How do you cope in a senior role with constant toddler illness?!

[Speedmacarons]

My small DC are constantly ill. They have a pretty good diet, lots of time outdoors, been at nursery a good while, wash their hands etc. No help.

Me and DH have jobs you can’t easily take time off from. We have a nanny too and mix nursery and nanny, problem is the nanny gets the bugs and is then off too! So we pay through the nose, sometimes twice, for a very bad job between me and DH whilst trying to do some half attempt at the urgent work. Then we have to work at night. Then knackered, and probably have the bug ourselves too!! Not much family help unfortunately.

None of my colleagues seem to have these problems to the same extent. I feel like I’m coming across as being disorganised and flaky as it’s affecting my work.

How do people in the same position cope?!

This year has been the worst ever, DS is never I'll (he's 9) yet has brought home bug after bug. I would suggest trying to survive this year and see how much easier it gets next year. Not the answer you want but I'm blaming the well it's not COVID so in sending them in brigade

The problem with ditching nursery is you are storing up the sickness for when they start school. I’ve got twins they only went to a short hours pre school nursery and it was 2020/21 so less bugs circulating. Otherwise had a nanny.
Reception year was awful, summer term I had at least one kid off for 20 days of the term, some days both of them. I was not coping at all by the summer holidays. Y1 autumn term has been a bit better. All the kids who went to all day nursery have barely been off.

Horrendous year illness wise! Mine are 6 and 3 and it's been our worst stretch by a long way. We had vomiting bugs, chicken pox, covid followed by ear infections, I had the flu, chest infections, all in the two months before Christmas. It has been relentless.

I have a very understanding boss and a decent employer. I make it work and they give me flexibility to allow me to do that. I'm honest with clients, most of them are fine with a bit of diary juggling. DH picks up 50% of the days off/at home.

Can you speak to your employer about adding some flex into your role? DH and I both did 4 days for quite a while which helped a lot.

Have used sitters.com before for emergency cover (I've worked from home so been around) but that doesn't work if DC are poorly, only when childcare falls through.

Just to reassure you that there is probably light at the end of the tunnel. My DS had everything in his first year of nursery. Hand, foot and mouth three times, three stomach bugs, tonsillitis, always some sort of respiratory thing. He seemed to develop a temperature every second time he was at nursery and needed picking up. My employer was understanding but I had to do a lot of catching up on evenings and weekends and ended up very run down and getting ill myself a lot. It was so stressful.

In the last 8 months he hasn't missed a single day of nursery. He's had colds but they have been a lot milder.

I don't think it's anything much to do with multivitamins etc. They are just very susceptible to picking stuff up from other toddlers before their immunity builds up.

I still have a job anyway at least until DS2 goes through the same!

Thanks so much for all the supportive messages! Just finished working, ha!

My company is a large corporate with good family policies, boss is great about it and understanding, I think I’m very fortunate in many respects. It’s probably more my own guilt and stress at the piling workload and being permanently burnt out that is fuelling my moaning. I haven’t had any reprisals, but it seems to happen so much I’m embarrassed to even mention what todays particular child ailment is/why I can’t come to the meeting/make the deadline. I’m quite new to a promotion so not in a position to step back right now. Not that it would necessarily help either! Would still need to attempt to actually work…

thanks for all the solidarity, although it’s bad that this is such a big problem. Sigh.

I’m in a quite senior role as is my husband. Family friendly companies, and we had a full time nanny for our 1 yo. Over last winter 2022 I was lucky to work a full week ( as others have said nanny got sick, DD wanted me, was sick in the night, I was sick etc). There were slightly more illnesses when she went to childcare but less severe so less time off really.

My tips for work are

• Own it - don’t minimise it it will make you look more junior
• Do try however not to tell people - where possible hide that you are taking time off for sickness as it does get excessive
• Try and get a day nap even 30 mins makes huge difference. I’ve had 15 min naps that have changed my life lol
• only go to really necessary meetings - say you are working on other urgent stuff etc or have conflicts if you can
• don’t feel guilty under any circumstances
• I made a vow that when other women in my workplace have sick kids I will do everything possible to support them

A woman who works for me ( is younger and more junior) is constantly asking for time off and apologising for her daughter being sick and tells everyone though half the time no one would notice. I feel like telling her her behaviour is making her look even more junior. Just own it.

Really well done it’s a shit show out there

I'm at a large corporate and we get free emergency nanny service if the kids can't go into nursery. We can book through Bubble and they come over and babysit whilst we WFH.

I think you may have created a double edged sword for yourself - all the bugs from nursery but the lower reliability of a nanny!

You have a nanny problem love. How do nursery teachers work? They are with multiple kids every single day and occasionally catch things but still troop through unless it's D&V bugs but it's the same teachers everyday. You are fortunate enough to afford nursery and a nanny so perhaps it's time to find a more reliable nanny. Nanny's are meant to make your life easier.

Also please take loads of vitamins. The bugs they bring from nursery flood through the cracks your immune system leaves from being stressed and tired. In a whole year of nursery in 2022 I've only caught covid from dc and this winter virus thing that was circulating during Christmas and on both occasions it was when I was stressed and tired and forgot to take vitamins for a while because I was stressed and tired.

In my previous job, our manager took a lot of time off due to their child’s illness. The senior management was very supportive initially, and she frequently had 1-2 days off without having to put leave in etc. I don’t know the particular issues she was facing, or the difficulties she had in managing her circumstances.

The problem came in that a number of the other parents in the department with small children, started taking lots of time off to look after their kids, too. This was a down combination of the parent working in our organisation always took the time off when their child was ill, because they knew that there was less grief from their bosses than their partner would have received. And also because the manager in question had set a precedent, and the senior management felt they couldn’t reject the other requests as a result.

The amount of time off taken for looking after kids increased by something like 130%, if I remember correctly. Ultimately, the manager was herself ‘managed’ out of the department, and things returned back to nearly normal from an absence rate point of view. The whole point of my epic tale is that not everybody does manage it well, or without consequence.

@ItsFineImFine this is very good advice, really appreciate it

It seems my nanny might not be as robust as she should be reading these responses - she certainly takes more time off than me or DH put together to be honest. Obviously all around the same children.

I’ve always been very sympathetic as I always think how hard it is to look after kids when you feel awful yourself. And she’s generally brilliant. And we do pay sick pay. But maybe I’m being a little too charitable. I’m going to review the situation.

You just have to juggle and remember it won't always be like this, in a year or two your dc will have better immune systems and won't be off quite so much.

Not much help I'm afraid but it really is just a case of hanging in there. I used to do a lot of my admin at home after dc went to bed and work from home a fair bit.

It’s nursery that does it. Seriously, people say it’s good for them to catch the colds etc and they’ll have had them by school etc. I have a classic case study with my two kids. One in nursery one not. The one who never went to nursery still doesn’t seem to catch as many colds. Nurseries are germy places, go full time with your Nanny or consider a childminder.

Yep this. I managed to avoid most of it but sometimes got struck down and we just had duvet days all being sick together

PS I tried to own it with my boss and he just shamed me. Took me to a room and said we all know you’re a successful part time mum you don’t need to tell people. I told our Team Assistant I was feeling really exhausted with the bugs/ kids catching stuff and then getting ill myself. She was brilliant and kept the wolves at bay but could only do so much. Think boss realised (well he did cos he told me Sheila (not her name) does more for you than anyone one else)). Micro managing control freak! Thankfully I’m out of there. In the end I went self employed. DH and I couldn’t both do full on jobs and in my industry a lot of the women their husbands had more flexible jobs than ours or were even house husbands.

I say part time I was 4 days a week and often did calls on my 5th day.

Also I had a nanny who did take a lot of sick leave too. Often with no discernible symptoms ( she has a really bad cold and had to leave but I didn’t see a cough or sneeze once). Lots of headaches. In hindsight I should have had a stern word to her. Lowlight was when I had gastro and she left with mid morning with a headache. Find someone else or at least talk to her and say this cannot go on

Get a healthier nanny. She is letting you down too often and compromising your own job security.

Sorry for typos on the Trot

It gets easier. My toddlers were constantly ill and I had to juggle, they didn't sleep, my ex DH worked 6 days a week and was useless. I have a senior role and was the breadwinner but he refused to take leave when they were ill so I was constantly juggling. It was hard and I look back and not sure how I did it.

Now they are at school it is a lot easier, barely ill and if they are I can stick the TV on and work around them most of the time. I wouldn't give up on the nursery, it is where they build their immunity otherwise the situation will continue in school!

I send solidarity OP, it is hell but I promise it will get better.

Seriously it’s chicken and egg. I don’t think kids need to be exposed to all the viruses they get exposed to in nursery. You don’t catch them all over a lifetime. That’s why parents get ill too from the kids! There are millions of cold viruses out there.

nurseries are germ pits. Kids just don’t get as ill at school, I have the case study with my two. When eldest was in nursery we were all always ill. Youngest i did a childminder and the difference is breath-taking!

@Whatistheanswer2023 why do you think that is? Not being sarcastic, am genuinely interested

@Whatistheanswer2023 this is the OP by the way, I change my username a lot!

No OP once they’re at school you’ll have far more to worry about - lack of available/flexible wraparound care, school holidays, completing homework, prepping items needed for school. Everyone struggles with the issue you’re describing. Your ego and status in your big important job is going to have to step aside so you can prioritise your children.