How do you cope in a senior role with constant toddler illness?!

[Speedmacarons]

My small DC are constantly ill. They have a pretty good diet, lots of time outdoors, been at nursery a good while, wash their hands etc. No help.

Me and DH have jobs you can’t easily take time off from. We have a nanny too and mix nursery and nanny, problem is the nanny gets the bugs and is then off too! So we pay through the nose, sometimes twice, for a very bad job between me and DH whilst trying to do some half attempt at the urgent work. Then we have to work at night. Then knackered, and probably have the bug ourselves too!! Not much family help unfortunately.

None of my colleagues seem to have these problems to the same extent. I feel like I’m coming across as being disorganised and flaky as it’s affecting my work.

How do people in the same position cope?!

We're having exactly the same issue.

Been my two DC at least one has been off sick for 1-2 days each week since the end of September.

We've been trying to split it as equally as possible. Making sure we can each make all our client calls and then making up hours in the evenings and weekend.

But ultimately it wasn't sustainable, so I've temporarily dropped to 3 days a week, to make it easier to juggle. Hoping I'll be able to go back up to 4-5days a week once the winter is over.

Ditch nursery. That’s where it’s all coming from. It might be kicking the can down the round but do what you need to do to make it work now.

If I were going to start a thread tonight, it would be this one.

We are stuck in the worst of all worlds - paying a (great when here) nanny a terrifying amount of money, while I basically can't work because of the level of illness in our home.

Our nanny is older and experienced but combines chronic health issues with responsibilities at home. I can't hold down or even apply for professional roles if every third week is unpredictable.

Financially the best thing we could do is for me to just suck it up and stay at home for 18 months. I feel awful about it though as our nanny loves our children dearly, and as the child of a mum who was left to sink, completely unnerved.

My husband's work doesn't offer flexibility. I just don't know what to do for the best.

To be honest, I think it's easier when you're more senior. I am quite senior and I just apologise but take the time off when I need to. It's shit but it happens. Nobody covers for me and the work is still there waiting for me but my clients are generally understanding. I also want to make it easier for more junior members of time to balance work and family.

@JennyForeigner to me your DC here are not the issue. The nanny shouldn't be taking so much sick leave. Even if she feels under the weather she should understand that she needs to come to work. If she has something which is dangerous to catch or is genuinely bedbound that is another issue

Can understand why the two of you are falling sick as you are run down - but you are paying our so much in childcare and not benefiting

Ditch nursery. You are getting worst of both worlds.

Expensive nanny and bugs from nursery. !

I'd just go expensive nanny ! I had one so I'm not being flippant !

To those who are saying the nanny shouldn’t take so much time off, if they are otherwise very good and do come in when mildly ill, not sure what you can do about it?

I didn't. I ended up with lots of meetings with HR over it. After I had my second I quit to become self employed. If you don't have a stay at home partner or earn enough to pay a nanny or have local family who can step in its impossible

Oh I see even having a nanny doesn't actually help. It's a bloody nightmare that nobody prepares you for.

This is my life right now! And basically... I don't cope. My work goes undone and my child is parented by Cbeebies far more often than I'd like. I'm forever playing catch up. It has an awful effect on one's self esteem, no matter how understanding the boss.

Of fuck off @chopc - there's always one. Don't you think everyone on this thread will be doing that already?! Some kids just got more ill than others. My eldest has asthma and often ends up in hospital with a basic schoolyard cold.

This is my life right now. 2 under 5 and is 4th bug in last month. Always seems to happen on nursery days. And even when the nanny is here they want me. Husband not helpful really. Work understanding but it’s getting ridiculous and I’m so burnt out

So you have a nanny yet somehow this is harder for you than minions who aren’t ever so senior at work and who don’t have a nanny 🙄

YABU

We have a nanny also, when she is sick or when my daughter has a stomach bug we do a mix of grandparents care and splitting or work days around who has important meetings. The thing that has made all the difference for me is that my leadership team is genuinely family friendly (i've worked places before that have paid lip service to being family friendly but not in practice), I still feel a lot of guilt though.

Thanks @chopc. We appreciate some external perspective.

It's complicated because we have three including baby twins. We always knew this would involve us spending every penny to get them to three, but our nanny was already taking a lot of absence when she inherited a family caring responsibility. Her health is worsening under the stress.

We hate to kick someone when they are down, but we just don't have the money to pay for childcare if I can't work. We're going to have to call it I'm afraid.

@glitterbaby17 It's exhausting to feel overwhelmed and permanently afraid of what will happen next.

It's a slog. We had a good nursery who would take them and calpol them up when they were just a bit ill. And dont have the same issues with staff absence at nursery as childminder or nanny. So they would be out of the house most of the time.

But it was (and still is sometimes) a massive juggling act. We both look at what meetings we have and try and cover each other (or occasionally have a meeting with a sick kid on our knees if it's an informal internal meeting). Then both catch up at evenings and weekends or if the kids are so ill they are sleeping. It works better if one of us does mornings and the other afternoons when they are off for a few days at a time because colleagues know what to expect and the urgent work doesnt pile up.
We do this for a few days and both save a week holiday and use odd days as emergency leave when we need as its unsustainable to try and do everything especially when you're run down so sometimes we need to turn our phones off and have pyjama days. And we both work very hard and do extra hours when everyone is well so kind of feel like we deserve some understanding when kids are sick.

😞

I’m sorry you’re finding it so tough.

Do you still get lots of illness in the house even with a nanny?

I’ve been contemplating looking for a nanny instead of nursery but I don’t want to spend more money and still have the same problem.

Mine were ill a lot as toddlers. I took a career break because it became unsustainable .
And sorry to say it, but year R was horrendous for non stop bugs and illnesses.

There's no way two working parents can both give 100% at work whilst having young kids. All you can do is what all working parents with young kids do - the best you can. You need to get used to being "good enough" at work and by the time you've finally adjusted to your new normal, the kids get older and a bit more robust.

Every working parent who doesn't have a stay at home parent to help experiences this phase. And good employees who have young kids are still better than shit employees who don't.

How do you pay your nanny? Are you paying her when sick?

I pay my nanny by the hour and if she doesn't work then she doesn't get paid (though obviously SSP would kick in as applicable). I would love to be able to pay her regardless but I can't.

She has only had 1 sick day in 3 months for herself. But she does have children. We have an arrangement that she brings them with her, if she/they are happy with that and as long as it isn't D&V.

It doesn't sound like its your childrens sick days that are the problem but your nannys... and an unreliable nanny is not a lot of help if you don't have backup options.

My DH works away and can never be relied upon for childcare because of short notice jobs and I am also fairly senior (though as some have mentioned I do find that easier because I've 'served my time' and no longer have the same pressure to prove my worth). I totally get how hard it is.

Only tips I can give are reconsider your sick leave policy or reconsider your job. I work for an amazing, small consultancy. Most of us are parents, we all get it (meetings get cancelled with the only text being 'sick kid alert'), and we predominantly work from home which does help the juggle. Good companies with understanding people do exist. (And if you happen to be in a Project Management/Transformation role then PM me).

It's also worth considering that perhaps others aren't judging you as harshly as you're judging yourself. And even if they are, feck it. This too will pass, by which time most of them will have moved onto something else and you can get back to where you want to be.

Finally, remember this when it has passed for you and help the future yous navigate their way through.

If the nanny is ill but the children are well I think there are companies who can organise backup/emergency care. I used to have access to something like this through the company I worked for. If the children are ill there's not much you can do tbh although I would agree with a PP that it's probably mostly coming from nursery.

It’s a real nightmare. I have 2 in nursery including one who is disabled and more vulnerable to infections. It’s awful - in some ways it’s a bit easier as no one’s going be an arse about it when you have to call an ambulance for your kid (which luckily isn’t too regular) but in reality from a work perspective its hardest when either of them are too sick for nursery but not ill enough to be asleep the whole time.

We have a bloody brilliant nursery who are good with calpol and not too jumpy about sending them home. Their threshold is different for my vulnerable one but they’re still very sensible.

I’m basically relying a lot on my reputation at work, the fact I know I can still add value due to experience, and my really brilliant team and hoping it gets better soon. It’s not ideal at all and I get that feeling of competing with people with fewer responsibilities who can do far longer days.

Oh, and proper 50/50 parenting. It’s not all on me.

Manuka honey daily for all of you, including nanny. First defence nasal spray for nanny. Good luck!

We didn’t do nursery due to bugs and had a robust nanny who was happy to come even when DC had vom bugs (which was rare - as they weren’t in nursery). She was incredible - only ever had one sick day herself in 5 years when she had a migraine.