To be pissed off about waking partner up for dinner

[Wnfatt22]

Genuinely would like to know if this would piss other people off if I’m being an arse!

We mostly put our toddler to bed together (he goes to sleep in our bed and we lay with him until he falls to sleep). More often than not my other half falls asleep too.. which wouldn’t bother me but I’ll often go down and make or finish dinner for us both after toddler is asleep. I then have to go up and wake up my other half about 3 or 4 times, ultimately getting annoyed at him after he hasn’t got up the first or second time, to come down for dinner.

I told him tonight (and a couple of times before) that it pisses me off having to keep going to wake him up so he can eat dinner that I’ve made and if he just said he wasn’t bothered/wasn’t hungry/was too tired that’d be fine but that’s never the case. He always says yes he wants dinner- so I make it for us both, but he doesn’t get it. On a couple of occasions I’ve just not bothered waking him up and left his in the oven or whatever but it annoys the shit out of me.

Just for the record I totally take over the meal planning/making in the house and that’s how I like it as it gives me a chance to have a break from the toddler while the other half spends time with him.

Should I just leave him to it if he falls asleep and not get irritated or try and drill into him how annoying it is and he should get the F up the first time I wake him up!?

Haha yes I think I did 🤣 appreciate the replies. It really wasn’t about the bedtime routine,
just about having to wake the adult up multiple times afterwards. I think I’m being unreasonable!

It really wasn’t about the bedtime routine

No, it actually is. You are forming terrible habits with your child, and getting upset that your partner is falling asleep when that's exactly what is going to happen when you go to bed with your child.

I think you should all eat together a bit later or you eat with Ds and let husband warm his up when he gets in. Then eat all together on weekend nights. It’s a bit sad for ds to be eating alone every night surely?

Eating at 6 pm is very good for you!

Falling asleep with your Ds is the natural consequence of all lying down together I’d have thought?

Can't bloody win on this thing. Get your baby to sleep anyway you can but also don't do what works.

Honestly OP, YANBU if he can't wake his own arse up for tea, I wouldn't be doing it. If he does wake up and it's cold, that's his problem not yours.

How is lying down with your kid to help them get to sleep a terrible habit? Honestly, this website. I know very few toddlers who just go to sleep on their own, they all have someone lying down or patting or rocking or feeding or whatever.

I’d be pissed off too, OP, but I’d stop waking him and just enjoy eating dinner alone with some peace and quiet.

Don't make dinner next time. Take yourself out for dinner and he can make himself toast when he wakes up.

I'd be annoyed if I cooked dinner and someone slept through it as well.

Thank you.

I didn’t post to get bashed on my parenting choices, although realise there are some judgemental folk who can’t help themselves on here. He’s not even two yet and we also co-sleep.. shoot me 🤷🏼‍♀️

To be fair when ours were little we used to take turns to kay down with them and often one if us fell asleep ( but we had eaten before usually) so we often just left the other one ( nice double bed to yourself for a bit)
Each to their own on bed time routine and by 4/5 both slept in their own in bed , taken up and left , but loved those toddler years of book and sometimes falling asleep with them , we can all parent differently . As long as it suits you and your family
If I were you I would just tell hiim I would wake him once if he doesn't come down then dinner will just go in the fridge and he can eat it later or the next night
If he is hungry enough he will wake up

Your parenting is absolutely entirely up to you, but it is very unusual for both parents to troop upstairs and get into bed with their child in order to make them sleep. If I was lying down on a bed at 6 every evening I'd fall asleep too. Don't wake him, co sleep till the little prince is 12, do whatever you like. But don't post odd statements and expect it to fly under the radar to support your argument.

He hasn't asked you to wake him up for dinner so just leave him to it.

No OP, if you are going to put toddler to sleep from now on then the Dad needs to prepare the dinner. Why would it be ok for you to deal with toddler then deal with dinner whilst he sits watching the telly?

What a palaver. Why would you all go to bed with a toddler? It makes sense get them into a bedtime routine that doesn't involve the whole family pretending to go to bed.

If it were me I'd eat dinner with my child and then let partner sort his own dinner out. It is nice to have time together with partner in the evening but it doesn't sound like this is happening for you anyway.

You need to find what works best for you though. Your current situation would drive me mad and I'd have to change it. Dinner with child, dad comes home and puts child to bed then falls asleep, I go and watch TV in peace with a cuppa and a cake!

What time are you eating dinner at the moment? 6 doesn't sound early to me but we are all different.

Can't you all eat together at 6.30? The routine you're currently doing clearly isn't working

OP, please, please don’t listen to any of the unsolicited advice regarding your little one’s bedtime routine.
We lay with our toddler to get him to sleep, have no problem with it, in fact we like it. The “rod for your own back” brigade come out whenever someone doesn’t have a baby sleeping in their own room from six months. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing.

My partner lays with our 5 year old at bedtime (haters gonna hate) and does fall asleep sometimes but it ends up being a waste of an evening so he doesn't actually want to do this. I will pop my head in if I'm passing but if he falls back asleep again thats his problem.

I really like family meal time and all eating together but I'm not fussed if another adult isn't hungry the exact time food is ready. I AM fussed about missing a whole evening of being with my partner though.

I'd suggest that this is probably something that isn't worth getting so angry over really. It feels like you are interpreting your husband's behaviour as disrespecting of you when it isn't. It actually is probably that when he falls asleep with your child he is entering a deep sleep part of the cycle just as you are ready with dinner and people at that point are very hard to rouse.

If it isn't working for you and you can't stop getting angry then change the bedtime arrangements and have a think about whether there is something else that is the real issue hiding in the shadows.

On the sleeping in with your child point, Dh and I still take turns helping our DC2 (10yo) to get to sleep - he has gone through phases over time and is currently in a 'too anxious to go to sleep because he's scared of being alone' one. He is autistic tbf. I view it as a facet of our lives that will eventually be gone, so try to enjoy it while it's happening.

Having two people do the routine is mad though, it doesn't need both parents!

You both lie down with the child until he/she falls asleep? That's ridiculous. Can't you have your dinner before the baby goes to bed, and all eat together like a proper family?

Nothing wrong with lying down with your toddler to go to sleep. I do the same, he sleeps within 10 minutes and sleeps through the night and it works for our family.

But yabu getting annoyed at having to wake your partner up. I'd just leave him to it, eat my dinner, enjoy my evening and shove his dinner in the fridge for later / tomorrow.

It doesn't need both of you laying down. One of you does the bedtime and one sorts food.

If he falls asleep, give one chance then leave him be, he'll wake up when he's hungry (partner I mean). Or he could sit up so as to not fall asleep.

I agree it’s your bedtime routine causing the issues. It’s hardly surprising that a parent is so sleep deprived by toddlerhood that putting the child to bed in your adult bed is going to result in falling asleep too. Your DH is closer to the average imho. You being able to pop up like a daisy, cook and want a full dinner late in the evening is what is unusual.

I think you really should have the toddler meal time moved to 6:30 when your DH gets in from work and all eat together. Toddler bedtime can be moved to 8pm. And you can take turns getting toddler to sleep in his own bed….not your bed.

What you have been doing worked for a baby, you do need to make changes though in preparation for the toddler becoming nursery age and then school age. The bedtime routine with DC isn’t a yay we’ve solved it and now must keep doing it for-ev-er, it’s a rolling target so you always have to change and adapt it as they grow.

OP it sounds as though your bedtime routine is precious family time. As you say, you all enjoy it and I bet your DS feels loved and secure. Don't let others on this thread make you feel bad about that. And your routine is completely understandable.

I wouldn't be mad at your DH for falling asleep, I'd probably do that too!

Oh good grief, op you are NOT forming bad habits or anything of the sort! This is exactly how we put our 5yo to bed when he was a baby/toddler and he's now in his own room, bedtime is a maximum of 10 minutes and he sleeps 12 hours. I have lovely memories of us snuggling up together and there is no lasting damage! In fact I can't remember the last time he came in our bed. There is nothing wrong with cuddling and comforting small children, especially at bedtime. In fact lots of my friends with kids the same age struggle still with bedtime and I'm sure the fact we've never made it a battle has helped us hugely in the long term.

I think I’d just leave his plate in the oven so that he can help himself when we wakes up and gets hungry. But if this happens all the time and interferes with your couples time, I’d ask him for an occasional meal together and I’d expect him to make the effort to not sleep on the agreed dinner together nights.