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Original poster

Response I got from Charity when I asked for help

61 replies

Hagrod · 14/01/2023 11:05

I recently went through a bereavement, a charity heard about it and had a gift sent to my house with an email address where I could ask for help.

I explained my situation in full and said how desperate I am for help.

They responded saying my problems are too bad for them to deal with so there's nothing they will do to help me :/

I have never asked for charity before (never needed to) and I'm a bit upset that they offered me help, then wanted nothing more to do with me when they knew the full extent of my situation.

Is there anything I should have done?

OP posts:
atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 14/01/2023 11:06

I'm guessing the phrased it a bit nicer than that? Try the citizens advice?

cakeorwine · 14/01/2023 11:09

I have never asked for charity before (never needed to) and I'm a bit upset that they offered me help, then wanted nothing more to do with me when they knew the full extent of my situation

Did they signpost you to other organisations?

Charities often have situations that are too complex for them - but they also often have good relationships with other charities, councils etc who do have the skills and experiences to provide support.

Nimbostratus100 · 14/01/2023 11:09

Are they able to signpost you to someone else who might be able to help?

Original poster
Hagrod · 14/01/2023 11:11

It was a very politely worded two line email that did ask if I wanted to be told the names of other charities but was a clear "please don't contact us again".

OP posts:
MelchiorsMistress · 14/01/2023 11:14

The thing about charities is that they usually have very specific aims, and they are legally obliged to only spend their money on working towards those aims. If you need a different type of help to the one they provide, there isn’t much they can do except signpost you to other sources of possible help. Sometimes they can’t even do that if it’s not within their remit to give advice.

It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the help you need.

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 14/01/2023 11:14

Hagrod · 14/01/2023 11:11

It was a very politely worded two line email that did ask if I wanted to be told the names of other charities but was a clear "please don't contact us again".

Absolutely fine then. They've stopped you wasting your time asking them further.

harrassedmumto3 · 14/01/2023 11:15

They were just being honest. If they're not in a place to be able to help you, then it's best that they're transparent over that.
Sorry for your loss.

cakeorwine · 14/01/2023 11:23

Hagrod · 14/01/2023 11:11

It was a very politely worded two line email that did ask if I wanted to be told the names of other charities but was a clear "please don't contact us again".

So you got a polite reply, with the option of them offering to signpost you to other charities who can offer specialist support.

We do this a lot - sometimes we can't help people but will know who can.

DuplicateUserName · 14/01/2023 11:26

Hagrod · 14/01/2023 11:11

It was a very politely worded two line email that did ask if I wanted to be told the names of other charities but was a clear "please don't contact us again".

I'm really sorry for your loss but this was the correct course of action from them.

If they can't help, they can't help but they've offered to help get you in touch with people who can.

HedgehogOBrian · 14/01/2023 11:27

What did they actually say?

It can be really hard feeling rejected during a bad time but it sounds like they haven’t been unkind.

MolesOnPoles · 14/01/2023 11:31

Would you rather they tried to help you and did a bad job of it?

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 14/01/2023 11:31

If they can’t help you they can’t help you. They’ve politely replied and signposted you to other help… gently, what else would you have wanted them to do?

EdithWeston · 14/01/2023 11:34

Not all charities can do everything, and if your needs are beyond what they can provide, it's much better for you that they don't attempt anything beyond their field of activity.

If they didn't signpost any organisations that can help you, are you able to describe what it is you think you need and perhaps someone here can make suggestions

Sorry for your loss

Flowers
Zombiemum1946 · 14/01/2023 11:34

Sounds like they did the right and honest thing by telling you they ccouldn't help. Contact the other charities and see how it works out.

Florissant · 14/01/2023 11:36

Adding my voice: the charity acted correctly.

Trees6 · 14/01/2023 11:37

So sorry for your loss OP.

I think that their transparency is commendable. I would definitely take them up on their offer of suggestions of other resources.

Forthelast · 14/01/2023 11:38

It's hard but they will have strict rules about who falls into their remit. If they're not equipped to help you, it would be a disaster if they tried. The curt response is a pity but there is no easy way to express it, either. I would forget it and ask for details of others.

WeepingSomnambulist · 14/01/2023 11:41

What sort of help does the charity usually give?

What sort of help did you ask for?

If you need a lot more than they can give then they have to say no. They're not able to provide more than they're mission statement would allow and they need to direct resources to the people they can meaningfully help.

My aunt work for a charity who offer services to people who have lost someone to murder or suicide. They dont give out money or items but in december, they applied for and got a grant to give financial support to the clients who need it. They gave £400 to one new client and her response was "Is that all? That wont go far." And she complained that others were also getting money when she could use it so why couldnt she have more. She also complains every week that the 30 minute massage she gets after her counselling session isnt long enough and says that surely not everyone actually needs the massage therapy for their anxiety so cant she have a double appointment.

When they returned after the xmas break, the charity have informed her and the GP who referred her that they can no longer provide her with support because she wants more than the charity can offer. The charity were happy to continue giving her what they could, but she wasnt. It came down to "that's not good enough. You have to give me more or else .... threat threat threat."

Sometimes charities just cannot provide what you want and they need to say no.

Hellocatshome · 14/01/2023 11:46

Have you asked them for the details of other organisations like they offered?

If they cant help they cant help. They reached out to you in the first place which I think shows they were more than willing to help if they could.

oakleaffy · 14/01/2023 11:50

MelchiorsMistress · 14/01/2023 11:14

The thing about charities is that they usually have very specific aims, and they are legally obliged to only spend their money on working towards those aims. If you need a different type of help to the one they provide, there isn’t much they can do except signpost you to other sources of possible help. Sometimes they can’t even do that if it’s not within their remit to give advice.

It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the help you need.

THIS!
I too went to a charity years ago {Counselling related} and they said after an 'Interview' they couldn't help me, I was upset, but it was mainly as I wasn't in their ''Target group'' that was very narrow.

Was signposted to another place that did help.

thecatsthecats · 14/01/2023 11:54

This.

Part of my role is literally to gatekeep the help we give. At least a couple of times a week, I am contacted by someone absolutely desperate, but totally misguided about the help I can offer.

If I can signpost them, I do, but at least once a month, they expect our help anyway - in an area we have no knowledge of.

It's no fun at all turning people away, but there's plenty of work to be done supporting those we DO have the skills to support.

ShinyMe · 14/01/2023 11:54

I can't understand how you've interpreted "let us know if you'd like us to signpost you to other places that may be able to help" as "please don't contact us again". They've not said that at all, they've said they're not the right people for you but they can signpost you to some places that might be better.

gamerchick · 14/01/2023 12:01

What kind of help did you want from them?

Email them back and ask to be signposted to somewhere who can. There will be somewhere who can meet your needs.

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Calphurnia88 · 14/01/2023 12:04

Sorry for your loss OP.

If the charity aren't resourced to help you in your specific situation then they did the right thing. More than anything, it would be unethical for them to offer a service that they're not equipped for.

It's sounds like they've offered to provide the names of organisations that might be able to help, can you reach out to them?

InPraiseOfBacchus · 14/01/2023 12:08

Trees6 · 14/01/2023 11:37

So sorry for your loss OP.

I think that their transparency is commendable. I would definitely take them up on their offer of suggestions of other resources.

MH charity responder here.

The charity acted correctly - it would have been irresponsible of them and unhelpful for you if they'd attempted to offer help outside of what they're equipped/trained/funded/insured to work with. Charities would love to be superheroes, but we have limits. Every week, I have to disappoint a lot of people with specialist needs who feel very angry when we don't meet their expectations, and I get it, I really do.

I'm sorry this happened to you. If you want to, having a look at their signposted resources might help.

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