Response I got from Charity when I asked for help

[Hagrod]

I recently went through a bereavement, a charity heard about it and had a gift sent to my house with an email address where I could ask for help.

I explained my situation in full and said how desperate I am for help.

They responded saying my problems are too bad for them to deal with so there's nothing they will do to help me :/

I have never asked for charity before (never needed to) and I'm a bit upset that they offered me help, then wanted nothing more to do with me when they knew the full extent of my situation.

Is there anything I should have done?

OP, so sorry for your situation.

It is hard to ask for help and feels like such a struggle if you re passed from pillar to post.

No organisation should offer help or advice where they are not properly qualified or knowledgeable, so they did the responsible thing in acknowledging that.

Likewise they shouldn't offer generic 'help' unless they can give a proper referral. Sending the gift was nice (presumably) they should have left it there.

Are they a small local charity run by volunteers? Not everyone handles communication as empathetically as they could.

I really hope you can find the help and support you need.

The problem for many charities lies in definition of the word "help". So, in being clear about their service remit but also offering appropriate signposting links, I would suggest that the charity were being helpful, as well as honest. But the potential client defines "help" as being "please give me whatever I ask for" - there is a fundamental mismatch.

Even tougher is when a client contacts a service asking for "help" but can't articulate what sort of "help" they need. They know that something isn't right, but are perhaps looking for some magic wand-effect to make everything go away. This is why the best services are those which are clear and unambiguous about what they can and cannot offer.

I think the charity should have signposted to other organisations in their first reply and not put the onus on the enquirer to email back and say yes please put me in touch with someone else.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

If this charity isn't equipped to handle your specific situation, it's better that they were honest about that, instead of trying and messing it up for you. But I know it must feel disheartening. I hope you'll ask them for contacts for more appropriate organisations, or ask on the bereavement board here. I'm sorry things are hard for you.

I appreciate how you feel, but this was nothing more than them telling you they can't meet your needs and your specific situation is not within their remit. It's not personal and there's nothing they could have done otherwise.

They do not have the specific expertise you require and said they could signpost you to others if you want. They can't impose on you so they didn't signpost immediately. It has to be led by you.

In real terms, it's like you contacting the Dogs Trust and asking if they can take your pony. They just cant. It doesn't mean they don't care about your pony or hate ponies.

I hope you find the support you need.

yes, i agree, that would have been the helpful thing to do.

It depends. They could be seen to be endorsing those other charities then. Or the OP might assume that they could definitely help her when they might also not be able to given her specific situation. They might be seen to be 'imposing' their preferences if they signposted to some but not all available alternatives.

I can see why they would need her to request it than offer it unsolicited.

Lot's of people jumping to conclusions.

It could be that they said "we can offer some small help with your bereavement" and OP could have emailed back to say" I have multiple bereavements and housing issues and money issues and mental health problems and need help with all of that" and they quite rightly said we can't help you with any of that.

It's not too likley that they offered specific help and then complete;y refused taht help for no good reason.

I agree. But if they are a general bereavement support charity and there is significant trauma around the nature of the death (for example) that they were initially unaware of, they might not feel/be equipped to deal with that.

I suppose maybe it's a lesson for the charity to research people more before reaching out.

I think it's the fact they contacted then withdrew. It probably would not hurt anywhere near as much of the op had reached out independently.

Op,was there something in their reaching out and their advertising, that led you to believe they provided the service you were looking for?

if so then it’s wrong. If not and you asked for a level of help they don’t provide it is valid for them to say that and point you in the direction of other orgs who can help.