to quit work for a year for this plan?

[LampLamp]

I have been trying to have a baby for an number of years and faced a lot of miscarriages.

Due to a lack of self worth and mental health issues, I didn’t pursue having this investigated and dealt with when I was younger.

I then stopped trying to get pregnant for a few years and happily found myself, aged 39 and pregnant in September, which sadly ended with a miscarriage in October.
I haven’t been able to get over/cope with this at all. I spend most of my waking hours fighting off tears. My drive to and from work is me in hysterical tears, every day.

I’m now 40 and desperate to have a baby. It is all I can think about.

I’m fat.
Older
Have mental health issues which are cropping back up due to grief.
I also find myself in a very stressful new job, which due to a existing medical conditions (don’t impact fertility etc) which cause fatigue means I leave the house at 7am, work all day and get home at 7pm, eat and go directly to bed/sleep.

I’m thinking about taking a year off work and make getting pregnant my job for the year.

I’m in the very fortunate position where my DH is well paid and can afford to support us both.

This would include:
Drastically losing weight
Upping fitness
Attending therapy to deal with mental health
Eventually even fertility treatment

I know I’ve left it late in life (my life didn’t come together properly until I was 38 due to horrendous abuse) but if you were in my position and could throw everything at it for a year would you?

By all means give up work if you have a rich husband. I would be wary of being over-reliant on a man.

Do not make "getting pregnant " your "job" its not a job and you are liable to end up so disappointed. I suggest getting counselling to deal with your disappointment. I'm sorry it sounds tough.

I'd go for it.

I'm quitting to retrain, and I also intend to exercise and improve the house in advance of our selling it. I also do matched betting, and a bit of Etsy selling, which gives a nice top up income. I am TTC too, and I need to lose some weight to improve my chances.

I've been there and burned out from a senior role - not everyone understands how demanding it can be.

If you're at a stage in your life where you need more time than money, I'd go for it.

If you can, do it, mental health and well-being are vital. Why would you not if you can take a year to focus on yourself, attend therapy, and deal with past trauma?
I would echo the concerns of others and say focus on something other than the end goal of being a parent, as it may not happen.
Make the focus of the year you and get yourself into a good place.
Good luck, and I hope you have a positive and relaxing year.

Oh my god. Why are you even asking? How exciting, just do it!

As other posters have quite rightly pointed out though, To put all that pressure on yourself to conceive within that year would be counter productive. Use it for all the health and well being focus and activities you can possibly fit in! And then going back to work ( can I suggest part time? Recovery takes time, you have a lot to recover from ) You may find that it just happens.

Good luck!

Yes! Although another option is to quit and find a part time job with less responsibility as you may then be eligible for a reduced maternity package.

Babies are REALLY hard work. With your health issues you may find you no longer have the energy to work and look after your LO so you might need to take a few years out. Young children are expensive.

Absolutely do it. My husband and I have both taken time off before. It's great just to have a break and this will be good for you. As others have said, have a plan b too.

Have considered speaking to your GP and getting investigated as to why you always lose your babies. After 3 miscarriages, they do investigate and I believe that is key here.

I feel like fertility treatment isn't right given you do fall pregnant. A year out sounds great x

I’m thinking about taking a year off work and make getting pregnant my job for the year.

YABU
I think this is one of the worst things you can do.

You said yourself that it was only when you stopped trying so hard TTC that you actually managed to conceive.

I think when women try too hard and focus too much on trying to conceive it makes even harder - maybe it’s something to do with the stress of it all.

I personally would look for another job that is PT but also gives you exercise.

Stopping work all together isn’t necessarily better for your MH and I think it’s good to have that security of a job just in case.

Weight loss will also be much easier if you are on your feet keeping busy all day, than sat at home with tempting snacks.

Of course do whatever you think is best.
But I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to spend all day, every day thinking about TTC as this is going to mess with your MH even more.

What about maternity pay?

Would you be physically amd mentally fit to look after a job if you take your current job out of the equation? If so, I think it’s worth a shot.

You would really need to focus on your mental health though this year. Having a baby can shatter the mentally strongest people. Also if your medication makes you sleep for 12 hours a day, is your husband going to be able to do all of the night wakings, early mornings etc? Even if you are relying solely on his income?

If you are considerably overweight/obese you won’t get help with infertility. I believe you need to have had bmi of 30 or under for a minimum of 6 months.

There is a lot to take into consideration, and everything you are suffering with now will get worse by having a baby, but there is of course a wonderful reward too. It just takes a few years before it gets easier.

I’d do it. But remember that getting pregnant isn’t time based unfortunately and if you’re not distracted and happy / busy in life it can be all consuming and stress you out more.

please don’t put yourself in a situation where you are checking for symptoms every day and it becomes all encompassing You need hobbies and structure to your day. Good luck

So sorry to hear of all you’ve been through OP . I absolutely would take the time out if I were you. I had a struggle to have kids myself and always said I’d use all my money and sell my house and live in a shed to fund repeated fertility treatment if need be. Some things are more important. Hope it works out for you x

I think this poster has some good points. By all means quit, but then could you do some part time or volunteer work so you have another focus too. I think they are right too if focus is on TTC rather than your physical and mental health

Regardless of wanting to get pregnant I'd be rethinking your job for health and lifestyle reasons anyway. I think how you frame your 'year off' will be important. A physically and mentally healthier you will be better, regardless of whether you get pregnant at the end or not.

I've been through ivf myself. It can be rough. Wishing you good luck!

Do it. You live once, better to do something and say you have done what you wanted rather than live and regret not doing it.
It sounds like you have a clear idea of how you would use the time so go for it.

Do it & good luck!

I would quite the job anyway because it sounds exhausting and you can afford to. But like others, I don't think it's healthy to make conception your sole focus and that it could be counterproductive in terms of causing stress, both for your and your DH. I would use the time to build healthy habits and also do things that could help set you on a different career path / find a better job once you are ready. And then the fertility treatment would be another part of what you are doing, as opposed to your sole focus.

It sounds like you NEED this time off, I would def take it in your position, but Im not sure it's healthy to focus entirely on getting pregnant maybe start a new hobby, do some casual volunteering or just anything really that could make it an enjoyable year in itself and balance the possibility that you may not get pregnant during it. Good luck.

Another one joining to say I would do in your position too. Either a. You get pregnant and that would be great or b. You don’t get pregnant but will be fitter, stronger, more resilient, have had time to come up with a plan b, and chance to put yourself first. Good luck with it all.

If your DH is on board, I would absolutely do it. I’d try to frame it as a year to look after yourself, with possible conception being a part of that.

If the whole year is dedicated to trying to get pregnant, you might cause yourself a lot of stress and upset.

But a weekly diary of exercise, healthy cooking, gym, yoga, therapy, gardening, allotment etc etc will do you the world of good.

You’re in a fortunate position to be able to try it, so I absolutely would.

It is a lot of pressure and I wouldn’t put having a baby as the goal of it but taking some time out to improve your overall health and fitness, mentality and preparing yourself for life with or without children is a good thing. If it doesn’t work out then at least you can say you really made every effort and your partner supported you - that’s worth a huge amount. If it does work out then that’s great!

Personally I would worry about focusing entirely on trying to get pregnant. Could you do an “easy” part time job just to split your focus?

I tried for a baby for years and aged 31 gave up work and went travelling with my then fiancé. We went to Thailand and Vietnam where funnily enough I hugged a phallic statue. Came home and moved city. Got a job which was really stressful and resigned deciding to train as a midwife. That weekend I discovered I was pregnant. That is the one and only time I've ever been pregnant and I can't explain it. Maybe it was the statue or maybe it was the lifestyle change.

It’s just important to realise it won’t be a year though, you aren’t suddenly going to go back to work while pregnant or soon after giving birth. So realistically you would be looking at a 3-5 year career break.
I’m not saying it’s not worth it, but you shouldn’t make the decision on it being a year.

Good luck!

But I agree with people it’s probably better to go part time, or find a job with a shorter commute or take a new part time job even if it’s low paid. Giving yourself the ‘job’ to get pregnant is going to be a lot of stress and pressure.
TTC is pretty all consuming anyway and if you don’t have much else going on in your day to day and your partner is at work all day I would worry it wouldn’t actually be great for your mental health.
Creating less stress in your life and opening up more opportunities for health and wellness absolutely though.