To expect a quick update and a simple thank you

[Shellsarebells]

My DS died a few years ago, sad death and she was estranged from her children. I organised her funeral with her two sons, all was good and we have a good relationship.

Last year I had a "lightbulb" moment, I suddenly realised she had an NHS pension and had her sons claimed the death benefits? I contacted one of her sons and he said no, never thought about it.

I work close to this area, so I told him how to claim it. To claim it probate was needed, I helped with the forms and he applied for probate which I can see has now been granted.

Throughout the process I kept in touch, how's it going etc. I made it clear that I was overjoyed and really hoped that they would get something that would be meaningful for them, my DS left next to nothing for them.

He now is completely ghosting me, not responding to messages and I'm sure the money must be through now.

I don't want a penny, they know that, I'm not entitled to anything anyway and anything they get is wonderful for them.

I feel hurt, I just want a thanks it's all sorted. Don't even need the amount as it's not my business. But I did spend a fair bit of time finding out how to deal with it etc.

AIBU to expect that?

As they say no good deed goes unpunished.

It's the blanking me that is hurting and it's going to change our relationship, which is sad.

I am not saying this is right or anything but I would take it personally I would just assume they have moved on with their lived and stay in contact with people they know in their life as in see them regularly

I would not take it as some deliberate act towards you, yes a basic thank you would be nice

We do see each other occasionally, although I suspect that will now stop.

Was she estranged from them because they're not actually very nice people?

No good deed goes unpunished.

No, not at all. Sadly the fault was all hers (addiction), I still always kept in touch though.

Yeah it’s rude sorry. My mums just died and I’ve still had the presence of mind to respond to texts etc

However if they weren’t in contact with your sis, you were probably a stranger to them and they might not want any contact?

They were happy to receive contact when it’s may have benefitted them though eh.

yanbu OP, it’s rude.

Perhaps they just want to put it all behind them. You did a good thing though.

YANBU. They are probably just thoughtless and think that they’re entitled to the money so your help was ‘meaningless’. (It wasn’t at all)

I know, I was always the organiser.

Things like DS got some inheritance via me. I convinced her to take a funeral plan because I knew any money she got disappeared. I knew that due to her addiction she would probably die young. I didn't want anyone burdened with the cost of a funeral, so it was sensible to get it sorted.

I just feel a bit sad that a two second thank you is not forthcoming.

My messages (I've sent two) completely ignored.

So odd.

Oh no, we've always had contact.

I backed and understood their decision to not have contact with my DS.

Yes they were. Emailing me forms to check over, lots of questions and I dealt with it all.

I'm sorry for your loss of your DM.

I can't message again can I?

Just leave it now?

Although what's the way forward now? I don't want to lose contact. It's like an elephant in the room.

Yes it's rude, but they probably think you want some money. Given their life experience they're probably not very trusting. I hope it comes around in time for you when they realise that's not what you wanted.

Wait till their birthday and wish them happy birthday?

I honestly couldn't have made it clearer how thrilled I was that they might get something meaningful. I really don't think they'd think I'd want one penny from them. I've spoken to them about how sad I feel that their DM ended up so unwell and how sad I am that they had such a hard life. They must know I've only ever tried to help and support them.

I do send cards, but I suppose they don't need responding too? If I message hopefully they'll respond. Good idea. It'll break the ice.

All this is sounding more about you than them though. It is about how you feel not what is best for them

Could it be a substantial amount? Wait til a birthday to wish happy birthday and dont mention the money

@WandaWonder I don't understand? I've posted as I'm upset? I'm posting about a situation? It's about me? That's why I'm posting?

I'm asking for a simple text "thank you, it's all sorted now"? K

Yes, someone down thread suggested that. I'm going to do that.

I don't think it would be a substantial amount, maybe a few thousand, it was over £10k as probate was needed.

But anything, would be lovely for them. They've got mortgages and stuff so it all helps.

Why don't you call instead of messaging? You could say you wanted to check everything is okay because you've not heard from them for a while. You could say they're close family and you don't want to lose touch. You could even ask if you've upset them in some way?

I'd rather do that than give up on a relationship with people I care about.

What we’re the 2 messages they ignored about?