Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people are more selfish than ever before?

139 replies

LosAmigos · 08/01/2023 01:04

I went to the theatre this evening. The show was wonderful, but people made me mad. There was a woman with two teenage girls behind me and the woman and one of the girls were frequently talking.

Woman sat next to me, constantly rustling a bag of sweets throughout. She also couldn't seem to sit still in her seat. After she had finished the Haribo, she pulled a bag of something crunchy out.

Also, while I am having a rant, there's not a public transport journey I take where someone isn't talking with their phone on speakerphone or they're playing music/media out loud without headphones.

OP posts:
JamSandle · 08/01/2023 01:06

I'm not sure if more selfish than ever before. But I also hate the people who talk with their phone on speaker or play music or games out loud. I just don't understand it.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 08/01/2023 01:06

No. People have always been like this. You just notice it more as you get older and less tolerant of everybody's BS

LexMitior · 08/01/2023 01:11

Yes. You don't eat in a theatre fgs. What is it with people that they cannot eat for two hours.

iminvestednow · 08/01/2023 01:13

I think it’s excellent that dynamics are changing and everyone has the right to see plays and have experiences. The downside is, some have not been taught the expectations that come with this. There are unwritten rules that you do not make unnecessary noise and disturb others. I have an autistic son and would never take him to a regular showing but I don’t need to as there are ‘relaxed’ showings for this purpose. My needs don’t trump yours. Everyone has the right to enjoy the theatre without thoughtless see you next Tuesdays.

jtaeapa · 08/01/2023 01:13

discipline has decreased in schools and in the home. These are the consequences.

Kanaloa · 08/01/2023 01:17

People have always been rude. People will always be rude. Such is life.

And I know on mumsnet people will storm that ‘you don’t eat in a theatre, how disgusting, how rude!’ Well, they sell food at the Globe. They sell food and drinks at every theatre on broadway. They sell food and drinks at every theatre I’ve ever been in - if it was such a total faux pas I presume the theatre would choose not to sell food, and would ban food from being consumed in the theatre. I’m sure they aren’t imagining the customers will be pouring a Coca Cola into a thermos to enjoy later at home!

hmmmintereting · 08/01/2023 01:37

I believe people have become much more self centred since the pandemic. And, due to the current state of the country/world, people are generally less happy - which leads to selfish behaviours.

I wonder when this will change.

ItsGettingCold · 08/01/2023 01:47

Lol,are you serious?!
NOPE.
10 years ago people didn't walk through the grocery store talking on speaker phone,at high volume,so three aisles over could hear both sides of the conversation.
Literally just yesterday I passed a woman who did this and could tell you all about her conversation,of which I didn't want to know a SINGLE thing.It was actually embarrassing and she had zero clue.

phoenixrosehere · 08/01/2023 01:53

Kanaloa · 08/01/2023 01:17

People have always been rude. People will always be rude. Such is life.

And I know on mumsnet people will storm that ‘you don’t eat in a theatre, how disgusting, how rude!’ Well, they sell food at the Globe. They sell food and drinks at every theatre on broadway. They sell food and drinks at every theatre I’ve ever been in - if it was such a total faux pas I presume the theatre would choose not to sell food, and would ban food from being consumed in the theatre. I’m sure they aren’t imagining the customers will be pouring a Coca Cola into a thermos to enjoy later at home!

Agree. None of what OP describes is new. The lack of self-awareness has always been an issue.

Probably didn’t notice it as much due to the height of the pandemic where social distance and wearing masks were the rules. Things have just gone back to what they were for the most part before the pandemic imo.

Justellingthetruth · 08/01/2023 02:00

@LosAmigos

yes they are
people seem to like to show how ignorance and stupid they are!

Kanaloa · 08/01/2023 09:16

ItsGettingCold · 08/01/2023 01:47

Lol,are you serious?!
NOPE.
10 years ago people didn't walk through the grocery store talking on speaker phone,at high volume,so three aisles over could hear both sides of the conversation.
Literally just yesterday I passed a woman who did this and could tell you all about her conversation,of which I didn't want to know a SINGLE thing.It was actually embarrassing and she had zero clue.

Maybe they didn’t use phones on speaker phone but there have always been rude or selfish people. It’s silly to say otherwise.

Ponoka7 · 08/01/2023 09:24

I think that standards of behaviour have dropped. Consideration for others is fading with each generation and that includes my bugbear of littering. Technology has made us louder, that includes music in shops. Patience isn't what it was, but in lots of ways tolerance is better.

GrowingUpIsATrap · 08/01/2023 11:03

I took my mum (in her 60s) to the theatre in London in the summer.
Three women next to us talked constantly throughout the second half. They weren't even attempting to whisper. It looked like a mum and her 2 daughters who looked about 50s/20s.
My mum eventually asked then politely to be quite and they then started mimicking her and laughing at her.
I actually couldn't believe that instead of just apologising and being quiet they acted like that. It really ruined the performance for us.

TheWitchOfShields · 08/01/2023 11:35

YANBU

We went to see the local pantomime just before Christmas, where a woman and her family 3 rows in front of us kept blocking the view, allowing her not so small children to stand up. The family in the row in front of us loudly complained about this all the way through, only for the whole complaining family to STAND UP for the last 10 minutes, adults included, blocking the entire view of those of us behind them. When we asked them to sit back down because we couldn't see, their answer was 'tough shit'.

petalblossom · 08/01/2023 11:38

I agree there seems to have been a shift in general consideration and manners. There has been an apparent rise in the 'I don't care I do what's right for me' attitude, and it seems to be more common to receive a disproportionate backlash if you politely ask someone to amend their behaviour. I can see a connection with social media, but can't quite pinpoint why. I think it's because a lot of people have become used to making spaces all about them and can't see their social errors because they live inside a world of likes and gratification.

girlfriend44 · 08/01/2023 11:44

I've always wondered why people can't go to a show or film and not have to eat either.
Re phones. There is a downside, people talking and nearly bumping into you as they aren't concentrating.
People talking loudly on buses. There's seems to be no want for privacy anymore among some. They don't care if the whole bus hears their business Why?

Palemoonlight · 08/01/2023 11:45

I don't know about if it is worse than it used to be, but the sheer volume of people on here who are outraged that they should make an accommodation for anyone else, and seem to think that spaces and venues in the wider world are for their convenience and no-one else's, does astonish me. The ' Why should I?' attitude is prevalent.

DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 11:47

I think people have always been selfish but the problem is, more people would politely pull others up years ago.

Now it seems more people would rather sit in silence than tell the person their behaviour is bothering them.

Kanaloa · 08/01/2023 11:54

DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 11:47

I think people have always been selfish but the problem is, more people would politely pull others up years ago.

Now it seems more people would rather sit in silence than tell the person their behaviour is bothering them.

I mean the reason for that might be because you can’t ‘politely pull people up’ on behaviours that are harmless and normal just because you dislike them. You can’t pull people up for eating in a venue that sells food and drinks for the purposes of the customers buying and eating it. They’d quite rightly laugh you out of the place. Talking loudly in inappropriate places (like the theatre) then yes (although I’d expect a staff member to do it), but talking on the bus? No, you can’t really politely pull people up on that just because you don’t want to hear what they’re saying. They have a right to talk on the bus just like anyone else.

funinthesun19 · 08/01/2023 11:59

“BeKind” doesn’t help.

“You complaining at someone on bus might really effect them. You never know what someone is going through so just be kind and be nice to people…”

LlynTegid · 08/01/2023 12:03

I think it has got worse. Social media a part of this, the time without social interaction in person because of the pandemic, and the example of Boris Johnson whose personal behaviour is a disgrace yet has been without the consequences it should have had.

SmokeyPaprika · 08/01/2023 12:06

MistyGreenAndBlue · 08/01/2023 01:06

No. People have always been like this. You just notice it more as you get older and less tolerant of everybody's BS

I don't agree with this. If you watch old movies people on trains talked in lowered voices. There was no gadgets. But they were also polite and didn't push past (except for occasionally if you got football fans who'd had a drink they were noisy though nowadays they are very noisy and also foul mouthed )

SmokeyPaprika · 08/01/2023 12:07

Talking in a theatre is awful as the talkers voices are projected forward so it's noisier for the person in front than the actual person being talked to.

kittenkipping · 08/01/2023 12:20

I think people are ruder. Social media allows for a person to have an echo chamber community which leads them to feel they are always right and their behaviour is constantly replicated by the echo chamber "community" they've built themselves. This coupled with identity centric politics and beliefs which focus so much on the self, constant iterations of do what's right for YOU, you've got to look out for YOU, #living MY best life, these affirmations are all based on an "I'm alright jack" attitude dressed up as self care/ love.
In addition discipline in schools and homes is lower and an increase in assumptions of rights/ litigious attitudes/ horrific underfunding shackles social institutions ability to enact any change.
In short I think we're going to hell in a hand basket.

MadelineUsher · 08/01/2023 12:21

MistyGreenAndBlue · 08/01/2023 01:06

No. People have always been like this. You just notice it more as you get older and less tolerant of everybody's BS

I've been on the planet for a long time, and people were not always like this.

People were quiet in libraries, and did not eat while walking down the street, and certainly did not bring stinky hamburgers etc into cinemas until really quite recently. They did not use their phones at all while in cinemas, even 15 years ago. And it was rare to have a boor who would submit an entire carriage to his loud phone conversation or tinny music.