To be pissed off about waking partner up for dinner

[Wnfatt22]

Genuinely would like to know if this would piss other people off if I’m being an arse!

We mostly put our toddler to bed together (he goes to sleep in our bed and we lay with him until he falls to sleep). More often than not my other half falls asleep too.. which wouldn’t bother me but I’ll often go down and make or finish dinner for us both after toddler is asleep. I then have to go up and wake up my other half about 3 or 4 times, ultimately getting annoyed at him after he hasn’t got up the first or second time, to come down for dinner.

I told him tonight (and a couple of times before) that it pisses me off having to keep going to wake him up so he can eat dinner that I’ve made and if he just said he wasn’t bothered/wasn’t hungry/was too tired that’d be fine but that’s never the case. He always says yes he wants dinner- so I make it for us both, but he doesn’t get it. On a couple of occasions I’ve just not bothered waking him up and left his in the oven or whatever but it annoys the shit out of me.

Just for the record I totally take over the meal planning/making in the house and that’s how I like it as it gives me a chance to have a break from the toddler while the other half spends time with him.

Should I just leave him to it if he falls asleep and not get irritated or try and drill into him how annoying it is and he should get the F up the first time I wake him up!?

You both lay in bed to get a toddler to sleep? that's absurd.
I'd leave him be and cook for myself.

I would fall asleep doing that

No I have no answer that would be suitable

I'd just tell him that you're not going to wake him anymore and if he wants the food he needs to get himself downstairs. Then leave him to it. He's doing it because he knows you'll wake him.

You need to sort the toddler sleep out.

Why do you both need to lie down with your toddler? Can you not take turns?

I think you aren't happy with this arrangement so you should change it. It struck me that if he is not waking up easily, he must be tired. Anyway, I could think of a few different ways you could change this arrangement yourself. For ex., let him sleep and put his dinner in the fridge, move dinnertime to an earlier hour before you put the child to bed, etc. I'd pick the solution I liked best and inform him of it. Good luck.

DH and I would have never eaten if we'd had that arrangement. we'd have been asleep.

Do you both need to put toddler to sleep? or all eat tea together ? that way if you fall asleep it doesn't matter.

Why don't you all eat dinner together with the toddler? It models good eating behaviours.

Then if you or DH are tired you can sleep afterwards! Win-win.

Don't wake him up.

why do you both need to lay down with toddler?!

leave him to it if he falls asleep, why would you care about him eating his dinner unless he insists on you waiting to eat with him

Sorry, but the way you're putting your son to sleep is just ridiculous. You're just making it harder all the way around.

I then have to go up and wake up my other half about 3 or 4 times, ultimately getting annoyed at him after he hasn’t got up the first or second time, to come down for dinner.

You don’t have to though, you’re choosing to. He’s a grown man, just leave him.
Honestly it seems insane that you both lie in bed to get your toddler to sleep, you should really start alternating.

Sorry but you need to stop going to sleep with the toddler. Work on them going down by themselves or it just gets worse

in the meantime I would tell him you are going to wake him once. If he doesn’t come for his food it won’t be kept warm and he can reheat

Sounds like he isn’t a napper, which is a shame. I can’t nap either, if I fall asleep I’m out for hours, whereas my OH can have 20 or 30 minutes and be wide awake and hungry. If I’m woken before I’m ready I just feel groggy and grumpy!

Don’t know the answer to your problem, you’re probably both being reasonable and unreasonable here. I’d be inclined to not cook for him, or leave something in the fridge for him to have or not have if he wakes up later.

Does he wake up later? Or once asleep is he asleep until morning? Do you get less sleep than him and is it this that’s actually making you resentful, rather than the waste of your food and efforts?

Why are you both lying down with your toddler? Why isn't he in his own bed?

It sounds like you needed to get that off your chest.

How about you transition your toddler into a single bed in his room and add a chair. I would start with sitting on the single bed, then move further away every evening and then end up sitting on the chair in the room. Just explain what's happening to him. Your husband will be a lot less likely to fall asleep. Problem solved.

Eat all together then alternate who does bedtime.

I would tell him you are doing to dinner and if he doesn’t came down then leave his food either in the oven or the fridge, depending what it is. Then enjoy your meal and just relax.

Have dinner with your toddler, then at bed time why don't you both do story time with him/her together and then one leave.

This would piss me off. My partner works nights and is due to leave for work in about 20 minutes. He went to lie down earlier and asked me to wake him up at 10.30, I did. I kid you not it takes me a good 5 minutes to wake him up and then he complains he's tired and going back to sleep. And will go into work a bit later. No problem. But he does this EVERY night. It is so annoying. I tell him to set his own bloody alarm but even when he does it doesn't wake him up 🙄 then In the morning complains he got into work late and will go in earlier tonight! Then the same happens. So annoying!

You BOTH lie with your child until he goes to sleep? That is a very odd parenting choice and I'd be more fucked off with the massive rod I had made for my own back than dinner organisation.

You should really consider the way you both have to settle your child to sleep every night. What happens if one of you isn’t there? The following is an extreme example, but my best friend missed her own hen night because her 8-year old son had never gone to sleep without her putting him to bed, and worked himself into a frenzy when the babysitter arrived. Only after that did she embarrassedly have to address the issue and it was much harder to change an 8-year old’s bedtime habits than if he’d been a baby or toddler.

Thanks for the responses. I think I’ll just put our son to bed on my own from now on in order to avoid it! He’s only very young so eats at 6pm and other half doesn’t get home till 6.30ish so eating all together isn’t an option (I wouldn’t want to eat this early anyway), but plan to move his mealtimes slightly later in the future so that we can do this.

I know I can be a bit uptight sometimes so wanted to get some outside perspective before making it an issue. Thanks!!

Just to add the putting him to bed together isn’t a parenting decision we made, we just sort of enjoy the time together and often do it this way… it wouldn’t be as issue if not for the dinner problem! That said, if my other half tries to do it alone our little one is quite unsettled without me, so we should probably work on that

So ds is a toddler not a baby? Yes I would be working on the bedtime routine in his bed etc asap.
As for the meals if my dh chose to go to sleep with the toddler each night I would find it odd, leave him too it and enjoy food and netflix alone! He's a grown man why are you repeatedly waking him up to eat when you want him to? For me if he chose to sleep with the toddler in our bed each night that would not enhance our relationship at all!