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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

borrowing and lending money

73 replies

Flute56 · 11/01/2023 02:52

I was in a bad situation recently. I found myself with no money an no way of getting any money because my bank card wa faulty. I was with a frien and when I mentioned the situation I expected her to say would you like e to lend you some money until you can get to the bank

She did not offer which really shocke me because iff the boot was on the other food I would not hesitate and woul say I can offer you a tenner if you like. She knew my situation and that I neeed money to travel to the bank. All she did was take me home in her car because I had no money to pay for transport.

I had to beg the train company to let me travel the following day for nothing by telling the my story and then went to the bank to sort myself out. I hae no branch o my bank in my area as they have closed

When I was in the bank sorting myself out and telling them I had no money a complete stranger walked up to me and gave me 20 quid. He overheard what I said an before I could say no I am ok he had run out of the door so I just took the money he left on the table next to me.

Maybe my friend wa short of money so coul not lendd me any but she did not even mention anything. We have been friends for over 10 year and as soon as I got soe money the next day I would have immediately paid her back

OP posts:
Homedeco · 11/01/2023 02:59

Have you borrowed from her before?

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/01/2023 03:05

He had money to give, maybe she didn't.

Also many people have a really absolute rule that they don't lend money. It leads to the breakdown of a lot of relationships.

Jessie878 · 11/01/2023 03:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PartySock · 11/01/2023 03:12

this is a bit of a weird story.
If you were good enough friends you could have asked directly for the loan of a tenner until x date.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 11/01/2023 03:13

YABU to expect her to offer you money, or to offer to take you to the bank. Cost of living is hitting a lot of people really hard, it's perfectly plausible she couldn't afford to lend you any money, nor waste the petrol to ferry you about. If you had actually ASKED her if she could possibly lend you £10 and you'd pay her back ASAP, or give you a lift to the bank, she may have done so, or may have explained she couldn't afford to.

Personally i hate when people heavily hint they want you to offer to pay for something for them/lend them money, but don't actually just ASK! It's so rude, like you're making it obvious you expect it from them, maybe you offended her with your obvious hinting and she was deliberately waiting for you to actually say the words "Can i borrow some money from you/can you give me a lift please?".

ACynicalDad · 11/01/2023 03:16

I would only lend what I can afford not to get back. I’d have no problem landing most people in my line £10 but were you clear that’s all you wanted?

Summerlark · 11/01/2023 04:20

Unless you think she was absolutely skint, I would have nothing to do with her ever again. She left a friend of 10 years in a dreadful situation. For future reference, keep a small cash stash for emergencies well concealed at home and never tell anyone about it.

Original poster
Flute56 · 11/01/2023 04:27

This has been a valuable lesson. Someone said to me always leave spme spare money at home for emergencies

OP posts:
CockSpadget · 11/01/2023 04:30

You’re mentioning how good of a friend they are, and how long you’ve been friends, so why not try actually asking, instead of “expecting”. There’s an old saying “if you don’t ask, you don’t get”. You didn’t, and you didn’t.

UnicornRidge · 11/01/2023 04:36

AlmostAJillSandwich · 11/01/2023 03:13

YABU to expect her to offer you money, or to offer to take you to the bank. Cost of living is hitting a lot of people really hard, it's perfectly plausible she couldn't afford to lend you any money, nor waste the petrol to ferry you about. If you had actually ASKED her if she could possibly lend you £10 and you'd pay her back ASAP, or give you a lift to the bank, she may have done so, or may have explained she couldn't afford to.

Personally i hate when people heavily hint they want you to offer to pay for something for them/lend them money, but don't actually just ASK! It's so rude, like you're making it obvious you expect it from them, maybe you offended her with your obvious hinting and she was deliberately waiting for you to actually say the words "Can i borrow some money from you/can you give me a lift please?".

I am with you on this. Hate it when people hint heavily but not ask. I would not lend money to any friends because it can lead to relationship breakdown.
I would give my friend a lift but not lend her the £10. You could have asked your friend for a lift instead of hinting it.

Can2022getanyworse · 11/01/2023 04:41

Flute56 · 11/01/2023 04:27

This has been a valuable lesson. Someone said to me always leave spme spare money at home for emergencies

Great advice.... Which you didn't follow. You didn't have any spare emergency money and had to beg to travel on public transport. Nobody owes you a loan, we haven't got the full story of why you're so skint (bank cards take a few days to be issued via phone, why were things so dire you had to go to a branch in a different town?)

SummerSazz · 11/01/2023 06:20

I'd not lend on a hint either but would if asked straight up, especially in one off circs.

I'd get Apple or Google pay set up on your phone so it doesn't happen again. My DC use Apple Pay and never take cards out in case they lose them etc

BarbaraofSeville · 11/01/2023 07:09

Agree that you should have asked her to help you, but by offering to transfer the money and she takes it out of her account to give to you, so you're not actually borrowing money from her.

Not everyone picks up on vague hints, and some people also have a cast iron 'never lend money rule' usually because someone has taken the piss in the past, often repeatedly.

But there's some simple steps you could take to never find yourself in such a position again. Never rely on one card/account, as you have found, you are stuck if you lose the card, or there is a problem with that bank. I find it astonishing that so many people do this and then are completely stuck if their card is lost/stolen/damaged.

Open a second account with another bank and keep money in both, or at least set up the apps on your phone so you can transfer money between the accounts easily.

You could also get a credit card for emergencies, or even to use for some of your normal spending (pay off in full every month) and that can be used to pay for things if there is a problem with your main card.

Jimboscott0115 · 11/01/2023 07:25

So you have internet access and have a bank account with money in it, but no bank card?

So you could have transferred her the tenner and she withdraw it for you. You had no need to borrow anything.

daybroke · 11/01/2023 07:33

You could've transferred her the money - or used apple or google pay on your phone.

I don't lend money to anyone. It just makes friendships awkward.

Alexandernevermind · 11/01/2023 07:34

I was in a silly situation once where I forgot to take my purse on a day out. I transferred my friend what I needed for the day and she took it out at the cash point. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking her for money.

daybroke · 11/01/2023 07:37

Well. I "lend" money to my children but I never expect to see it again.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 11/01/2023 07:38

Some people don't like to lend money for various reasons, I'm the same I've had to many people "borrow" money and not repay me. Doesn't mean your friend is a rubbish friend, that's really not fair on them.

Aprilx · 11/01/2023 07:42

She took you home, that was nice of her. To be honest in 2022 it would not really occur to me that somebody would be in such a quandary of requiring physical cash. Maybe it did not occur to her that your problem would be ongoing the following day. It is quite a weird story.

Raindancer411 · 11/01/2023 07:45

Flute56 · 11/01/2023 04:27

This has been a valuable lesson. Someone said to me always leave spme spare money at home for emergencies

My dad always taught me that growing up and I have £40 in my wallet for emergencies

Believ · 11/01/2023 07:45

"All they done was drop me off home".....wow terrible friend making sure you got delivered home to your door! You don't know people's circumstances, it's January and it's notoriously a shit month for a lot of people. She might not have had a penny in her bank.

KnickerlessParsons · 11/01/2023 07:55

Have you heard of the old saying "neither a borrower nor a lender be"?
It's from Hamlet I think, and it's very good advice.

squigglesquirrel · 11/01/2023 07:55

Well, you were hinting and you sound disorganised and bad with money. I wouldn’t have lent it to you either.

MelchiorsMistress · 11/01/2023 07:58

Your friend took you home so she did help. Not offering you money doesn’t make her a bad friend.

Polarbearyfairy · 11/01/2023 08:05

I wouldn't have given you cash either, I'd have helped you like your friend did with logistics, practical things. If you said it made you short on food I'd have given you something out of my cupboards. I would have offered to take you to the bank the following day if I had time.

To be honest I think practical help would make me a better friend than bunging you cash and sending you on your way.

Did you think about transferring her some money to her account and then have her withdraw it for you? You should have been able to do that by phone/internet.

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