to quit work for a year for this plan?

[LampLamp]

I have been trying to have a baby for an number of years and faced a lot of miscarriages.

Due to a lack of self worth and mental health issues, I didn’t pursue having this investigated and dealt with when I was younger.

I then stopped trying to get pregnant for a few years and happily found myself, aged 39 and pregnant in September, which sadly ended with a miscarriage in October.
I haven’t been able to get over/cope with this at all. I spend most of my waking hours fighting off tears. My drive to and from work is me in hysterical tears, every day.

I’m now 40 and desperate to have a baby. It is all I can think about.

I’m fat.
Older
Have mental health issues which are cropping back up due to grief.
I also find myself in a very stressful new job, which due to a existing medical conditions (don’t impact fertility etc) which cause fatigue means I leave the house at 7am, work all day and get home at 7pm, eat and go directly to bed/sleep.

I’m thinking about taking a year off work and make getting pregnant my job for the year.

I’m in the very fortunate position where my DH is well paid and can afford to support us both.

This would include:
Drastically losing weight
Upping fitness
Attending therapy to deal with mental health
Eventually even fertility treatment

I know I’ve left it late in life (my life didn’t come together properly until I was 38 due to horrendous abuse) but if you were in my position and could throw everything at it for a year would you?

Oh my god do it! And please keep us updated with your progress!

OP I think if this is what you want and you're sure it's for you then go for it, but... Please temper the expectations and use it as a 'nice to have' because you don't truly know the outcome of this. Your weight loss is going to take a long time, but won't really be achievable if you're pregnant so is either well over a year away, or your pregnancy is over a year away (depending which way around you're aiming for).

My concern is that you're hanging your self worth on having a child which isn't healthy at all, and will ultimately not be healthy for your relationships or your potential child. Having a kid is hard work and you'll need to be mentally, and to an extent, physically capable of doing it. I'm not saying don't go for it as if it's definitely right for you then do it, I just have doubts that your reasons are because you want to raise a child rather than due to the self worth point above.

Absolutely. Resign tomorrow and drive straight to a fertility clinic. I was in a very similar position, well paid and stressful job with long hours. I would cry in the car on the way to the station and on the way home. After one failed round of IVF I jacked in the job, lived a healthier and stress free life while I tried IVF twice more. Sadly, they were both unsuccessful and I clearly remember leaving the fertility clinic and thinking, “okay, no babies but we can go anywhere in the world and do anything we want”. I honestly believe it was this acceptance and peace within myself that led to my natural pregnancy 3 months later. I had DS at 37 and DD at 40.

You need to try all avenues open to you, but you also need to be kind to yourself and have a Plan B. I wish you the very best of luck.

Perhaps combine it with something not too stressful but fulfilling, eg. Learning a new skill /subject or volunteering? So treat it as a sabbatical /change of direction rather than a babymaking year. Then if you get pregnant it's just an added bonus

I’d like to thank you all for your opinions - both sides and in between.

I’m going to do it but I’m framing, it in my mind, as a health and wellness year. Time to take some control of my movement and what goes in my mouth and not to mention my mental health.

If having a baby is the result then I can’t tell you how thrilled I will be. If that doesn’t happen, of course it will be a huge blow but I will ensure I do something along the way to make sure I have coping strategies and something to help me and DH through.

I have today looked into options for courses I can do which would allow me to return to work better educated and in a position to move sideways into a slightly different industry which allows for reduced (compared to my current) hours.

Im so glad you have decided to go ahead with your plan op and to see you are under going investigations for your miscarriages. I know how hard baby loss and infertility can be from personal experience. I wish you all the best and every happiness.

@GoingtotheWinchester ah! Thank you

Losing weight is the biggest hurdle. It takes courage, discipline, and will give you the best chance of conceiving and a healthy pregnancy. I’m saying that as an overweight older mother who has had a successful pregnancy after a lot of hardship. You need to be fit and healthy when they get older.