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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends pregnant for the second time in a year

81 replies

Anon6713 · 07/01/2023 23:37

I’m 18, my friend who has just turned 17 is now pregnant with her second baby within a year. Her first baby was taken away from her after about 2 months, she was doing drugs while pregnant with him and stopped for the 2 months she had him, she had to go to court and was moved into a mother and baby unit with him until she lost the case. She’s now gone back to doing drugs and announced a few days ago that she’s pregnant again, with a different guy that she’s been dating for about 3 weeks. She’s saying she’s gonna move in with him, and that she’s keeping the baby. A day before she found out she was pregnant she was on coke and mdma. Aibu to think this is disgusting and to not understand why some of my mates are supporting her decision to keep it?

OP posts:
Anon6713 · 07/01/2023 23:58

KitchiHuritAngeni · 07/01/2023 23:56

No you don't otherwise you would be trying to support her instead of use her situation for a bit of Internet attention and bitching.

We’ve tried to support her but she doesn’t care. I remember we met her with her baby once and she was saying that she could probably smoke weed or do acid and still go home and look after him bc she wouldn’t be ‘out of control’

OP posts:
Anon6713 · 07/01/2023 23:59

And yes I do know about addiction because I went through a 6 month period just after I turned 17 of abusing mdma multiple times a week along with other drugs. I’ve now got myself off all drugs other than drinking a few times a month.

OP posts:
TightFistedWozerk · 08/01/2023 00:00

What do you take when you're doing a sesh with her? Weed, acid, something else?

Teatime55 · 08/01/2023 00:00

She won’t keep it, they’ll take it.

My friend used to live in town in a really rough area and the community policeman used to ask them to tell them when a particular woman was pregnant so they could report it. She’d had many many babies, all taken at birth. Every time she thought she could hide the pregnancy and keep it. She was a heroin addict.

TightFistedWozerk · 08/01/2023 00:01

Oh sorry, x post.

Stay away from her, you don't want to be going down that path again, yeah.

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:02

TightFistedWozerk · 08/01/2023 00:00

What do you take when you're doing a sesh with her? Weed, acid, something else?

When I was in my addiction last year it would be mdma, now me and all my mates have got ourselves out of that and just drink sometimes

OP posts:
TightFistedWozerk · 08/01/2023 00:04

Very best wishes from me, moving forward. Getting clean is a double thumbs up. Nice one.

PriamFarrl · 08/01/2023 00:05

SS will be closely involved already. They will find out she’s pregnant.

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:08

TightFistedWozerk · 08/01/2023 00:04

Very best wishes from me, moving forward. Getting clean is a double thumbs up. Nice one.

Thank you x

OP posts:
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:09

PriamFarrl · 08/01/2023 00:05

SS will be closely involved already. They will find out she’s pregnant.

I’m pretty sure her social worker already knows

OP posts:
dicker · 08/01/2023 00:15

what a shitty thread, gleefully giving the details of how shit a mother your ‘friend’ is so everyone can pat you on the back for not being like her. I see you’ve already had a ‘I hope you’re ok’ 🙄

KillingLoneliness · 08/01/2023 00:17

I don’t know why some people are assuming this is fake, I grew up surrounded by people like this and it’s really sad because it’s an endless cycle, poor family background, social services, vulnerability and falling into the wrong crowds, it’s a real problem especially in poorer areas.

Thedaysthatremain · 08/01/2023 00:18

Lindtcat · 07/01/2023 23:38

I wouldn't want to keep a friend like this. She won't change unfortunately but you can choose to not be around it.

As we know, we are all exactly the same people we were at 17.

secular39 · 08/01/2023 00:18

Instead of being judgemental OP. Be sympathetic. I think it's very sad. People like your friend need people to be supporting her. I would be concerned that if all her friends turn away from her, she turn further into her addiction. In life, we need a friend who tells us like it is- without that, then I fear she will be lost.

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:18

dicker · 08/01/2023 00:15

what a shitty thread, gleefully giving the details of how shit a mother your ‘friend’ is so everyone can pat you on the back for not being like her. I see you’ve already had a ‘I hope you’re ok’ 🙄

No I just really really think it’s so bad. I get it’s upsetting for everyone but I would’ve thought she learnt after the first time, now she’s got pregnant for the second time in a year with a boy she’s been with for a few weeks

OP posts:
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:22

KillingLoneliness · 08/01/2023 00:17

I don’t know why some people are assuming this is fake, I grew up surrounded by people like this and it’s really sad because it’s an endless cycle, poor family background, social services, vulnerability and falling into the wrong crowds, it’s a real problem especially in poorer areas.

yeah I can see how it might seem ‘trolly’ but I really wish it was. We don’t live in a very rich area at all and I just wish she could’ve learnt after seeing what happened the first time but tbh she didn’t really seem too upset about losing him, she didn’t really fight the court case and when he was first born she said she was saving money so if she lost him we could have a sesh, all my mates were like wtf but no one really feels like they can say anything to her.

OP posts:
dicker · 08/01/2023 00:22

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:18

No I just really really think it’s so bad. I get it’s upsetting for everyone but I would’ve thought she learnt after the first time, now she’s got pregnant for the second time in a year with a boy she’s been with for a few weeks

well she didn’t learn, obviously. what’s your point?

TooBigForMyBoots · 08/01/2023 00:22

KillingLoneliness · 08/01/2023 00:17

I don’t know why some people are assuming this is fake, I grew up surrounded by people like this and it’s really sad because it’s an endless cycle, poor family background, social services, vulnerability and falling into the wrong crowds, it’s a real problem especially in poorer areas.

For me it's the fact that the "friend" has been dating a guy for 3weeks and knows that she's pregnant.

FFS.🙄

secular39 · 08/01/2023 00:22

OP it's very common for women who have had their children removed, to carry on and keep producing children. I don't know why- could be a zillion of reasons. But it's very common and so so sad. I wish these authorities provided these mothers with proper counselling and support- otherwise the cycle just keeps on continuing.

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:24

TooBigForMyBoots · 08/01/2023 00:22

For me it's the fact that the "friend" has been dating a guy for 3weeks and knows that she's pregnant.

FFS.🙄

She sent a picture of a positive pregnancy test to announce it

OP posts:
Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:25

secular39 · 08/01/2023 00:22

OP it's very common for women who have had their children removed, to carry on and keep producing children. I don't know why- could be a zillion of reasons. But it's very common and so so sad. I wish these authorities provided these mothers with proper counselling and support- otherwise the cycle just keeps on continuing.

Yep she needs support but she isn’t technically addicted to any drugs so she won’t be given proper support to stop even while she’s pregnant

OP posts:
Cleanthatup · 08/01/2023 00:25

OP ignore the people who are making rude remarks! I can see both sides of this, I was crazy at 17 so I feel sorry for your friend. However; I was taken away from a mother just like this and put in care. Unfortunately more of her babies/children followed behind me! Your friend will probably go down the same route. I really wish that people like this just went and got the implant and saved wrecking the lives of innocent babies. She also needs a lot of help and unless she has someone who pushes and advocates for her it’s unlikely she will get it.

TooBigForMyBoots · 08/01/2023 00:27

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:24

She sent a picture of a positive pregnancy test to announce it

OMG it must be true.Shock

Anon6713 · 08/01/2023 00:40

TooBigForMyBoots · 08/01/2023 00:27

OMG it must be true.Shock

Why would she fake it?

OP posts:
BadNomad · 08/01/2023 00:51

You're saying a week of/after she had her baby taken from her, she met a new guy and got pregnant?