To ask for tips from working single parents?

[solomam]

I'll start by saying that I am not a single parent in the true sense of the word because I do have a partner. But he has started working away every other week and so from a practical perspective, I am technically a single parent every other week because I have only one pair of hands.

I work 4 days, I have a stressful job and a lengthy (ish) commute. I have 2 DC - one nursery aged and one older. I am absolutely EXHAUSTED from my first week juggling it all by myself. No family support so it literally is just me when DH is away every other week.

Any tips, please, from single working parents? How on earth do you do it?! Do you all have extended family support or are you as frazzled as I feel right now? 😩

Similar here...after my 2nd child swings and roundabouts I think. More time and less stress at work but financially and boredom with work are the trade offs. I am now only working my way back into a role I have wanted to do
for sometime. But on reflection I am glad I took this route.

It's a bit of a trigger point, OP. I once said something about how I would not have chosen to have a baby alone (in the context of donor sperm) as I wouldn't have coped, and was immediately jumped on by a lot of posters going WELL I have FOUR KIDS ALONE and I HAVE to cope.

Meanwhile in real life.... i could go into work tomorrow and ask my single parent colleagues for their tips to survive the week solo and I guarantee not one of them will look at me as if I've got two heads and say "that is so offensive to ask me for tips! Our situations are not even comparable...." Just think for a second how ridiculous that would be.

Thankfully I live in the real world and no one I know in RL is anything like some of these posters!

There are two sides to lone parenting - the practical and the emotional.

There are. And they overlap. I am going through nightmare court proceedings atm. I forced myself to clean, wash clothes, iron, put away Christmas decorations and the rest. I brought my DC to their activities. I really need groceries, and has felt like a step too far today, I couldn't face it. I'm worried stressed & alone

However as I've 3 DC, I will have to get my ass in gear & do the shop. And it will be fine.

An organisational tip wouldn't help me today. I just needed some emotional support I won't get.

*Lovely.

Fuck's sake.*

😂😂

Oh come off it.

I'm sorry you're going through that but I don't know what that had to do with my thread or my own situation? Could you not start your own thread about that? (Genuine question)

Ridiculous isn't it. The predictable race to the bottom. Yawn.

This is the first week we've done it and it was all quite last minute so he did pitch in a little yes. But next time he needs to do more before he leaves, I agree

I don't think it's ridiculous at all

And if someone in my workplace asked me this, for ease & professionalism, I'd smile tightly & give a brief reply while thinking FFS.

I listen often to colleagues say how hard it is parenting, when they have a supportive spouse & often other family support. I don't think badly of them, just recognise they are clueless about the realities of a single parent, even when they've heard some of it from me.

The point this is has to do with your thread is that the practical side is not totally separate from the emotional side of single parenting. The emotional side impacts the practical side.

But you clearly don't get it.

@Findyourneutralspace

Thank you

I am no longer a single parent, and in fairness my ex always did one overnight midweek.

These are the things that helped

• easy meals; jacket potatoes, batch cooked, back up chicken nuggets / fish fingers etc just in case
• food shop delivered (on a night)
• have enough uniform for one a day
• if you can hire a cleaner (if you can’t do it when partner is home and use wipes the rest of the time.
• agree lower your standards. Prioritise what’s most important… for me it was getting everyone to where they need to be on time, clean (ish) clothes, fed!

What? People gave you good advice, commiserated with you & some of us corrected you on the single parent comparison.

And your reply is to be petulant dismissive & rude.

Not sure what's hard to understand (😂😂😂)

Could you not start your own thread about that? (Genuine question

No. (Genuine answer). I didn't write asking for views, suggestions or advice

I clarified the intersection between practical & emotional, which is relevant to the thread and gave an answer.

Anyway you're not interested - good luck with it all

Thank you!

Right so I can spend an hour on the phone to my DH crying while he says "there there" and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

But then when I come off the phone I still need to do tea, bathtime, bedtime, packed lunches, have a shower myself, her clothes ready for next day..... etc. How has that hour of emotional support helped me practically? It hasn't. They are different.

A final note - it's possible to not agree without being so pointedly nasty ('yawn'). This is a sensitive area for some.

As far as I can see, everyone was polite, and empathised with you. I certainly did. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This response is unreasonable. The OP clearly stated she is not a single parent in her initial post. She's asking for practical tips and advice. If you don't have anything to add then don't comment.

I'm not a single parent but I would suggest outsourcing anything you can afford too - get a cleaner/gardener etc.

Online food shopping is also helpful - no supermarket chaos or spending extra on the impulse buys and you can meal plan more effectively to reduce the stress of the inevitable "what's for dinner" questions.

@EarringsandLipstick

I've had all fucking day of this whilst being at a low ebb myself and all I did was post for support! So excuse me for coming across as "petulant" and "nasty" (I disagree) - I'm just exasperated with saying the same shit over and over as I really really do not have the mental energy or physical time!

I'm a widow, so a loan parent to a single child primary age.

Routine is the key and coffee is your saviour.

I run my house like a military camp I won't lie 🤣

Wake up 6:30, showers/ wash, breakfast, teeth brushing, dressing. Breakfast dishes done. Lunches packed.

8:30am depart for school/work

5pm after work.

Homework, TV time whilst I cook tea, eat tea, DS then get more time to play/screens, I clean the kitchen which shuts at 7:30pm. All counters washed down, all dishes draining or put away. Washing loads are also placed in the washer dryer on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

DS goes up to bed at 8:30pm

I spend 8:30pm till 9:30pm cleaning the living room, packing toys away, running a quick vacuum over. I refuse to come down in the morning to a messy house. Personal preference.

I then go up to bed about 10pm. DS often slips into my bed and falls asleep I will browse social media Mumsnet till I fall asleep.

And repeat!!!

Saturday's are changing bedding and bleeching bathroom on top of the usual tidying routine.

So yes it's a boring life set by routine, but it stops me drowning. Little and often cleaning means I never face a bomb site to clean, and it's always a quick job to tidy/clean.

I do balance after school tutor, rugby training and games, boys brigade/club into that too 🤣 that's where the coffee comes in!

Right so I can spend an hour on the phone to my DH crying while he says "there there" and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Jesus Christ.

The point is, you won't have at least the same emotional shit to deal with as a single parent ... like an issue with DC & school. You can ring your DH & resolve that, which frees you up mentally to tackle the practical stuff.

You might not be terrified about where you'll find the money to pay for more court proceedings dealing with an abusive narcissistic ex

You might realise you've an issue with the plumbing but realise it can wait till DH is home & you can jointly make a decision & meet the cost.

That's how it bloody helps.

@EarringsandLipstick

Right yeah. Thanks.

@MoscowMules

Thanks! Military camp here we come then 😂

Pay for a cleaner (if you can afford it) but money well spent in my opinion

Pay to get your shopping delivered - I pay £8 a month for unlimited deliveries from Tesco, worth every penny to me.

Use a slow cooker - I used to have dinner in there by 8am, great to know you get home to a healthy meal ready for you and the kids at the end of the school/working day.

I think batch cooking is a waste of time. Better to get really creative with leftovers, like stick them all in a wrap or in ciabatta.

I’m not a single parent but the thing I find so brilliant is the Tesco delivery saver - you can get any time delivery for about £7, including same day. And you can get it delivered until 10pm so you never have to set foot inside a supermarket ever again.