I am so sorry you're feeling let down. I think so many people's mental health has been battled with due to the effects of covid isolation, combined with the fact that pretty much everything is now online - messages and texts more than in person. So very difficult for my friend who cannot do screens for long and has lost so many elderly friends due to covid, it's hard to make more friends, people wander about with eyes glued to screens and simply don't speak.
I can't begin to tell you how difficult and wearing it is to be a friend of a demanding mentally unwell person, particularly if they are not being in a reasonable frame of mind (and woe betide me if I forget to silence my phone overnight as the texts start at 4am), but I'll try, hopefully you can appreciate from my point of view. I do want to help but at times it can be very very hard.
What I'd really like you to do is just stop and think before you text or ring me. Ask yourself: Is this a real problem that will cause you harm, and can the friend I'm ringing do anything to help - or would I be better off ringing a helpline? Is there anything I can do to affect the outcome? Do I actually need to involve friend?
Is it a problem I have no control over and therefore need help?
Or is it something I can control myself? Heaps of self help articles online eg one I found here to give you some ideas..
tinybuddha.com/blog/50-things-you-can-control-right-now/
Below I've put a few things that I'd really like to tell my friend to make my life easier (so I hope this is of help to you). I know I need to set firmer boundaries but we've been friends for well over 40 years.
I'd REALLY appreciate you checking the reality of the situation (as above) for a few minutes before automatically ringing or texting me (especially if I've left my phone on overnight, which was awkward when I needed it left on overnight for another reason). I know it's the illness that makes you react first rather than think first, but is there any way you can work on this?
If you realise you've been a burden, then please let your friends know and apologise, and above all thank them for being there in your hour of need because it means a lot to you - and means a lot to me to know you are thinking of me too, and we'll know you are trying your best in the most difficult of circumstances - again it's the illness making you react like this we know! If you can, please be there for your friends too. Ask how they are, and take the time to remember it's not all about you (it frustrates me immensely to be demanded of when I have an extremely intense problematic day, but some days I cannot raise an objection to being contacted or give a reason it's problematic to speak right now because I am told I clearly don't care and have no time for my friend....this is illness speaking I know.....unfortunately a crisis (to her) strikes and she doesn't seem to remember that I have a life a job and demands on my time - she is unable to work and finds the stress of attending more than one medical appointment a week a major task, so you see the problem!) Again if you can step back and think before you ring or text, or at least accept that I too have demands elsewhere you're not the only person that needs me. then that would just make things a tad easier!
I really, really like it when a phone call is not all about you. I feel cheery and not drained. Please tell me your good news no matter how small.
Also please don't be afraid to ask for medical help - my friend is aging and I don't think menopause has helped she is FAR worse, and has never been as anxious as she is now. However just because her same medication has worked for over 30 years doesn't mean there isn't something more appropriate or better for her now, but she will not ask the GP for an opinion or advice. I have said it's worth asking and enquiring and she can make a decision to try a change or not then. And we know current medication works after a fashion, but if we could put a stop to the anxiety then life would be SO much better for her. I have cut out articles that show the modern 4th generation drugs treat the problem without the side effects of anxiety that happen with 1st generation drugs she is on, but she will not even speak to the GP about her medication (I think a fear of being sectioned again)
I hope some of my late night waffle helps understand from my point of view as a supporter of many years, and that you get back to a more even keel with your mental health soon and can then start rebuilding your friendships and gaining new ones. You clearly care by posting on here for advice, which is important.