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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put tracking app on (daughter's) mobile

104 replies

Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 13:37

I'm asking for information and your experience with these. What is the name of a good app? How have you used them?

My daughter is off travelling soon for 6- 9 months approx. Going to Bangkok to start with, Vietnam and so on. She's mid- twenties 27? hard to remember. So yesterday I mentioned a tracker app, as a friend had suggested it to me, and she just laughed. Think I may be able to persuade her. You suggestions on how to convince her would be fab please. Why would she be likely to resent it? I can't imagine the issue with it.

Any info would be helpful. Many thanks.

OP posts:
PaperwhiteTheGhost · 07/01/2023 14:03

rwalker · 07/01/2023 13:54

I think it a brilliant idea to set it up and let her manage it
so if there was reason she felt she needed it she could just enable it

the key thing is she’s in control of when she’s tracked
i know it kind of defeats to object but it’s a good compromise

Set it up and let her manage it!?
That's what you do for a 16 year old who's phone you still pay for. Not a 27(ish) year old adult!

If my mum suggested "letting" me manage something on my own phone that I pay for I would think she'd gone loopy.

Original poster
Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 14:06

@Biscuits1011 thanks Biscuit, that's a nice, level-headed post. Maybe I'll just talk it through with her. TBH I really don't know quite what I'd do with the information. This is really why I'm asking the question- I'm trying to find out how people use them,

About her age- yes she's 27. I think everytime we go into a new year I feel the need to think twice. My youngest is 19 and I'm fine with that . It's the ones in their twenties that I struggle with.

OP posts:
SirGawain · 07/01/2023 14:07

YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS ! ! !

Original poster
Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 14:10

SirGawain · 07/01/2023 14:07

YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS ! ! !

If you thought I'd sit and waste time posting idle questions that I'm not serious about all I can think of is that you must a lot of free time.

OP posts:
Wonnle · 07/01/2023 14:37

Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 13:43

She is an adult, indeed. She also has had problems with drink that have got her in quite a few pickles. I know Bangkok isn't the end of the earth and there are communications/ wifi in most places. I just feel it might reassure me if she doesn't respond to any messages for a number of days. She sometimes doesn't reply at the mo and I have learned to live with it. I suppose it's just something I've heard about so wanted to ask.

She's quite sensible I suppose. I don't know. Just seeking people's experiences as she's going to be on her own and I am a bit of a worrier.

What magazine/website are you researching for then ?

RedHelenB · 07/01/2023 14:38

Yabu

Guavafish1 · 07/01/2023 14:38

I think it's a good idea especially if she is travelling alone.

Of course she must agree to the suggestion first.

Original poster
Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 14:39

@Wonnle why do you think I am working for a magazine? I don't know what you are asking.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 07/01/2023 14:41

I was about to respond with info about the apps on my 10 and 14 yo phones but then I saw your daughter is an adult.

It's up to her.

somewhereovertherain · 07/01/2023 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BearPunter · 07/01/2023 14:45

autienotnaughty · 07/01/2023 13:43

My dd is currently travelling abroad she's on find my phone and Snapchat. I love being able to check where she is

My son lives overseas and has his ghost mode switched off on SnapChat most of the time so I can always see where he is on maps - having said that when he is home he often switches it off (which is more than fair enough!!) and I would never expect him to keep it on.

Yes, I'm probably being a bit stalkery but he's fully aware and happy with it - and as autie says it's lovely to be able to see where they are, especially when he's been travelling. I also like to be able to 'check in' without actually disturbing him.

Original poster
Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 14:49

BearPunter · 07/01/2023 14:45

My son lives overseas and has his ghost mode switched off on SnapChat most of the time so I can always see where he is on maps - having said that when he is home he often switches it off (which is more than fair enough!!) and I would never expect him to keep it on.

Yes, I'm probably being a bit stalkery but he's fully aware and happy with it - and as autie says it's lovely to be able to see where they are, especially when he's been travelling. I also like to be able to 'check in' without actually disturbing him.

Show quote history

@BearPunter hi thanks for this. (Seems odd to me how judgey and uppity some other posters get but hey-ho). So can I ask you please, what does it mean when you say you can "check in" on SnapChat? That;s just like a quick hello thing, is it?

OP posts:
rwalker · 07/01/2023 14:50

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 07/01/2023 14:03

Set it up and let her manage it!?
That's what you do for a 16 year old who's phone you still pay for. Not a 27(ish) year old adult!

If my mum suggested "letting" me manage something on my own phone that I pay for I would think she'd gone loopy.

Show quote history

it there as a back up thats all

no need for the arsey answer

BearPunter · 07/01/2023 14:54

In the sense that I can literally just see where he is - he went back yesterday and got home overnight (for us), I last spoke to him at the airport after he'd landed so this morning could see that he'd made it home!

Yes, I could have messaged him and asked but he was still asleep and no one wants to be woken up by their mum asking if they're ok!

I think it's a fine line when they reach adulthood - I'm in no way trying to control or watching him and he's perfectly happy knowing that I sometimes look at him on a map. I think if he (or I) became uncomfortable with it then we'd just not.

luckylavender · 07/01/2023 14:54

Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 13:43

She is an adult, indeed. She also has had problems with drink that have got her in quite a few pickles. I know Bangkok isn't the end of the earth and there are communications/ wifi in most places. I just feel it might reassure me if she doesn't respond to any messages for a number of days. She sometimes doesn't reply at the mo and I have learned to live with it. I suppose it's just something I've heard about so wanted to ask.

She's quite sensible I suppose. I don't know. Just seeking people's experiences as she's going to be on her own and I am a bit of a worrier.

Absolutely not. I have a child of similar age (although I know exactly) & I would never do that. I'm so glad my mother didn't have those tools when I was that age as boundaries have always been a problem.

Purplepuddle · 07/01/2023 14:55

If she wanted it then yes. However, when back packing there will be days of no signal, battery dying, smashed phones (then left I'm repair shop) etc etc. So what will you do on the days you can't track her? Panic? Get a flight? Call the police? Assume its nothing?

These devices don't always give reassurance!

MajesticWhine · 07/01/2023 14:55

I have 2 DDs in their early 20s. They are on "Find my" so I can see where they are and they can also see where I am. It's nice to see where they are to be honest, especially as one currently lives abroad. But they can disable it and it wouldn't even be mentioned. It's up to them.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 07/01/2023 14:58

This won't give you the reassurance you think it will.

What happens when her phone is out of signal, or her battery dies, or she inevitably drops it in a puddle or smashes it at a bar and you can't see anything for hours or even days at a time?

Original poster
Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 14:59

@ BearPunter, thanks for your posts. I understand the way you use it. Thank you.

I should have known posters would be adding inflamed comments on me letting her go. She is the most independent of my kids and has been living in London for the last 5 years, only coming back once every few months so I don't consider myself unable to let go in the least. Anyway thanks. I am definitely learning some useful info about all this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 15:01

MajesticWhine · 07/01/2023 14:55

I have 2 DDs in their early 20s. They are on "Find my" so I can see where they are and they can also see where I am. It's nice to see where they are to be honest, especially as one currently lives abroad. But they can disable it and it wouldn't even be mentioned. It's up to them.

Ok thanks for this. I think Find My phone is an iphone thing and my daughter has an android so I don't think we can use that one. Cheers anyway. Point taken re it being their choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Liz1tummypain · 07/01/2023 15:06

Purplepuddle · 07/01/2023 14:55

If she wanted it then yes. However, when back packing there will be days of no signal, battery dying, smashed phones (then left I'm repair shop) etc etc. So what will you do on the days you can't track her? Panic? Get a flight? Call the police? Assume its nothing?

These devices don't always give reassurance!

Yes I don't know what I'd do. You're right. This is why I'm asking the question. I'm learning a lot!

OP posts:
BearPunter · 07/01/2023 15:06

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 07/01/2023 14:58

This won't give you the reassurance you think it will.

What happens when her phone is out of signal, or her battery dies, or she inevitably drops it in a puddle or smashes it at a bar and you can't see anything for hours or even days at a time?

I think this is a good point if you're coming at it from a position of being anxious anyway - the twice my son has lost his phone (🙄) I have kind of been pre-warned in that he wasn't active for a while which was unlike him. I didn't worry too much about it because essentially he's an adult who is 5000 miles away. Both times he contacted me by other means anyway and let me know - mostly to moan about it, not that I could do much to assist!

I can imagine if you are anxious/worried (and to be fair I was when he first moved away) then it could feed into that? Perhaps something to be mindful of.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/01/2023 15:14

Bloody hell, I come from the days when travelling meant letters sent to a post office and occasional phone calls home.

I think it's possible to be in too much contact. Besides if anything happens (a) you'll be too far away to do anything and (b) someone will tell you soon enough.

Rather than some tracking app, just ask her to update you on her location, to check in with you once in awhile and to let you know if she'll be unreachable at any point. Then let go...

Oher · 07/01/2023 15:19

Truth is OP she’s in as much danger in London/Liverpool/Manchester / an English park or rural country lane at night, as she is in Bangkok. I’ve travelled extensively including Middle East, Asia and Africa, but all of my dangerous situations have taken place in Britain. ☹️

A tracking app won’t help with your anxiety, and asking will just drive you further apart. No one likes to feel monitored.

What if the app shows you something that you misunderstand and find concerning, eg she spends a few nights at a beach campsite you don’t know is there and you think she’s been left for dead on the beach? You don’t need an app, you need an email address she replies to every few days, or access to social media that she updates often, like Instagram or Facebook. Phone conversations will be expensive and tricky with time difference but there is no reason she can’t update you.

Oher · 07/01/2023 15:20

Also what if her phone gets stolen 😬