Panicking about having another baby!

[chocolatebuttonlover]

I'm posting here for traffic - but feel like maybe I do also need to get someone to snap some sense into me, since I'm nearly 20 weeks pregnant, so a bit late to change my mind now!

I have one DC who's 18 months now. She's brilliant, sweet, fun and was relatively easy as a baby - hence why I didn't think twice about trying again with a fairly small age gap.

Today however, I just feel totally like life is falling apart with just one DC. Went to take the dog for a walk to find that the buggy has gone mouldy in the boot of the car.., GREAT.

Drive to parents house to borrow their spare buggy, while she's screaming all the way there, finally get walking and she won't sit in the buggy, falls flat on her face into a pile of mud and the Ddog ends up with a short walk because I'm just so overwhelmed and flustered.

The house is a mess, I've fed her crap all day to keep her happy and I can't even imagine what it's going to be like with a newborn thrown into the mix, breastfeeding, sleep schedules and trying to look after TWO KIDS!!!?

DC does go to nursery one day a week, and grandparents have her twice a week - then DH does one day, and I do one day off work a week. I think we'll try and maintain Dcs routine as much as possible but there will be days where I have both kids without any help and financially I'm not sure I can justify nursery costs if I'm off and not earning as much as I am now

Someone knock some sense into me! Will we cope? How am I going to handle the sleep deprivation? I'm terrified all of a sudden

Today was just a bad day.

I have a 2 year gap between mine. Was it hard? Yes. Did I manage? Yes.

Ask for and take all the help you can get.

You will cope but it will be really hard going for the first year! At least you have grandparents nearby.

Stuff like a mouldy buggy will not be an issue. You will give it a vague wipe before putting your child in it. Children will eat mainly biscuits and pouches (depending on age). Hygiene standards will fall. Hopefully you will get a good sleeper

Seriously prepare yourself for a difficult year. Don't plan any holidays. Remember it's not forever. One day you will have time to clean your house again. Get a sling for the baby. Get your toddler helping you passing the wipes etc. Embrace the chaos! Once they start playing together it's lovely and so much fun

Hi @chocolatebuttonlover you will cope, you got this 💪 honestly don't worry and enjoy your pregnancy xx

So make life easy for yourself. Get baby used to a bottle as well as your boobs from day 1 so DH can pitch in. Make sure there’s a changing mat, supplies and bouncer on both floors of the house. Take baths with both kids to tick you all off at the same time. Put a mattress on DD’s floor in preparation of a bit of musical beds - at least when it happens DH (or you) won’t be lying on the floor, or having to bring her into you room while the baby is in there. Buy a few new toys in advance that you can whip out at particularly fraught moments (just cheap stuff like colouring books, jigsaws etc). Make sure things are ‘ready’ before you attempt them - if it’s bath time make sure towels and clean clothes are laid out before you all get in the tub. Get a fantastic double buggy, and fill the bottom with cartons of juice/snacks/a roll up changing mat/nappies etc.

And practice some breathing exercises for the witching hour 😉

And yes don’t plan any bloody weekends away or ‘overnight stays’ at relatives houses. In fact, book nothing. Look into general under 4s play groups so DD can charge about while you feed or hold the baby. There’s usually a kindly older lady who is more than happy to hold them for you!

Can you get her an extra day in nursery? Now, I mean, then she'll be used to it if you need it when the baby arrives.
It might give you both a bit of breathing room iyswim?

Yes you will cope 🙂 Some days will be hard, many will be good. I say this as a mum who had PND after both babies.
DS2 was so much easier than DC1. Chilled happy baby and I felt more confident because I had done it before.
Its lovely to have two close in age. As they get older they have a lot of fun together

I am going to be in the same boat as you OP with 2 under 2 (I'm 30 weeks now) and have spent many a sleepless night worrying about how I will cope.
My dd falls somewhere between an easy child (a pleasant cheery manner, plays nicely) and difficult child (sleep has been pretty crappy and now prone to a tantrum or two). I pray that dc2 sleeps better as that will be half the battle!
I plan to do a few things I've seen on here such as make up a packed lunch for myself and dd the night before to make lunchtime easier, and will not feel guilty for needing to use some peppa pig to get by!

Stardrops vinegar spray is good for cleaning off the mould on the pram, but a quick once over with a baby wipe isn't the end of the world either (but I appreciate that it feels like a much bigger thing at the time when you're already stressed)

Don't agree with getting them on a bottle so DH can 'help'. My second refused bottles despite introducing them in the same way as my combi fed eldest.

There was way more useful things DH could do to help in the early days. Mostly taking toddler 100% of the time he was home and doing things to run the house. I could then focus on feeding baby.

It was so easy breastfeeding second baby (once past the initial hard bit of course) I could feed baby while reading to eldest or playing with him.

It is hard though. They are now almost 6 and 4 and it's finally easy and fun.

@Twizbe i would really recommend it. Means OP can get a stretch of sleep if needed, can take her toddler somewhere for a couple of hours so they don’t feel jealous that the baby is permanently attached to her etc.

I’ve spent £18k on ivf and still have no baby- I’d cut my right arm off to be in your position .

You don't have to BF. Bottles are fine, from day 1 so feeding can be a joint effort.

You’ve had a really bad day today so try not to panic. It will be hard but it does get easier (15 months between my two DDs).
Have a full caddy of nappy changing equipment at least upstairs and downstairs so they are easy to grab. One of things I found most difficult was going up and down the stairs (especially with a baby and a 15 month old who wasn’t quite walking). Having toothbrushing stuff in the kitchen was a lifesaver. Sounds really stupid but not having to drag both children back up the stairs
was brilliant!

Sending love to you 💔💔💔

OP’s situation is completely separate to your sad story.

Yep, but I read it all the same and broke down in tears, I might never be this lucky. Just another opinion I guess.

@SquashPenguin I'm so sorry to hear this, my intention was never to make anyone feel bad or upset - and I know I am incredibly blessed to be in this position. I really hope you get your baby soon x

Gently, please take this to a suitable thread or forum. I have every sympathy with your situation but you will only make yourself (and OP) feel bad. She is completely within her rights to worry and ask for advice.

I really do empathise with your situation but posting that was really unkind to the OP.

It’s comments like this that I feel massively contributed to my PND. Feeling like you can’t say anything negative about motherhood because we must at all times feel grateful we have children is massively detrimental to Mums’ mental health.

I am very sorry you’ve not been able to have a baby of your own yet, genuinely. That doesn’t mean you should discourage Mum’s from sharing their stresses/worries.

I have a similar age-gap (22 months) and, I won't lie, it was pretty horrific for the first year/18 months (though it did get gradually better within that time). I remember several nights when they literally tag-teamed all night. Also, the very first time I took them both to the local stay and play (when DC2 was six weeks old) was so awful it took me another 5-6 weeks to go back 🤣

Saying that, I got through it and by the time they were 2 and 4 started playing together so well... They're still best friends at the age of 6 and 4, they get on so well.

I would say routine (and fresh air/getting out!) is key. By time DC2 was six months, I had them in a routine of nap for DC2, go out to activity, back for lunch then they both had a lovely nap (until DC1 was about three). Then quieter afternoon.

@Cuppasoupmonster @Coffeeandchocs honestly you have absolutely no right to silence the pp! She’s perfectly entitled to share her perspective. Perhaps helpful to the op?

OP if you're set on a breastfeeding journey then I don't recommend introducing a bottle from day 1 as another poster has suggested, you'll end up with bottle confusion and then you might as well just FF. Nothing wrong with that though.

If your firstborn doesn't attend any childcare setting it might be worth looking into this to give yourself time to bond with new baby. I'm going to be imminently in this situation as I'm 39 weeks preg - my oldest goes to nursery 3 mornings a week, and then his grandparents help me out with him on the other 2 mornings. His dad does most of the childcare weekend mornings. I just about manage with him the rest of the time, but even without the new baby being here it's already very very hard, so you need to consider now how different you might feel in 10-15 weeks.

You think that someone essentially saying “at least you have children” is helpful?

It’s not.
When I was in the depths of PND I didn’t seek help for too long because I didn’t want people to think I didn’t realise how lucky I was to have a healthy baby.

been there with PND, also been there on the other side. Personally when I find mothering impossibly hard and I’m at the end of my rope, I do find it helpful to think about how desperately I wanted these children for so long and how lucky I am to have them. It brings it all back into perspective for me. So yes I think it’s ok for that pp to share her perspective and offer it up and I don’t think she should be banished to a different corner of mumsnet .

(also This is Aibu after all, so not the place most advised for the op to post if she’s feeling especially fragile, doesn’t want to hear a range of views).

Well let’s follow this to a logical conclusion, maybe that poster should be grateful she has a roof over her head? Food on the table? There are some complaints on here that are really trivial, this isn’t one of them. It’s not even a complaint so much as a perfectly normal worrying about a landmark event in her life.