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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put tracking app on (daughter's) mobile

104 replies

Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 13:37

I'm asking for information and your experience with these. What is the name of a good app? How have you used them?

My daughter is off travelling soon for 6- 9 months approx. Going to Bangkok to start with, Vietnam and so on. She's mid- twenties 27? hard to remember. So yesterday I mentioned a tracker app, as a friend had suggested it to me, and she just laughed. Think I may be able to persuade her. You suggestions on how to convince her would be fab please. Why would she be likely to resent it? I can't imagine the issue with it.

Any info would be helpful. Many thanks.

OP posts:
BubziOwl · 07/01/2023 15:43

I've had my mum on Find my Friends since I was at uni. She'd often make (lighthearted) comments about how late I'd got back from nights out!! It didn't bother me one bit tbh. It made her feel better to know I'd got home, and it didn't impact me at all so I don't see a problem.

If she's happy to do it then great, but if she's not then there's nothing you can do about that really.

Sparklesocks · 07/01/2023 16:00

No. You need to find ways to deal with your anxiety that don’t impose on your daughter’s life.

TrickorTreacle · 07/01/2023 16:02

@Liz1tummypain - I know you mean well, but if you try to micro-manage DD27 (or any of your other DCs), it will push them away from you. The more you do it, the more it'll put them off you. The exception to this rule is if your DCs are under 16 and you want them to check-in with you every hour / day / x time if they're away for the day or on holiday or on a school trip.

IGiveUpalready · 07/01/2023 16:32

This sounds like someone trying to keep track of their partner and when it goes tits up will complain that "mumsnet said it was ok"

Nosecamera · 07/01/2023 16:37

Would you like is to share tales of the scary scrapes we got into as young women when travelling? You are no more her dad than I am.
Vietnam is a police state keen to encourage tourism and has has vast mobile network, she'll be reet.

sneezums · 07/01/2023 16:51

I really sympathise as I have a child doing this right now but he posts photos on Instagram every day or two / def wouldn't let me track him. But I do get a bit anxious if it's a long time since he was last on SM, but recognise it's my problem and I just have to suck it up and as they told me 'no news is good news' And you find you get used to it as the weeks roll on... it'll be fine

Moo82 · 07/01/2023 16:51

I was the daughter who went travelling in my twenties and had the mam who worried. At the time, there was a lot of women being taken/attacked in the location I was at (I vividly remember a call with my mam where she said it must be bad cos Trevor McDonald was there). It was before tracker apps would even have been an option but I promised a weekly call/text so she knew I was ok and to always respond to a missed call or text. My mam wasn't overpowering, clingy or any of those things. She was just being my mam. Talk about it honestly with your daughter so that she understands where you're coming from. I must admit, I agreed with several eye rolls but now I have a child of my own and my word I now know where she was coming from! My mam was really honest with me about why she needed that regular contact and that helped. I certainly didn't feel she was checking up or couldn't let go.

bluegreygreen · 07/01/2023 17:02

For me the worst bit of the OP is the request for 'suggestions on how to convince her' - more than the idea of the tracking app itself.

She's an adult - if she doesn't want a tracking app on her phone, she doesn't have one.

Bluetrews25 · 07/01/2023 17:08

A tracking app is not going to act like some magic talisman to keep her safe.
It can only let you know where her phone is, nothing more.
If something does go wrong, you cannot prevent it and will not find out until afterwards, so it sounds fairly pointless.
All it will do is feed your anxiety.

Hbh17 · 07/01/2023 17:16

She's 27! She wants to live her life, like we all do, and you do not need to know where she is all the time. I think adults tracking other adults is awful, but particularly if this is coming from a parent. Just, please, treat her with some respect.

niugboo · 07/01/2023 17:18

This is not a reasonable request and it won’t provide you any reassurance.

what’s it going to achieve? Tell you she’s in Bangkok? Does that tell you if she’s eating dinner? Or lying dead in a ditch. It tells you nothing. Anymore than if she’s here and you follow the tracker dot.

This will fuel anxiety and is honestly mildly creepy.

niugboo · 07/01/2023 17:19

She had also said no. Presumably because she can see how ludicrous this. Leave her alone.

WhiteArsenic · 07/01/2023 17:20

in my family we all have each other on find my friends and I find it a great help in all sorts of ways - seeing if someone has got home safely/landed from a flight/is nearly home so I should put the oven on, etc. we would never use it to control and it doesn’t limit anyone’s freedom in any way, we all find it useful. The technology is something that can be used or abused, like so many other things. It’s not inherently controlling any more than speech or locks are inherently controlling, although those things can be inappropriately used to control. My DDs have done a lot of travelling and I have always found the ability to see where they are very helpful to avoid anxiety. One currently lives abroad, and I like to be able to see her on a map, it makes me feel closer to her. If everyone is happy with sharing the information, what’s the problem? If someone doesn’t want to share this, of course they shouldn’t have to. - and someone could always turn it off if they wanted to. There’s no universal right or wrong here, surely?

Lorski · 07/01/2023 17:31

It’s not a tracker app as such but check out the Holly guard app. If activated in a dangerous situation their location is sent to you and the camera and video activates too (I believe) and are sent to you. And can be sent or used as evidence. I don’t know a lot about it but a friend posted about it yesterday.

PEARLJAM123 · 07/01/2023 17:33

You can't remember her age but want to know where she is at all times?!

PEARLJAM123 · 07/01/2023 17:34

Bluetrews25 · 07/01/2023 17:08

A tracking app is not going to act like some magic talisman to keep her safe.
It can only let you know where her phone is, nothing more.
If something does go wrong, you cannot prevent it and will not find out until afterwards, so it sounds fairly pointless.
All it will do is feed your anxiety.

I agree.

Spidey66 · 07/01/2023 17:39

I think it's fine, as long as she 100% agrees to it.

mrsbitaly · 07/01/2023 17:45

I think it's lovely you are concerned but it may be taking it a little too far having a tracker although you have the best intentions. I'm sure she doesn't want to feel like she is being tracked everywhere she goes, she is an adult and will need to be more responsible especially with drink. Make sure her contacts are absolutely clear for next of kin on her phone and that she is aware of who she can contact if she is in trouble and where local hospitals ect are. Maybe also a small book of contacts should she loose her phone. Have a chat and ask that she calls every 2-3 days to ease your concerns.

BellePeppa · 07/01/2023 17:45

It’s hard to remember how old your daughter is? That’s a new one - you could just do the sums from the year she was born, if you know it 😏

sgtmajormum · 07/01/2023 17:48

I was expecting you to say she was 18 not 27!!
Little bit OTT OP
I too would have laughed at my mother if she suggested a tracker app

SirGawain · 07/01/2023 17:48

Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 14:10

If you thought I'd sit and waste time posting idle questions that I'm not serious about all I can think of is that you must a lot of free time.

Show quote history

I meant you cannot be serious in even thinking that this is a good idea.

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 07/01/2023 17:53

I'm just trying to imagine a conversation with my mother, her suggesting I put a tracking app on my phone aged 27 (ish).....that would be a no from me!

bevelino · 07/01/2023 17:55

I have 4 dds in their early 20s. We have tracking on our phones, I never track them but they track me all the time lol.

ClubhouseGift · 07/01/2023 18:01

Of course YABU. She’s a grown adult and it’s none of your business where she is or what’s she up to.

It’s not up to her to placate your anxiety.

FedUpSoDone · 07/01/2023 18:02

Life360 is a good app, for children