to quit work for a year for this plan?

[LampLamp]

I have been trying to have a baby for an number of years and faced a lot of miscarriages.

Due to a lack of self worth and mental health issues, I didn’t pursue having this investigated and dealt with when I was younger.

I then stopped trying to get pregnant for a few years and happily found myself, aged 39 and pregnant in September, which sadly ended with a miscarriage in October.
I haven’t been able to get over/cope with this at all. I spend most of my waking hours fighting off tears. My drive to and from work is me in hysterical tears, every day.

I’m now 40 and desperate to have a baby. It is all I can think about.

I’m fat.
Older
Have mental health issues which are cropping back up due to grief.
I also find myself in a very stressful new job, which due to a existing medical conditions (don’t impact fertility etc) which cause fatigue means I leave the house at 7am, work all day and get home at 7pm, eat and go directly to bed/sleep.

I’m thinking about taking a year off work and make getting pregnant my job for the year.

I’m in the very fortunate position where my DH is well paid and can afford to support us both.

This would include:
Drastically losing weight
Upping fitness
Attending therapy to deal with mental health
Eventually even fertility treatment

I know I’ve left it late in life (my life didn’t come together properly until I was 38 due to horrendous abuse) but if you were in my position and could throw everything at it for a year would you?

Yes but I'd also have a plan b for of things didn't work out the way I hoped.

Honestly? Yes, I would. I have no idea what the right thing is for you, but whatever you do, and whatever happens, I hope you are both very happy with it, best of luck x

Yes, in your position I totally would. If your DH is on board and supports you, why the hell not?
Good luck Op, in fact - the BEST of luck.

If you’re in a position to do it then absolutely go for it!

It seems a bit drastic. I do understand how much you want a baby but I don't think making it the entire focus of your life, aged 40, is necessarily healthy either.
Could you get signed off for a while and/or cut your hours so you can have a better balance? You can lose weight, get fit and have therapy while you're working, if you have the headspace.

Yes I definitely would. But also have a plan B. I would go hard on the therapy with the view to coming to a place where I would be able to accept whatever the outcome of ttc would be. I think you will be in a much better place to live the rest of your life after dedicating that time to self awareness and self improvement.

Good luck!

I think I’d find making conception literally the entire focus of my life would be a huge amount of pressure. Getting AF each month would surely be even more devastating with nothing much else to focus on.

I can’t really get signed off work or reduce hours as it is a brand new job (last week) and I’m heading up a department where most of my direct reports need constant support.

I physically cannot work the job I’m working (or any job in my field) and put in the work I would need to lose weight/get fit.

BTW I appreciate all replies from both sides.

Does your workplace offer a sabbatical rather than having to quite completely?

It sounds like a good plan to take a year to prioritise yourself and your health. But I think you also need to consider a longer term plan? You’re saying you work 12 hours a day, you’re exhausted and then go straight to bed? How would a baby/child fit in with that? Would you want to do such a full on job and have children? I’d take The year off, but I’d also use to it make your life balance a bit happier? Hope that comes across right! :)

If you are able to do this I think you should, if your DH agrees. I would. I wish you every happiness for your future. It is probably worth having some investigations done if you have experienced multiple miscarriages.

If I had children I probably wouldn’t return to work until they were at nursery (I know I’m very fortunate) and would look at other avenues of employment.

I don’t know a single person in my industry who has worked part time.

Staygoldponyboystaygold

I am now under the recurrent miscarriage clinic who are investigating. I have a second scan coming up this month, along with bloods and they already have in place a plan re what to do should I be lucky enough to get pregnant again.

I'd go straight for fertility treatment now. Don't wait a year. You can still take year off but I would not wait to start treatment

If you can afford it, do it.

As others said have a back up plan in case you don't get pregnant but getting healthier in body and mind will definitely help you feel better.

Good luck op. I'm sorry for all the loss you have had.
Fair play to you for all you are trying to do 💐

Yes I would but you need to be mindful of how all consuming trying to conceive and fertility treatment can become. If you don't have a job will you be obsessing over it 24/7? I am about to start IVF later this year and my job provides some much needed distraction otherwise I would go insane! I wish you good luck whatever you decide xx

Are you very overweight or just a bit?

My concern would be, how would you feel if you did all that, put in all that effort and time and emotion and it still didn't work? That needs to be part of your plan.

Oyster - very

Yes I would.

You can't pour from an empty cup. You sound like you have extreme mental and emotional fatigue and in your situation I would leave.

I would also look at a very part time, stress free job, if nothing else it gives a bit of focus to your days

Good Luck xx

Yes, do it. Even if you are not lucky with pregnancy, the things you are planning to do with the time all sound very worthwhile and life-enhancing. Don't squander an opportunity like this one.

I do have an allotment, so I thought perhaps that could be a good focus and a additional source of exercise and it has been great for my mental health.

Regarding it not working - this is a very real consideration of mine and what is stopping me.
I think I would like to engage with some kind of therapy which would help me find purpose and direction if we should end up childless.

Yes, definitely do it, life’s too short. I would get onto the fertility treatment straightaway, don’t hang around with that. You can still be eating healthier/exercising whilst doing your fertility treatments (if needed) but I’d say that’s of vital importance. You could take that year to really relax…lie in, do yoga, take lovely long walks, read etc
Good luck, hope it works out for you 💜

It's a no-brainer, OP. Do it.

@LampLamp yes. I lost 6 stone before having IVF and my consultant said it would have made a massive difference to my outcome. I was 36.

@Staygoldponyboystaygold your username made me well up! ❤️