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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For getting mad that he wouldn't get up?

93 replies

session9 · 09/01/2023 16:26

My 'partner' and DD's dad doesn't live with us but sometimes stays over. He's only just started sleeping over as we were apart for some time.

Anyway, we slept on the sofa as it turns into a superking (my bed is tiny) he's out of work at the moment and always sleeps in the day as has trouble sleeping at night (probably because he sleeps during the day?)
Anyway we went to bed at a reasonable time, I gave him a sleeping tablet. The next day our daughter woke me about 8.30, I got up, did breakfast, exercised, got dressed, did 2 loads of washing, etc. I tried waking him about 5 times, even sent DD to try & jump on him but it didn't work. I was getting increasingly frustrated as we couldn't use the sitting room, I wanted to tidy up and go for a walk.

His mum rang me for a chat about something unrelated, I ended up venting, she said he's exactly the same at home (won't get up) anyway, I look over and guess who decides to rise from the dead to ear wig on my conversation. He ended up calling me a 'bastard cunt' & told me his mum didn't like me the other day. Granted I shouldn't have slated him but by the 5th hour of trying to shift him I was fully pissed off.

After the name calling I asked his mum to meet me to pick him up (he doesn't drive) he was so angry that I was making him leave.

Was I the one in the wrong? He said it was my fault because I gave him a sleeping tablet. I have insomnia and barely ever have a good nights sleep but I still have to get up and be a mum or go to work so I can't empathise.

OP posts:
MadeofCheeese · 09/01/2023 17:34

If he isn't working, why isn't he doing the majority of the childcare?

1FootInTheRave · 09/01/2023 17:48

He's a loser.

maryofthevirginkind · 09/01/2023 17:52

Raise your expectations of how a man should treat a woman. You would not want your DC treated like this by a partner so don't allow yourself to be. Get rid.

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2023 17:53

session9 · 09/01/2023 16:38

I'm not allowed to be unwell either, he's his worse when I got a cold, I don't understand it at all.

What the hell is there to 'understand'?

The bloke is a loser. Get rid - permanently. He has to be in your dd's life. He does not have to be in yours.

As an aside - where do women find these men and why do they think so little of themselves that they accept utterly ridiculous behaviour?

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 09/01/2023 17:58

Urgh. My vagina just shrivelled up and I threw up into my mouth a bit.

Zatroya · 09/01/2023 18:00

You give him a sleeping tablet then complain that he can't get up the next day.. Can't think why 🙄

purpleylights · 09/01/2023 18:14

Doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day and when he is awake, he calls you names. Throw this one back in! 😂

Stressfordays · 09/01/2023 18:18

Doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day lives with his Mummy and calls you names? Has he got anything going for him? Sack him off, what a waste of space.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 09/01/2023 18:21

Why did you offer to drop him off with his mum? He's a grown man, he can call his own taxi from the street!

AreOttersJustWetCats · 09/01/2023 18:22

I would have a long think about why you let this man back into your life, so you dont repeat the pattern with another loser. He has literally nothing going for him. Your bar should be a lot higher than this.

MintChocCornetto · 09/01/2023 18:23

What a fucking loser

Sleeps all day

Won't get up, won't look after his own child

Mummy has to drive him about

What is the point of him? You and your DD would be about a million times better off without him. Put him in the bin.

BunchHarman · 09/01/2023 18:25

He doesn’t work, he’s a lazy cunt, he’s abusive, he doesn’t help parent his child…I’m not sure I understand why you’ve invited him back into your life? I bet he doesn’t pay a fucking thing.

DDivaStar · 09/01/2023 18:35

Anyone who used this language in my house let alone about me wouldn't enter my house again.

Original poster
session9 · 09/01/2023 19:56

I have ended it more times than you could imagine, he makes my life incredibly difficult to the point I end up getting back with him because it's easier.

He actually used to be worse than he is now.

I don't know what it is, familiarity, he was there when I had nowhere to live, he's always been there when I've had no one else. I know it's not good, I keep hoping and washing and waiting for that change he keeps promising.

OP posts:
Original poster
session9 · 09/01/2023 19:58

*wishing not washing

OP posts:
HippeePrincess · 09/01/2023 20:00

He’s not going to change, this will only get worse. You can’t be with someone because you’re scared of splitting up with them. You need to call the police if he harrasses you when you’ve ended things, and I’d consider talking to women’s aid or similar and looking at moving so he doesn’t know where you are.

PinkSyCo · 09/01/2023 20:05

He can’t sleep, he can’t wake up, he can’t drive, can’t/won’t work. What can he do apart from shout and call you vile names?

Snowwhite83 · 09/01/2023 20:08

You deserve better,

Abusive, unemployed and lives with his mum. Think if the example you are setting to your child. Be strong and get rid.

AllTheAll · 09/01/2023 20:09

What's the useless bit of skin at the end of a penis called?

.....

OP's partner!

He's gaslighting you. Stop feeling like you owe him anything. You owe yourself and your daughter to be rid of him.

picklemewalnuts · 09/01/2023 20:14

session9 · 09/01/2023 16:33

It's whenever I get angry or upset about anything he turns into this angry monster, I feel like I can't get angry.

He acts out and is verbally abusive, then will not leave me alone until I accept his apology. He sent 11 texts after I dropped him off. Saying he loves me and wants it to work, that I don't care, that he thinks I hate him. I'm at the stage where I won't reply as it's every single time he's horrible he tries to hoover me back in. I do love him but he has such a horrible nasty side, he won't communicate with me, can't take criticism, but can also be funny, loving, kind, caring.

It's so draining.

You should hate him! He's behaving- choosing to behave- in a nasty abusive way. He's manipulative and bad for you and your DD. He shouldn't be in your lives. Why the hell is he? What's he bringing to the table?

AnnaTortoiseshell · 09/01/2023 20:16

Literally what is the point of this man?

SuperHandss · 09/01/2023 20:21

He’s never going to change and he is not good enough for you or your DD.

Carlycat · 09/01/2023 20:34

You must be absolutely desperate. Stop whining and get rid 🙄

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 20:41

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

Sarahcoggles · 09/01/2023 20:43

He doesn't work, doesn't drive, sleeps all day, can't be bothered to get up to see his daughter, happily monopolises the living room all day, and then uses obscene language when someone complains about his behaviour. He sounds like a waste of space.

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