Would you go back to this man?

[cazcasey]

Would I be crazy?
We were together a couple of years.
Both divorced and both have kids.
Late 40's
We communicate differently.
He shuts down when I pull him up on anything. He wont speak to me for days and ignores me. He returns when I convince him to talk.
He can get very down, like a low level depression. He can take to the bed for sometimes weeks on end and rings in sick from work very often.
He can be kind and attentive. Was very very attentive for the first year of our relationship and very generous. Not t so much anymore.
He is fundamentally selfish as a person.
Selfish in bed at times.
He can present as a different person on the company of my family and friends.
As in, charming, chatty and funny.

He can be entertaining to others but I've found him to become increasingly sarcastic, sneery and vindictive in the last six months.
He can punish me and then apologise profusely.
His behaviour doesn't change though.
I enjoy his company and we have shared interests.
Sometimes I think he is jealous of the attention I give my children.
He can be a bit sarcastic towards them.
He is like a mix of two men.
I just can't make sense of him.
I'm
In the process of ignoring him as I'm
Sick of his latest bullshit carry on.
Would you bother with him.
We don't live together.

No, I wouldn't put myself through that and I certainly wouldn't subject my children to it.
He wants someone to pick on and that certainly wouldn't be me!

Sounds like an absolute man child with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

I think you know what the answer is op

🤣

^ this

"He wont speak to me for days" - and that is as far as I read before thinking 'nope, nopity-nope, would I be fool enough to have any form of relationship with this man.

Frankly you're making excuses for him with 'depression' and 'like a mix of two men' (hinting at MH issues). No! Abusers can't abuse 24/7, their victims would walk. But by being "the kindest sweetest" occasionally or "punish me and then apologise profusely" they keep you off-balance and second-guessing, convince you that the problem is you, not them. It's bullshit!

His 'two personalities' are just different points in the cycle of abuse. Nasty - it's mask off, the real him, enjoying punishing you (interesting that you recognised that he is punishing you, OP). Nice - it's mask on, pretence, confusing you, keeping you on the hook, to be punished later when he feels he's been nice for quite long enough.

Thank god you don't live together, it makes permanently removing him from your life so much easier. And that's what you need to do - get shot of him, he's an abusive prick.

I take it you're free from him currently?
Please stay that way. Going back to him will just become miserable and complicated.

Yes I'm free from
Him currently but he's started to try to contact me again but I've blocked him on WhatsApp and on sm.
I'm really not interested in him anymore. It's too much work for too little joy.

Darling, just read your own words. He’s a manipulative arsehole who treats you badly. Have some self-respect. x

If he was a car, would you keep it because despite a list of huge problems, it ran really well sometimes?! There’s better men out there OP, no point holding on to a dud.

Lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nope

To could be he has bipolar issues?

Block him on everything. I don't even have enough words to describe how much of a "no" this man is.

If you have to ask AIBU, you already know the answer. Just admit it's a great big

OH HELL NO

No. He's a cunt.

So?! That doesn’t suddenly make him a better option.

Oh come on. Never date a male who ‘punishes’ you in anyway, who is jealous of and sarcastic to your kids. You need to do far better for your kids, what are you teaching them about bare minimum standards? Don’t inflict any future boyfriends on them unless it benefits them and after you e done extensive work on yourself-therapy, self respect, etc.

I’d actually be really insulted and quite angry that such a low quality man would think I’d accept him in to my bed.