends have told you about them.

He's playing around , getting bored and moving on. You've got evidence of this happening at least three times before you.

You're either the one that he wants to spend the rest of his life with or your the next one in his backstory that the next woman will hear about from his friends.

Like I said, he's incorporated you into his life.'

It's not about him.
It's about both of you.

Stupidsuperdryhoody · 14/01/2023 21:31

Well it's a pretty big red flag isn't it? There's that saying "when someone tells you who they are believe them"

VladmirsPoutine · 14/01/2023 21:33

Proceed at your own risk.

Barwickunited · 14/01/2023 21:37

If you are planning children and a life together then no. If you’re just bonking and you don’t mind him disappearing in a puff of smoke then go for it.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 14/01/2023 21:40

Man child alert!

You could hang around for the presents, but don't expect it to last.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2023 21:44

Him introducing you to his friends means fuck all, and if you're wanting a stable, long-term relationship, then yes, you'd be a fool to continue on with this man. Who he is has been made very clear.

Sartre · 14/01/2023 21:45

Sounds like a narc. They can’t stand being told they’re wrong to the extent they will totally blow up and reject everyone around them. He’s pushed his exes away suddenly because they will have called him out on something he’s insecure about. Run for the hills.

Pinkyandtwerky · 14/01/2023 21:50

He’s a charmer. He likes having an adoring woman on his arm. Likes his friends to see he can pick up women easily. Enjoys the chase and the love bombing and sucking you in. Likes regular sex and someone to be with when it suits him.
About a year or so in and you might then want more from him. Or stop entertaining him or stop being grateful for the displays and want commitment. At that point he’s irritated and allows an argument to be the catalyst to get him off the hook and on he goes.
Leaves the woman devastated and he is surprisingly ok and ready for a new partner despite having been apparently in love with the last one. He isn’t really as emotionally invested as he appears to be (or possible at all). He loves himself and loves whatever suits him.

habiller · 14/01/2023 21:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

HRTQueen · 14/01/2023 21:54

The writing is in the wall and it’s very clear

walk away or you too will join this ever growing group of ex’s that have been very hurt by him

CheekyHobson · 14/01/2023 21:55

Having “loads of friends” can also be a sign of someone who likes to keep relationships lightweight. They’re spread thin across lots of different people so nobody gets to know them very far past the surface of good times, a few drinks and a laugh.

Does he have many very good, close friends he sees often, who would be willing and able to call him on his shit?

MMMarmite · 14/01/2023 21:55

I'd steer clear, personally

Shahira78 · 14/01/2023 21:59

I think all women should meet a new guys ex pretty soon in the relationship. Not very realistic, I know.

I would be more inclined to believe her, but that's just me!

ShimmeringShirts · 14/01/2023 22:30

Well at least you’re forewarned about the way your relationship is going to end. You’re no different to all the other women he’s introduced to his friends then very suddenly broke up with.

Allthegirlseverseen · 14/01/2023 22:33

You won’t change him. You don’t ‘win’ anything by staying longer than his exes.

End it.

TedMullins · 14/01/2023 22:37

You’re not different to his exes. He’ll do the same to you

Onmyownagain1 · 15/01/2023 16:47

diamondpony80 · 14/01/2023 21:23

Possible narcissist? Just be careful. Sounds like he ends relationships abruptly once the honeymoon period is over.

This happened to me. He told me himself he'd also ended all previous relationships. I spoke to a therapist who suggested narcissism. Anyway, it doesn't matter what it's called- I was discarded like all the others in the end.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/01/2023 17:04

Ivenamechanged45 · 14/01/2023 21:16

What do you mean, as I thought a man introducing you to friends and so on was a positive thing? I'm really not trying to be dumb here and appreciate the advice

Show quote history

I'm with @GlassBunion on your "He's definitely a party boy but has incorporated me into his life" comment.

Think about it. He's 'incorporated' you into his life, rather than finding a meeting of your two lives. 'Assimilated' would be an apt synonym too.To be blunt, he's inserted you into the gap left by his last ex. His girlfriend-shaped gap, to be filled by a succession of women, one by one by one ....

He's not a keeper. If you're looking for a casual thing, fine; but if you're looking for a relationship, he isn't it, and he will effectively cock-block you from finding a man that you can have a relationship with you.

Tread water with him by all means, if that's all you want from him. But be aware that at some point in the not too distant future, he will manufacture a row, dump you unexpectedly, and move on to his next filler-of-the-girlfriend-shaped-gap.

Ohgoodyanotherone · 15/01/2023 17:18

As long as you are not looking for an exclusive LTR then you'll be fine.....anything more then this is not the man for you.

PatrickBasedman · 15/01/2023 17:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

ChristmasFluff · 15/01/2023 17:54

At least you know how it's going to end.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 15/01/2023 17:56

The biggest mistake anyone can make is thinking you can "fix" another person especially in the context of a relationship which I learned to my cost as wife number 4 having been told all the ex wives were crazy 🙄

Guess what ? I'm crazy ex number 4, crazy ex number 5 has recently been kicked into touch and there are rumours of number 6 being lined up on the horizon.....

Spot the common denominator eh?

It was a hard lesson to learn.

Of course perhaps the PP was being tongue in cheek but if not, thinking you can fix a person is usually totally unrealistic..... for a start, it's unlikely they feel they need fixing and all that happens is your self esteem hits rock bottom as you put more and more effort in but nothing changes so you believe you are the problem.....

Proceed with extreme caution or not at all....

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