To ask for tips from working single parents?

[solomam]

I'll start by saying that I am not a single parent in the true sense of the word because I do have a partner. But he has started working away every other week and so from a practical perspective, I am technically a single parent every other week because I have only one pair of hands.

I work 4 days, I have a stressful job and a lengthy (ish) commute. I have 2 DC - one nursery aged and one older. I am absolutely EXHAUSTED from my first week juggling it all by myself. No family support so it literally is just me when DH is away every other week.

Any tips, please, from single working parents? How on earth do you do it?! Do you all have extended family support or are you as frazzled as I feel right now? 😩

@Pumperthepumper

I've heard of this delivery saver but never used it - need to have a look at that! Thank you.

I hear you. I'm a single parent too. And you've explained repeatedly far better than I ever could.

I'm going to have to step away because the OP really doesn't get it. I wish you all the best.

This response is unreasonable. The OP clearly stated she is not a single parent in her initial post. She's asking for practical tips and advice. If you don't have anything to add then don't comment.

Thank you!!

Haha it works, I also don't allow any food that would require even a spoon after 7:30pm. So DS can grab a piece of fruit if he's still hungry and he has a water bottle that he can put water in if he is thirsty 🤣 I also ban any dishes going upstairs or food, even for myself 😳

DS has ADHD so routine is beneficial to him, but even if he didn't have ADHD I'd still have the routine.

It helps me know where I am and what I'm doing. Clubs also happen the same time/day every week and they are just slotted in. The only effect this has is a later tea time and the kitchen closing a bit later. But the pattern is the same if you see what I mean.

I also get the food shop delivered same time, every week and I buy 7 days food/meals so I don't need to top up again or even set foot in a supermarket/shop excluding emergencies like DS dropping 6pints of milk on the kitchen floor at 7am one day 🤣

I also iron when needed rather than iron everything immediately after being washed.

Meal planning is also good for knowing what you are doing.

People gave you good advice, commiserated with you & some of us corrected you on the single parent comparison.

If you'd read literally the first line of my OP, you'd realise you didn't need to "correct" anything because I posted with the caveat that I recognised the difference!!!!

I'm a lone parent and your post doesn't offend me. I understand that you mean you won't have the same practical help when your DP is away.

I work full time. Have a 4yo, I get up an hour before DS and get myself ready as well as lay his clothes out for him to change in to (usually end up with pants on backwards and inside out socks but, he's learning!), we then sit down and have breakfast together. Drop him at nursery. Come home and work. Put laundry on and do 5 small tasks on my lunch break (so tomorrow will be dishwasher, laundry on, vacuum, wipe surfaces and general quick tidy). Only takes me 5 mins to eat my lunch. End of the day I pick my son up (he has tea at nursery), come home or to his clubs, snack, play with him until bed time, bath, books, bed at 7. He's down by 7.30. I then hang the laundry I put on at lunch time, do a couple of other bits, sort his nursery bag and chill out for the rest of the evening.

Weekends I do sweet fuck all apart from Tidy, wipe kitchen surfaces, dishwasher etc. It's too stressful otherwise. I learnt to lower my standards.

I find that if I write EVERYTHING down the night before that I have to do the previous day, in order, I'll do it and feel a bit of a sense of achievement once I've ticked them off.

Hope this helps!

Errr if you are asking for support it's not unreasonable for people to ask what it is you are struggling with. Is the issue that you have two children not one now and find that harder? Is the issue that you no longer have family help? Plenty of people who aren't single parents can also give you useful advice on those situations.

The following day that is!

Need get the kids to lower their standards too. They need to understand there’s only one of you so will have to do without or wait for bedtime stories etc. Obvious things to are avoid shopping with them, do it when you’re alone/on au home from work or get food delivered.
It really doesn’t matter if they have the same meal for a few days in a row or too much telly or food that’s not all freshly prepared etc.
Kids rarely need bathing every night, can do toddler/kid version of top and tail.
If you’re knackered & things getting on top of you living room picnic with paper plates and freezer oven cooked buffet or variety of packetted food is easy for prep and clear up and lots of fun for kids.
If you have friends who like doing the same things and have the money to do it can have some “nights out” at soft play after school, wear them out and have dinner there so easier bedtime once home.

Hi, single working mum to a 2 year old and 7 year old here. Most important thing, accept you are doing it by yourself and don't stew on that - just get on with it. Cook and freeze meals on Sundays for the week, accept the house is going to get messy and save main tidying for the weekends. kids in bed early so you get a bit of time to relax in the evenings. Keep a diary so you know what's going on with after school clubs ect. Organise morning clothes and bags the night before. You can do it!

Is the issue that you have two children not one now and find that harder? Is the issue that you no longer have family help?

Both of the above, plus: way more stressful and demanding job now compared to the time I was a single mum to my eldest, and far longer commute to said job. But biggest differences are no family support around me now and two children instead of one.

Single mum to 4 year old, so I've got half your woes and I really sympathise: I couldn't do it with two!

One thing I do is that I'm really rigid about bedtimes. This suits DD: she's a good sleeper and, when she was really little, would stand at the bottom of the stairs at 6.30pm and ask to go up. 😂 I haven't deviated much from that now at age 4. We're always in bed chilling by half 6 at the latest and she's always asleep by half 7.

This probably makes me a sloppy Mum but I don't bath her every night. I kid myself that I'm building up her immune system.

I try and make sure that surfaces are clutter-free throughout the week, but I only clean on a Sunday. That's also the day I do batch cooking and laundry.

Yes also to online food shopping! Absolute lifesaver. I went into a supermarket at Christmas time and it had been so long since I'd last been in there I was almost overwhelmed by the choice! 😂

Also, I would say that some nights you'll go to bed when they do, and that's totally ok. Don't even bother with adult time - just get into your pjs and hit the hay at 8pm.

To make my life easier I make sure I clean and tidy as we go. For example, after breakfast everything is washed up, surfaces wiped, food picked up off the floor, and then we go and play. If they've played with their toys in the kitchen, I'll tidy those up before we move to a different room. Do laundry whilst they're having lunch. All of that means that by the time I've bathed them the house is relatively tidy and once they're in bed I can actually relax which is really important to me. We leave the house for a few hours each day and will often have lunch out wherever we are. Early bath time just to break up the afternoon and evening stretch of time which feels like forever!

Single working parent to DD7. I'm not great in the mornings so do as much as possible the night before - pack school and work bags, lay out clothes and uniform, make lunches etc. I eat breakfast at work.

Definitely do online food shopping, supermarkets are hellish at the best of times never mind with kids in tow. If the kids don't eat at childcare have a repertoire of quick simple dinners for weeknights. Frozen Pizzas or whatever are great to have in for those nights before next shop or when you just can't be bothered cooking. Long life milk as a back up is a god send, always have one in the cupboard!

If you commute via public transport use that time for admin tasks like booking deliveries or appointments etc. If your job allows working from home try and do that as much as possible/permitted.

And yes to lowering standards re housework or outsourcing if finances permit. Weekends I try and do bigger cleaning jobs and make sure there's enough uniform/work clothes for the week (don't always succeed on this)

It is tough going and can feel relentless so I think finding the routine that works for you will help. And I second the advice to not beat yourself up x

Sorry for weird formatting not sure what happened there!

when I come off the phone I still need to do tea, bathtime, bedtime, packed lunches, have a shower myself, her clothes ready for next day..... etc. How has that hour of emotional support helped me practically? It hasn't. They are different.

Even in practical terms you are not single parenting. He can do many things remotely: arrange doctor or dentist appts, book trips, buy presents, organise birthday parties, order new school uniform, deal with school admin, etc. And then he is physically there for 50% of the time so you can rest, go out alone, spend time catching up on admin, batch cook in peace or whatever.

Please just accept the helpful tips I and others have tried to give you, and admit that it was a silly comparison to make.

@solomam whether it's your home life or job that you are struggling with (as it is a big job 🙄) but honestly you have come across as really rude.
The reality is you only have to manage your job and your children on your own around 8 days a month, if it's stressing you out that much, you have plenty of options.

That makes sense. I think I'd probably focus on as much prep as possible (with your husband's help!) before je goes away each time (cooking, whole house clean, washing baskets empty etc) and make clear to him also that he'll be doing more around the house and with kids during his weeks back so that you have time to relax and can put off any non-essential things/ life admin/ batch cooking/ bigger household jobs until he's around.

Thanks for the tips @SpringIsTooFarAway

I'm afraid we will have to agree to disagree that it's a "silly" comparison. I'm physically alone half of the month. So in terms of the running of my day from a practical point of view, it makes sense to ask those who are used to being alone how they make it work. The fact that others have managed to find offence in that is not my issue I'm afraid. Especially when I literally opened my post with a caveat that I realise it's not the exact same thing.

8 days a month? Where you getting that from. More like 14. He's away every other week.

And I disagree that I've been rude. I've responded in the same tone I've been replied to with.

@SpringIsTooFarAway

Also - DH works really long hours when he's away. Often I go to bed on an evening before he's finished his day. So him sorting those things remotely wouldn't be particularly practical. My working hours are not as long so those things fall to me.

I won't be using this forum for "support" anymore. You second half the time defending pointless things that people have managed to find offence in. I literally do not have the energy.

I’m a single parent and don’t mind at all, so ask for support.it isn’t the same but you said that. Don’t let people put you off.
If you’d asked for ideas from mums with partners who work away a lot you’d have answers from single parents saying “I’m not in the same boat but this is what I do as a single parent”.
I hope you’ve had some useful advice/suggestions x

Don't despair @solomam

The vast majority of responders totally understood!

@solomam I'm not a single parent and my situation is very similar to yours. My top tips would be have one meal a week that you literally take out of the freezer and put in the oven - mine is breaded fish and oven chips and I do some frozen peas and frozen broad beans with it. Second tip is a slow cooker - shove stuff in it in the morning and come home to dinner made - thank you very much slow cooker!