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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex taking the kids away

66 replies

Starsandsky23 · 13/01/2023 22:53

so my ex sees the kids once a week. 5 and 3 year old.
That’s 52 times a year. Add on 15-20 days for when he’s taking them more.

So I’m obviously the full time parent. I’ve tried my absolute hardest for him to have the kids more to no avail.

he’s a good dad ‘when’ he has them.
he’s in another relationship (just over a year) I like the new girlfriend. She’s good with my kids that’s all I want.
anyway my ex has asked to take the kids to Lapland. I’ve said no. I want to be the one to experience it with the children first.
If he had the children more and didn’t just play ‘fun dad’ for 24 hours then I wouldn’t mind. Why should he have that glory?! AIBU

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/01/2023 22:57

Are you actually intending to take them? Can you afford it, have you planned it. Or is it something you have just thought you would like to do but is never really going to happen. If the latter then crap as it is for him to get the glory I don't think it is fair to say no.

Tohaveandtohold · 13/01/2023 22:58

I think in this sort of situation, It’ll be a shame for your children to miss out because of how you feel. The case of him seeing the children less is something you need to discuss and work out him having them more but the children will enjoy this. Also you can always be the first experience other things with them, it doesn’t have to be Lapland

Frumpymumma · 13/01/2023 23:00

I hope he takes you to court to fight that. Yabu as that's a very selfish reason not to let them go.

I would of loved to have taken my eldest to florida for 3 weeks but their dad asked and had the opportunity to go. Why would I let my dc miss out on that! So of course i let them take dc. Despite in other areas him not being the greatest dad

Frumpymumma · 13/01/2023 23:01

So what then happens if he wants to take them to France, Spain, Australia, florida etc. Will you say no until you have 1st?

cestlavielife · 13/01/2023 23:03

Let him take them
For all the insta pics there will be much times
Of getting kids into snow suits and then they want the toilet etc
Take them on nice trips when they older snd will appreciate it
And can do their own dresing toilet washing

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/01/2023 23:07

I think YABU, kindly.

Let them have good times with him too. It will make them happier to know that both their parents love them and to have good memories with both of you.

There are loads of lovely things to do with your kids other that Lapland - most kids don’t go there at all. Do something nice for yourself whilst they’re away too. Knowing they’re happy.

babytum · 13/01/2023 23:09

That is a really childish reason to deprive your children of a holiday. Wise up

Qwaszx · 13/01/2023 23:17

There are so many things to experience in this world.

But... You're a sole parent, being offered a break. Take it, with both hands, and recharge your batteries. You'll be a better mum for it.

Yes, you'll miss them, but they won't love you any less.

(I wouldn't / couldn't have taken this advice when my kids were younger, but I'd jump at the chance now!)

PacificallyRequested · 13/01/2023 23:24

It's petty to deny your kids a holiday. Plus the sensible thing to do would be to pick somewhere warm to "experience first", Lapland would be bloody freezing!

JudgeRudy · 13/01/2023 23:30

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/01/2023 22:57

Are you actually intending to take them? Can you afford it, have you planned it. Or is it something you have just thought you would like to do but is never really going to happen. If the latter then crap as it is for him to get the glory I don't think it is fair to say no.

This!

JudgeRudy · 13/01/2023 23:32

babytum · 13/01/2023 23:09

That is a really childish reason to deprive your children of a holiday. Wise up

Selfish, not childish

Mariposista · 13/01/2023 23:35

How selfish and immature.

JudgeRudy · 13/01/2023 23:38

He will need your permission to take them out of the country but you're being a dick for saying no because you're jealous and angry.

What formal arrangements do you have regards the children spending time with their dad? Could you agree something you think is fairer eg every other weekend with Dad (Fri tea time to Monday school off) and longervin school holidays so they're getting a 'run' and used to being with Dad for longer.
If its simply YOU want that experience, tough!
If you play games this could go badly wrong and you'll end up with an inflexible arrangement that benefits no one.

Worldwide2 · 13/01/2023 23:54

Yabu don't deprived them of this just because you want to be first. Think of their happiness instead of your feelings

Original poster
Starsandsky23 · 14/01/2023 00:22

Yes I’m taking them but it will be the weekend after. Sorry I should have added that.
It annoys me how he doesn’t pay maintenance, has them 24 hours a week but will still experience this first.

OP posts:
knowsmorethansnow · 14/01/2023 00:49

I think it is really selfish on your part.

giggly · 14/01/2023 01:04

so you have both booked to go to Lapland a week apart?

BabyOnBoard90 · 14/01/2023 01:06

Sounds petty. Put the children above your ego

Testina · 14/01/2023 01:06

@Starsandsky23 “Yes I’m taking them but it will be the weekend after. Sorry I should have added that.”

Yeah, you should - it’s a very different situation. It’s really odd not to have said though!

You can’t stop him, so I would look on the bright side… they are going to be so excited knowing what they’re going back to, that they’ll probably enjoy the second trip even more! You can spend the whole week with them filling you in on the best bits.

Why isn’t he paying maintenance?

Deathbyfluffy · 14/01/2023 01:10

Stop drop feeding - there’s nothing more annoying than half a story then the post being updated which changes everything.

Also, you are being unreasonable and petty. Focus less on your feelings of his ‘contributions’ and more on the kids.

cestlavielife · 14/01/2023 10:38

How bizarre
So you booked
Then he did?
Anyway the kids will not even remember the trip .
Move yours to next year when they both older and will appreciate it more
What else is on your "me first" list?

Ineverwannabelikeyou · 14/01/2023 10:44

You've already booked it? Seems convenient!

I would try and change it for something else, so they get to do two nice things. Don't be selfish, this isn't about you.

BabyFour2023 · 14/01/2023 10:46

Seems very convenient you’ve now booked for the weekend after.

let them go with their dad. It’s not about you having “the glory” it’s for the kids.Is school in between? They will probably be tired with 4 flights in 10 days.

countvoncount · 14/01/2023 10:47

Absolute bollocks, no way have you already booked the weekend after!!
Pull the other one. Let the kids go.

LlynTegid · 14/01/2023 10:50

If you have booked and paid for it, two weekends away in succession to the same place is not a good idea.

If you have not, then you are being reasonable.

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