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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you go back to this man?

68 replies

cazcasey · 13/01/2023 11:00

Would I be crazy?
We were together a couple of years.
Both divorced and both have kids.
Late 40's
We communicate differently.
He shuts down when I pull him up on anything. He wont speak to me for days and ignores me. He returns when I convince him to talk.
He can get very down, like a low level depression. He can take to the bed for sometimes weeks on end and rings in sick from work very often.
He can be kind and attentive. Was very very attentive for the first year of our relationship and very generous. Not t so much anymore.
He is fundamentally selfish as a person.
Selfish in bed at times.
He can present as a different person on the company of my family and friends.
As in, charming, chatty and funny.

He can be entertaining to others but I've found him to become increasingly sarcastic, sneery and vindictive in the last six months.
He can punish me and then apologise profusely.
His behaviour doesn't change though.
I enjoy his company and we have shared interests.
Sometimes I think he is jealous of the attention I give my children.
He can be a bit sarcastic towards them.
He is like a mix of two men.
I just can't make sense of him.
I'm
In the process of ignoring him as I'm
Sick of his latest bullshit carry on.
Would you bother with him.
We don't live together.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 13/01/2023 11:01

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Nope.

Bronnau · 13/01/2023 11:01

If you need to ask the question, you already know the answer. He's a bellend. Don't do this to your kids.

Nap1983 · 13/01/2023 11:01

Just read that back and imagine it wasn’t you that wrote it… what advise would you give?

Tell him to do one…

catmademedoit · 13/01/2023 11:02

No ... I deserve better and so do you

Toucan123 · 13/01/2023 11:02

No I absolutely would not bother him. Life is short and time is precious so why waste any of it with someone like that?

JoyPeaceHealth · 13/01/2023 11:02

No, he gives you the silent treatment for days.

No.

OoooohMatron · 13/01/2023 11:03

I wouldn't even if he looked like Tom Hardy and had a 10 inch cock.

Motherofalittledragon · 13/01/2023 11:04

Nope, no chance in hell.

AffIt · 13/01/2023 11:05

takealettermsjones · 13/01/2023 11:01

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Nope.

Perfectly put. 😄

MrsColinRobinson · 13/01/2023 11:06

Why the hell would you want anything to do with someone who sounds awful and potentially abusive?

Fedupofdiets · 13/01/2023 11:07

This has to be a wind up surely?

MRSDoos · 13/01/2023 11:07

You’ve just given us a list of about 30 reasons to avoid him - of course we are going to say absolutely do not go back. Was you expecting responses of “he sounds wonderful, what a catch”

You dodged a bullet OP xx

TheVanguardSix · 13/01/2023 11:07

Burn the hair shirt, OP. Leave that roadkill exactly where it is. Picking it up and taking it home won’t resuscitate what’s already gone. 💐

cazcasey · 13/01/2023 11:08

This is not a wind up.
I decided not to overthink.
I just wrote as memories came into my head about his behaviour.
He can be the kindest sweetest most
Loving and caring man also.
As I said, like a man with two personalities or something.

OP posts:
Jknow · 13/01/2023 11:13

It’s classic abuser territory OP, that’s why he seems like two people. It’s like a game of cat and mouse. He couldn’t be an arsehole to you ALL the time because then you’d just go and he wouldn’t get to abuse you. Hence switching between nice/nasty to reel you back in and scramble your brain until you don’t know which way is up.

Leave.

orangegato · 13/01/2023 11:15

OoooohMatron · 13/01/2023 11:03

I wouldn't even if he looked like Tom Hardy and had a 10 inch cock.

You have made my day.

Whiskeypowers · 13/01/2023 11:17

OoooohMatron · 13/01/2023 11:03

I wouldn't even if he looked like Tom Hardy and had a 10 inch cock.

this

pointythings · 13/01/2023 11:20

There's not enough no in the world for me to express how no this is.

Work on loving yourself more. You deserve better.

IcallitVera · 13/01/2023 11:20

No chance in hell. Anyone CAN be kind and sweet if they want to. When he isn't, it's because he doesn't want to. I wouldn't waste my life with a guy like this.

NeverHadANickname · 13/01/2023 11:34

Do not go back to him. You deserve so much better.

dontleaveitthere · 13/01/2023 11:37

Why is this even a question

Block him and be free from this utter shite

reelcat · 13/01/2023 11:50

No way. You would be stupid to do so

CalistoNoSolo · 13/01/2023 11:53

Jesus, why would you. He sounds like an utter twat.

Warspite · 13/01/2023 11:54

Listen to what we are telling you.
Bin him.
Move on.
Start by changing your locks if he has a key. Give him a bit of insecurity. Taste of his own medicine.
Read our lips! Bin that man.

FawnDrench · 13/01/2023 11:57

Good grief - don't be ridiculous- of course not!