To not want to take DD out driving?

[Jknow]

DD is 18 and learning to drive. She’s been having lessons since July. She has her own car which has been fitted with a dual brake, she has her lessons in her own car.

I first went in the passenger seat with her a few months ago and no word of a lie, it was fucking terrifying, her driving was awful (basic stuff like driving directly at a row of parked cars). I decided I’d let her have a good few more lessons before I went out practicing with her again.

I tried it again today, and she is a bit better now,
I only had to brake for her twice, grab the wheel to stop her from clipping a house once, and she hit the curb once. But it was still pretty scary, she’s very erratic and despite trying my best to stay and sound calm my heart was going like the clappers.

i know she needs more hours on the road practicing, that’s the only thing that’s going to get her ready to pass. And I’m a single parent so it’s all on me, there’s no one else who can take her out. And I know I’m being unreasonable in not wanting to take her, but I guess it’s a self preservation thing, it honestly feels like anything could happen.

How can I make this more bearable? Also, driving instructors, I salute you, I’m definitely crossing that off the list of jobs that I could do.

Does her driving instructor think she is safe enough to go out with you? My DD had 5 lessons before her instructor said give it a go with a parent. She passed first time after 20 lessons and me taking her out as well. Okie nearest roundabout is 9 miles away so that's mainly what I took her out to practice on. You sound like you are quite nervous as well so maybe you just aren't suited to teaching her. I also think the fact your own car has dual controls is part of the problem. I couldn't brake when I was taking my DD out so it meant she was responsible for all the decisions. If you genuinely believe your DD is not safe without your braking for her you should not be on the road with her.

Maybe you should take her to big car parks when it’s late and quite and practice parking, manoeuvres and also drive home when it’s quite. Let her learn mainly with the instructor but after 36 lessons and still driving like that, maybe you need to change instructors.

DS is only 17 and having driving lessons.. I drive a large estate car - and that's the one that he's insured to drive at the moment. The first time I took him out in it I did quite a bit of screaming... and we agreed that the narrow roads of Dorset weren't ideal... a few more lessons and I started taking him out near where we live - it has been a lot better - and it's clear that he does gain considerable benefits from driving more regularly than just his weekly lessons. The only thing I can suggest is to try to go to somewhere that's quiet and relatively low traffic - and ideally low traffic speeds, and drive around that quite a bit rather than busier locations until things improve.

That sounds hard, my nephew is learning and the only one who can bear to take him out is my mum. His mum and dad caught with him and I was terrified. But he is nearly there now.

I know you are saying you don’t want to think because she is autistic she can’t drive but I also think you need to consider she might not be able to drive because she just can’t not related to her autism if that makes sense? I know some people who are just not made to drive and have spent huge amounts of time and money they could used for taxis instead before accepting they were one of life’s pedestrians. Whatever happens she will find a way to get where she needs to be!

Aww yes, I remember it well, with DS1 at 17, in the end it was too stressful for me, gave DH the job of going out with him.

It doesn't sound like driving comes naturally to her. Poor you. My DS is 17 next week and has his first driving lesson booked. I'll be going out with him in his own car, but won't be going on the actual roads where there's other cars until I'm confident he has mastered the basics.

Large empty car parks is where we will be.

My mum used to take me to a business park at 8am on a Sunday as there wouldn't be much traffic and the car parks would be empty. Maybe you could do something like that.

Dd was like this and was so bad her instructor actually dumped her and said she was too dangerous. We swapped her to automatic lessons. She is dyspraxic and really struggled with manual. Took to automatic like a duck to water and passed first time, she could concentrate on steering if she wasn’t thinking about gears.

And I think manual cars are a dying breed so what’s the point in struggling with them.

I would like to drive but it's the $$. All the best op