Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For getting mad that he wouldn't get up?

93 replies

session9 · 09/01/2023 16:26

My 'partner' and DD's dad doesn't live with us but sometimes stays over. He's only just started sleeping over as we were apart for some time.

Anyway, we slept on the sofa as it turns into a superking (my bed is tiny) he's out of work at the moment and always sleeps in the day as has trouble sleeping at night (probably because he sleeps during the day?)
Anyway we went to bed at a reasonable time, I gave him a sleeping tablet. The next day our daughter woke me about 8.30, I got up, did breakfast, exercised, got dressed, did 2 loads of washing, etc. I tried waking him about 5 times, even sent DD to try & jump on him but it didn't work. I was getting increasingly frustrated as we couldn't use the sitting room, I wanted to tidy up and go for a walk.

His mum rang me for a chat about something unrelated, I ended up venting, she said he's exactly the same at home (won't get up) anyway, I look over and guess who decides to rise from the dead to ear wig on my conversation. He ended up calling me a 'bastard cunt' & told me his mum didn't like me the other day. Granted I shouldn't have slated him but by the 5th hour of trying to shift him I was fully pissed off.

After the name calling I asked his mum to meet me to pick him up (he doesn't drive) he was so angry that I was making him leave.

Was I the one in the wrong? He said it was my fault because I gave him a sleeping tablet. I have insomnia and barely ever have a good nights sleep but I still have to get up and be a mum or go to work so I can't empathise.

OP posts:
Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 20:43

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 20:43

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 20:44

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 20:45

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 20:46

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 20:51

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

Merlott · 09/01/2023 20:52

Think you might need to look up what the word love means!

Still not sure why you couldn't tidy up the lounge with him on sofa?

Also get rid immediately and I hope he is paying child support?

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/01/2023 20:57

What has happened to you in life to make you believe this is all you deserve?

Do you not at least think that your children deserve better?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2023 20:57

I can’t believe you called him mum to collect him. Is he 5?! He sounds dreadful.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/01/2023 20:57

What has happened to you in life to make you believe this is all you deserve?

Do you not at least think that your children deserve better?

LetsPlayShadowlands · 09/01/2023 20:58

Sounds more like your teenage son than your partner. Luckily he doesn't live with you so you don't have to leave or kick him out. Just stop letting him sleep over.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/01/2023 20:58

What has happened to you in life to make you believe this is all you deserve?

Do you not at least think that your children deserve better?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2023 20:58

I can’t believe you called him mum to collect him. Is he 5?! He sounds dreadful.

LetsPlayShadowlands · 09/01/2023 20:59

Sounds more like your teenage son than your partner. Luckily he doesn't live with you so you don't have to leave or kick him out. Just stop letting him sleep over.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2023 20:59

I can’t believe you called him mum to collect him. Is he 5?! He sounds dreadful.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2023 21:00

I can’t believe you called him mum to collect him. Is he 5?! He sounds dreadful.

LetsPlayShadowlands · 09/01/2023 21:01

Sounds more like your teenage son than your partner. Luckily he doesn't live with you so you don't have to leave or kick him out. Just stop letting him sleep over. You're not tied down to him and you and DD deserve better.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2023 21:01

I can’t believe you called him mum to collect him. Is he 5?! He sounds dreadful.

LetsPlayShadowlands · 09/01/2023 21:02

Sounds more like your teenage son than your partner. Luckily he doesn't live with you so you don't have to leave or kick him out. Just stop letting him sleep over. You're not tied down to him and you and DD deserve better.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 21:16

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

Original poster
session9 · 09/01/2023 22:09

@Always4Brenner Would you mind messaging me privately so we can compare notes, I'm desperate for someone to talk to who can relate.

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 09/01/2023 23:18

He doesn't drive...
He doesn't work...
He calls you a bastard cunt

Oh, just bin him off Op. What does he bring to your life?? What a useless, entitled twat he is.

piedbeauty · 09/01/2023 23:21

And just block him and delete on everything. It really shouldn't be hard.

PinkButtercups · 09/01/2023 23:28

session9 · 09/01/2023 16:33

It's whenever I get angry or upset about anything he turns into this angry monster, I feel like I can't get angry.

He acts out and is verbally abusive, then will not leave me alone until I accept his apology. He sent 11 texts after I dropped him off. Saying he loves me and wants it to work, that I don't care, that he thinks I hate him. I'm at the stage where I won't reply as it's every single time he's horrible he tries to hoover me back in. I do love him but he has such a horrible nasty side, he won't communicate with me, can't take criticism, but can also be funny, loving, kind, caring.

It's so draining.

I had a peasant like this.

Would always say I don't care about him or his problems. Got a bit boring tbh in the end.

One time he had some problems going on and I suggested he booked the doctors appointment which he did. Then all I got is how I don't care because I don't ask him about it and reassured him I think it'll be fine.

I literally couldn't win and you never will with these type of men. They're pathetic is what they are. For your own sanity just leave. Trust me.

Escapingafter50years · 09/01/2023 23:40

Why do you think you could possibly be in the wrong? I could cry for you, this is so sad. This "man" is a father but behaves like a spoilt toddler. Why do you accept this? Were you (like me) brought up to believe you have to accept whatever treatment you are given?

I hope you are starting to realise from the replies here that it's not you, it's him. You will not change him. He is entirely responsible for his own behaviour, but he doesn't understand this. But whatever he does is not your fault.

What age are you? (obviously you don't have to answer here!) You would hopefully expect to live into your 80s. Please have a think about all those years, and imagine dealing with this excuse of a human being for all that time. Then also imagine the effect on your DD, who from an early stage is learning from her mother that that is how women get treated by the fathers of their children. If you keep this "man" with you, she will think that is normal. If you get rid of him, you can explain to her that no-one needs to stay with someone who abuses them. I wish I had been set up for life like that, but it's taken me far to long to understand this. Don't be like me, get whatever help you can to get this disgusting person out of your life, start with Women's Aid, progress to the police if needs be. Keep a record of all the abuse for times when you may feel yourself weakening.

This is important. This is your life. He will ruin it unless you change things.

Swipe left for the next trending thread