"Use your words" Wtf?

[Gymnopedie]

Disclaimer, the nearest I get to social media is on MN. I don't have Fb, Insta, Twitter etc and the only other forums I go on are subject specific, so I've only seen it on here. I get that it may be internet wide. But where's it suddenly come from? What happened to talk to/discuss with/speak to/tell them? They were perfectly descriptive ways of indicating how an issue might be addressed, we didn't need a trendy phrase to replace them.

As you might have gathered, I don't like it!

I don't know if it's from there but I watched a couple of episodes of a series called Emily in Paris and they used the expression there.

Agree with pp.
It's been around for decades, and is generally used with young children who are having tantrums and walloping each other.
If said in an adult context I'd expect it was absolutely meant to be patronising and presume the person wasn't expressing themselves clearly.

Someone just used it on here recently ‘this has happened because you didn’t use your words’. Gigantic, visible from space, patronising tittery. It should be a banning infraction.

That's what I tell the children with send I work with when they try to punch me because they want something or don't want to do something 🤣🤣🤣

It's perfectly acceptable in some situations but I agree with fully grown adults to fully grown adults it's extremely patronising x

Oh I didn't know it had been around decades.

Yes, overused in a superior kind of way. It’s on a par with “indoor voice dear” although that’s funnier I think

As many have pointed out, it’s used for very young children who are just learning to speak, as this is a scholarly journal article called “Use Your Words” about toddler language development, written in 2011.
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21969766/

Someone, like you now, was also asking when the phrase suddenly seemed to become popular back in 2012:
boards.straightdope.com/t/use-your-words-when-did-this-phrase-become-popular/626665
Someone answering back then, who did education placement in a nursery, said it was in use by the turn of the millenium.

So the phrase is at least 20+ years old.

I've never heard of the expression before this thread.

If anyone said this to me I'd tell them to fuck of with no hesitation.

I use it all the time. To the dog. Funnily enough she doesn’t!

People use it on here when they want to be patronising which is really annoying, on a par with people who make a statement followed by. No?

Excellently put.

I've just seen it used on a thread that's currently running. Agree it's appropriate to be used for children but seems patronising and belittling towards an adult.

I didn't make it clear in my OP because I didn't know the context. I wish there was an edit function so that I could clarify.

I can see why it would be a good way of explaining to a child how to communicate, but I'd only seen it on MN where it was being said in posts to (presumably) other adults.

This.

Its a line in a current pop song too so, as you have noticed, its entered lexicon.

Its used in a patronising way in the song too.

It's usually used by absolute tosspots to be utterly patronising!

Exactly. It’s clearly meant to imply that recipient of the phrase is being childish, unable or unwilling to communicate in a coherent way. It’s meant to be a dig.

Tends to be reserved for being particularly vicious towards adults with ASD or speech impediments who are upset about something they are perfectly reasonably upset about in my experience. Specifically designed to humiliate and embarrass adults finding it difficult to speak.

I’ve been known to say it to DH when he’s being annoyingly passive aggressive. And yes, I do say it in a patronising way! 😂

I saw a reply with just this comment, nothing else, a few days ago; first time I've noticed it on MN.

But I've been seeing it online for years, frequently on reddit. There was a mod on one of the travel-related sites who was notorious for responding to serious requests for advice and strategy to deal with difficult and potentially dangerous situations (often young women solo travellers experiencing harrassment, unwanted attention, threats, or even assault) by chiding the poster and any serious replies with "just use your words!" and "tell the bad man no thank you" and so on. In cases like that, there's a strong connotation of trivialising, shaming, and silencing which I think carries over a bit even when it's used in a less serious context or meant in a light-hearted way.

Most of the time, it probably has similar intent to "typical" MN comments like "what did he say when you asked him?" or "what happened when you said no?" - understandable as there are many posts with people asking strangers what their partner meant when he said x or apparently assuming a consensus about something that hasn't been discussed. I still wouldn't use this particular phrase to an adult stranger, though - and I'd retire its counterpart "put on your big girl panties" as well.

🤣🤣

YANBU to find it repugnant. I loathe that phrase. Obnoxious when directed at anyone, child or adult, in my very humble opinion.

Several adults in my family start using loud voices when excited. As someone who is sensitive to sound during flareups I have to frequently ask for a quiet voice. I'm not being superior, I just don't want to be in pain.

I hate it too, and have seen it several times on here in the last few weeks.

My son has a speech delay and this is the phrase we've been guided to use by the Speech and Language Therapist. Sometimes he can default to trying to take my hand to take me to show what he wants, or will use filler sounds to fill a sentence, and we've been guided to gently say, "let's use your words", "can you use your words to tell mummy", "can mummy help find the word you're trying to use."

It seems to work well for him and he'll sit and ponder on the word he's trying to think of.