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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

borrowing and lending money

73 replies

Flute56 · 11/01/2023 02:52

I was in a bad situation recently. I found myself with no money an no way of getting any money because my bank card wa faulty. I was with a frien and when I mentioned the situation I expected her to say would you like e to lend you some money until you can get to the bank

She did not offer which really shocke me because iff the boot was on the other food I would not hesitate and woul say I can offer you a tenner if you like. She knew my situation and that I neeed money to travel to the bank. All she did was take me home in her car because I had no money to pay for transport.

I had to beg the train company to let me travel the following day for nothing by telling the my story and then went to the bank to sort myself out. I hae no branch o my bank in my area as they have closed

When I was in the bank sorting myself out and telling them I had no money a complete stranger walked up to me and gave me 20 quid. He overheard what I said an before I could say no I am ok he had run out of the door so I just took the money he left on the table next to me.

Maybe my friend wa short of money so coul not lendd me any but she did not even mention anything. We have been friends for over 10 year and as soon as I got soe money the next day I would have immediately paid her back

OP posts:
Homedeco · 11/01/2023 08:06

Also I feel like you’re worried about the wrong things in life. Stop dwelling on your friend and think about how to sort yourself out so you’re not in this ridiculous situation again.

Most people have another bank account or a credit card that they can use if their main bank account card is “faulty”. It takes seconds to transfer money between bank accounts. I had to replace my bank card recently due to fraud and the new card details appeared in my mobile banking app instantly and I was able to add my card to Apple Pay before it even arrived in the post. It’s 2023 - it’s bizarre that you even ended up in the situation you were in.

presumably if your bank has no physical branches nearby, it’s worth joining a different bank that is nearby?

how are you going to prevent this happening again?

Homedeco · 11/01/2023 08:10

Also you said your friend gave you a lift home and you had zero funds. Where were you before she dropped you home? How did you afford to get there?

Wakeywake · 11/01/2023 08:10

Maybe she simply didn't have any cash on her either and didn't think to go out of her way to go and get some? I'd assume if you were that desperate you'd ask.

UncleQuentinsWife · 11/01/2023 10:26

Honestly, it wouldn't cross my mind that you wouldn't have been able to manage the situation once she had got you safely home. I'd have just thought that people would have enough cash to get the bus,or whatever to the bank. Back of sofas, bottom of bags etc.

You wouldn't have needed a tenner to get to the bank anyway.

SummerSazz · 11/01/2023 11:46

On our buses you can't use cash. Apple/Google pay used by majority of schoolkids and adults using the bus rather than card

Original poster
Flute56 · 11/01/2023 23:18

Can2022getanyworse · 11/01/2023 04:41

Great advice.... Which you didn't follow. You didn't have any spare emergency money and had to beg to travel on public transport. Nobody owes you a loan, we haven't got the full story of why you're so skint (bank cards take a few days to be issued via phone, why were things so dire you had to go to a branch in a different town?)

Show quote history

The reason why I was so sking was because I do not usually carry cash with me. I pay for everything by debit card so when my debit card did not work then I was in trouble.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 11/01/2023 23:24

Homedeco · 11/01/2023 08:10

Also you said your friend gave you a lift home and you had zero funds. Where were you before she dropped you home? How did you afford to get there?

I got a cab from my regular cab office and I usualy pay the driver with a debit card. When the driver dropped me off I attempted to pay with my card wich did not work. Because the driver knows he said ok drop the money off tomorrow which I did

OP posts:
Testina · 11/01/2023 23:25

I would expect a friend of 10 years to just say if she needed to borrow money temporarily.

Why didn’t you transfer money to her?
Why don’t you already have Apple / Google Pay?
Does your bank not do an emergency cash withdrawal code without card from ATMs? (I know NatWest do, though you may need a specific ATM)

Original poster
Flute56 · 11/01/2023 23:30

Wakeywake · 11/01/2023 08:10

Maybe she simply didn't have any cash on her either and didn't think to go out of her way to go and get some? I'd assume if you were that desperate you'd ask.

i should not have to ask anyone to lend me money. It should be automatic. If I was with someone who was in my situation then i would have said do you want me to lend you some money. I would not wait for her to ask. Asking someone for money put the on the spot and makes them feel awkward and they feel oblige to lend money simply because you have asked. I would not do that to anyone. If they do not automatically offer then it means they have no intention of offering and I woul not embarrass them by asking

OP posts:
Scienceadvisory · 11/01/2023 23:39

Flute56 · 11/01/2023 23:30

i should not have to ask anyone to lend me money. It should be automatic. If I was with someone who was in my situation then i would have said do you want me to lend you some money. I would not wait for her to ask. Asking someone for money put the on the spot and makes them feel awkward and they feel oblige to lend money simply because you have asked. I would not do that to anyone. If they do not automatically offer then it means they have no intention of offering and I woul not embarrass them by asking

Show quote history

Now you are just taking the piss. If you want to borrow money then of course you should bloody ask.

I don't get why the man in the bank gave you money. You went there because your card was faulty. Surely you were there to take cash out over the counter otherwise why be there? You can order new cards online or over the phone.

You need to open an account with a second bank, not tied to the first, so you have a back up in case this happens again. Ideally also get a credit card and something like apple pay. Then you should be covered.

Homedeco · 11/01/2023 23:44

Maybe she doesn’t think you’re trustworthy enough to lend money to, hence not offering

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/01/2023 23:51

Flute56 · 11/01/2023 23:30

i should not have to ask anyone to lend me money. It should be automatic. If I was with someone who was in my situation then i would have said do you want me to lend you some money. I would not wait for her to ask. Asking someone for money put the on the spot and makes them feel awkward and they feel oblige to lend money simply because you have asked. I would not do that to anyone. If they do not automatically offer then it means they have no intention of offering and I woul not embarrass them by asking

Show quote history

I would never offer money. Too many people would be offended or insulted by that. Especially friends - most people I know would ask family if they needed it.

You're also assuming that, despite the fact you don't carry cash, your friend had cash to offer you.

SuperHandss · 12/01/2023 00:00

YABU to expect it. You don’t know her circumstance.

Womencanlift · 12/01/2023 00:00

Wow you come across as very entitled. You have no idea about her current financial situation. Aside from that nobody should assume that someone will give them money that is just rude

Original poster
Flute56 · 12/01/2023 00:00

Flute56 · 11/01/2023 23:30

i should not have to ask anyone to lend me money. It should be automatic. If I was with someone who was in my situation then i would have said do you want me to lend you some money. I would not wait for her to ask. Asking someone for money put the on the spot and makes them feel awkward and they feel oblige to lend money simply because you have asked. I would not do that to anyone. If they do not automatically offer then it means they have no intention of offering and I woul not embarrass them by asking

Show quote history

yes you can order a new card over the phone but that is no use if you want cash fro the bank as well. This i why I went into the bank.

OP posts:
sleephelp2022 · 12/01/2023 00:06

Weird.

Some people literally don't have a tenner to lend OP...

Testina · 12/01/2023 00:09

Why would she have thought you needed to borrow money though?

You got a cab to wherever you met her.
Your card failed.
The driver knows you and said pop in tomorrow.
She drove you home because you didn’t have money for a can. (bitch!)
She knew you’d sort it at the bank tomorrow.

The only thing she didn’t know was that you had no cash or alternative card at home to travel back to town. Why would she know this?!

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 12/01/2023 00:57

It's been a long time fortunately, but I know how hard it is to ask to borrow money off others, OP. The only two people I've ever asked were my DGM many years ago, and my BFF. These were significant sums though. I wouldn't be too fussed about asking a friend for a lift the next day if I needed it.

There are a couple of people in my life, who if made a comment like you did, I would definitely off to lend to, or at least offer a lift. I'd give my BFF my entire savings if she needed it. There are many I would only offer a lift to though. I've been bit too many times by lending money in the past, and as such, I'm not as willing.

Mumma · 12/01/2023 01:01

Is this a weird joke!? What the actual...

DFWM · 12/01/2023 01:12

I have lost a lot of money after borrowing to friends and family. I swore to never give anyone money again unless I can afford to lose it.

And due too the fact I have been taken advantage of, I will never offer. If they need money, they should ask. And if I can't afford to lose it, it's a no. Which is going to happen a lot in the nearby future...

What I don't understand is why you couldn't have transferred money into your friends account and ask her to withdraw it for you?

PartySock · 12/01/2023 01:17

Flute56 · 11/01/2023 23:30

i should not have to ask anyone to lend me money. It should be automatic. If I was with someone who was in my situation then i would have said do you want me to lend you some money. I would not wait for her to ask. Asking someone for money put the on the spot and makes them feel awkward and they feel oblige to lend money simply because you have asked. I would not do that to anyone. If they do not automatically offer then it means they have no intention of offering and I woul not embarrass them by asking

Show quote history

Some people get offended/uncomfortable if you offer to lend money, though so you can't bloody win.
After having my head bitten off by a friend for similar, I'd never offer, they can bloody ask.

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 12/01/2023 01:57

@PartySock I hope you bit back.

It must be pride. Whilst I would struggle to ask to borrow money, I would never be rude if a friend offered it. If a friend suggested they were struggling, I offered and they had a go, I'd tell them to go get fucked.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/01/2023 07:25

I pay for everything by debit card so when my debit card did not work then I was in trouble

Never rely on a single point of failure
Fail to plan, plan to fail
Never put all your eggs in one basket

Pick whichever version you like, there's a simple solution to this issue and maybe it didn't occur to her that you didn't already have it covered.

Gazelda · 12/01/2023 07:55

If I were your friend, I'd have assumed you'd have some cash at home to tide you over.
I'd have assumed you'd phone the bank to sort your card. It wouldn't have occurred to me that you needed to physically go to the bank.
I'd have assumed you had Apple Pay or similar.
I'd have assumed if you literally didn't have a £ in your purse and needed cash to but food or put money in the elec meter etc then you'd have asked if you could transfer money to me so I could give you the cash.

That's a lot of assumptions, granted. But if we were close friends then surely you'd just ask me?

You've found yourself in a situation that could have easily been prevented. Take responsibility for that instead of taking your ire out on your friend.

Againstmachine · 12/01/2023 07:59

i should not have to ask anyone to lend me money. It should be automatic. If I was with someone who was in my situation then i would have said do you want me to lend you some money. I would not wait for her to ask.

If you shouldn't have to ask how is she expected to know, she might have thought you had money at home.

If you wanted some ASK instead of making vague hints, you cannot complain if you didn't ask.

She's a good friend she gave you a lift home and doesn't deserve you slating her.