Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends pregnant for the second time in a year

81 replies

Anon6713 · 07/01/2023 23:37

I’m 18, my friend who has just turned 17 is now pregnant with her second baby within a year. Her first baby was taken away from her after about 2 months, she was doing drugs while pregnant with him and stopped for the 2 months she had him, she had to go to court and was moved into a mother and baby unit with him until she lost the case. She’s now gone back to doing drugs and announced a few days ago that she’s pregnant again, with a different guy that she’s been dating for about 3 weeks. She’s saying she’s gonna move in with him, and that she’s keeping the baby. A day before she found out she was pregnant she was on coke and mdma. Aibu to think this is disgusting and to not understand why some of my mates are supporting her decision to keep it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:52

BadNomad · 08/01/2023 00:51

You're saying a week of/after she had her baby taken from her, she met a new guy and got pregnant?

No, she had her baby in September, he got taken off her in November, now she’s with another guy and is now pregnant again

OP posts:
BadNomad · 08/01/2023 00:55

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:52

No, she had her baby in September, he got taken off her in November, now she’s with another guy and is now pregnant again

Show quote history

You said pregnant for the second time in a year. 12 months in a year. Pregnant for 9 of them, had baby for 2 of them, that leaves 1 month to get pregnant.

Murdoch1949 · 08/01/2023 00:56

Sadly your friend is on a slippery slope to addiction. Her social worker will be aware of her lifestyle, her now multiple pregnancies, and the risks to the current pregnancy. She has little chance of keeping the baby unless she rapidly turns her life around. For her health she needs to get long term contraception to prevent further pregnancies. She may be using pregnancy to fill a void in her life, does she have a family?

Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:57

BadNomad · 08/01/2023 00:55

You said pregnant for the second time in a year. 12 months in a year. Pregnant for 9 of them, had baby for 2 of them, that leaves 1 month to get pregnant.

Show quote history

Roughly a year then, if she gave birth at the start of September then that means she got pregnant in January, it’s now January and she’s pregnant again so ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 01:00

Murdoch1949 · 08/01/2023 00:56

Sadly your friend is on a slippery slope to addiction. Her social worker will be aware of her lifestyle, her now multiple pregnancies, and the risks to the current pregnancy. She has little chance of keeping the baby unless she rapidly turns her life around. For her health she needs to get long term contraception to prevent further pregnancies. She may be using pregnancy to fill a void in her life, does she have a family?

She’s very close with her sister, doesn’t really have much contact with either of her parents. She was using drugs up until she gave birth, stopped for a bit after, failed her drug test which was hair strand and then started again.

OP posts:
Bigshop · 08/01/2023 01:02

So sad, poor children.
Not much you can do other than stay away from her- her, and her friends, sound like they could have a negative effect on you.
I hope you have some good support for your past issues.

No doubt this baby will be removed from her as soon as it’s born.

Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 01:15

Bigshop · 08/01/2023 01:02

So sad, poor children.
Not much you can do other than stay away from her- her, and her friends, sound like they could have a negative effect on you.
I hope you have some good support for your past issues.

No doubt this baby will be removed from her as soon as it’s born.

Yeah not planning on having much contact with her, same as most of my friends. We’ve all got a lot more distant with her recently especially bc she keeps bringing up drugs while we’re all trying to move past that.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 08/01/2023 01:18

Your friend clearly needs help, not judgement. She sounds lost.

Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 01:21

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/01/2023 01:18

Your friend clearly needs help, not judgement. She sounds lost.

We tried to support her during the first one but she would rather have ‘fun’ and sesh than looking after her baby. Now she’s having another one after not being able to care for the existing one, I don’t understand why she didn’t have an abortion if she wasn’t ready to give up going out and getting pinged. Also I love breaking bad which I assume is what ur name refers to

OP posts:
kirwanco · 08/01/2023 01:21

We have safe and legal abortion for a reason. This young person should seek out the abortion healthcare that she obviously, desperately needs instead of smoking the crack pipe and carrying another pregnancy to term so she can hand the baby over to social services for them to wean off all of the drugs and place in and out of care for an entire childhood.

Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 01:22

kirwanco · 08/01/2023 01:21

We have safe and legal abortion for a reason. This young person should seek out the abortion healthcare that she obviously, desperately needs instead of smoking the crack pipe and carrying another pregnancy to term so she can hand the baby over to social services for them to wean off all of the drugs and place in and out of care for an entire childhood.

Exactly my point. Although it’s not crack it’s coke, mdma, acid and weed still really bad but just thought I should clarify

OP posts:
Tempone · 08/01/2023 01:26

Why are you posting this? What's the reason? Do you want advice or just want to discuss what a terrible person she is.
She is not your friend so what's the point?
I think this isn't real anyway but if it is... this is really unfair of you.

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/01/2023 01:27

She sounds like a deeply troubled young woman.

Social services and midwives will try to support her to stay off drugs. But unless she does she risks damaging this baby too and this baby will also be removed.

It's very sad

dicker · 08/01/2023 01:27

kirwanco · 08/01/2023 01:21

We have safe and legal abortion for a reason. This young person should seek out the abortion healthcare that she obviously, desperately needs instead of smoking the crack pipe and carrying another pregnancy to term so she can hand the baby over to social services for them to wean off all of the drugs and place in and out of care for an entire childhood.

the crack pipe?! for fucks sake

diamondsandrose · 08/01/2023 01:30

How can you definitely be pregnant after dating someone for 3 weeks 😳

Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 01:33

diamondsandrose · 08/01/2023 01:30

How can you definitely be pregnant after dating someone for 3 weeks 😳

Not sure and it might also not be his considering she’s been with a few boys since giving birth but she sent a pic of a clear blue with a very obvious positive saying ‘baby number 2’

OP posts:
diamondsandrose · 08/01/2023 01:38

Well if it's her own test maybe she is , but I doubt it's the new boyfriends , highly unlikely it would show up already she would needed to have got pregnant the day they met

kirwanco · 08/01/2023 01:47

What’s your solution? Let her keep popping as many drug addicted babies out as she wants whilst she continues to mis-manage her life with a smorgasbord of narcotics and state-sponsored support. Abortion is the solution here followed by not taking a bunch of drugs and preventing/aborting subsequent pregnancies until she’s fit to water a houseplant regularly.

Whotsit · 08/01/2023 02:02

Firstly put yourself first. Be friends with her or not, it’s your choice and either is fine. Maybe you could be honest with her and explain that you struggled with her continuing drugs while pregnant and with baby. You really hope she can make things work this time.

However a few things have struck me … it’s very difficult to escape ingrained behaviour and things have been stacked against the poor girl, she was dealt a rubbish hand as a child, in care and removed from her own parents, maybe they were addicts? What she really needs is in-depth counselling, strong role models, caring reliable friendships, people who believe she can break the mould, consistency. She will find it very difficult to unpick the mess of her childhood and she is still aN older child herself, with a developing teen brain which will only settle mid 20s. It is very common for teens bought up in the care system to want children early, often seeking out love and family.

I must also mention that young people do change and what you see now isn’t what you will see in 10 or 20 years time. Everyone deserves second chances but you are not obliged to support her.

Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 02:25

Whotsit · 08/01/2023 02:02

Firstly put yourself first. Be friends with her or not, it’s your choice and either is fine. Maybe you could be honest with her and explain that you struggled with her continuing drugs while pregnant and with baby. You really hope she can make things work this time.

However a few things have struck me … it’s very difficult to escape ingrained behaviour and things have been stacked against the poor girl, she was dealt a rubbish hand as a child, in care and removed from her own parents, maybe they were addicts? What she really needs is in-depth counselling, strong role models, caring reliable friendships, people who believe she can break the mould, consistency. She will find it very difficult to unpick the mess of her childhood and she is still aN older child herself, with a developing teen brain which will only settle mid 20s. It is very common for teens bought up in the care system to want children early, often seeking out love and family.

I must also mention that young people do change and what you see now isn’t what you will see in 10 or 20 years time. Everyone deserves second chances but you are not obliged to support her.

Yeah I can understand that 100%, tbh whenever someone would say something ab it she would flip out at them and say she’s gonna get them jumped if they said anything bad about her doing drugs while pregnant. Me n all my mates have spoke ab it to each other but whenever she would say something we would just smile n nod lol, not much u can rly say to her. First thing I said when she sent that pic was are u gonna keep it ? And she said yeah and I’m moving in w my bf soon which I think is so stupid and honestly I think she might be trying to baby trap him.

OP posts:
LearnerCook · 08/01/2023 02:40

Well done for getting & keeping yourself clear of drugs, OP.

Sadly, I think you need to distance yourself from your friend, after letting Social Services know what's happening with her. I know it will feel disloyal to do so, but her unborn child is most important factor here.

I wonder how many babies removed from her care it might take before she learns.

LadySweetPea · 08/01/2023 02:52

How the hell can anyone know they are pregnant within 3 weeks of meeting the partner?

CeriB82 · 08/01/2023 02:55

Odd thread.

very odd. At 17/18 my DD wouldn’t have heard of Mumsnet.

Original poster
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 03:02

CeriB82 · 08/01/2023 02:55

Odd thread.

very odd. At 17/18 my DD wouldn’t have heard of Mumsnet.

Probably because she isnt/hasn’t ever been pregnant

OP posts:
CeriB82 · 08/01/2023 03:11

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 03:02

Probably because she isnt/hasn’t ever been pregnant

Show quote history

Im not talking about the friend.

Swipe left for the next trending thread