Do you Drive?

[Aquarius1234]

AIBU to be annoyed when a random stranger asks this question??
Wtf.

For online dating? Totally valid question because you could be one of those non driver CFers who expects chauffeuring around.
You may not be a CFer non driver but your lack of ability to get around may mean you'd have to go by bus schedules all the time or your date will need to drive you home if you can't stay out late, after the last bus (or they'd feel guilty that you need to pay an expensive taxi or Uber).
Driving is not essential but given the choice, I would prefer my partner able to drive.

What's CF ?

Mumsnet acronym for Cheeky Fucker.

If it's OLD I'd guess it's all about logistical expectations as @MugginsOverEre suggests.

Thx @Aquarius1234 I never would have guessed online dating. But after reading some of the comments here I can see why some people would ask.

You could reply with: ‘why do you ask.’ Then respond to whatever issue that they have concerns about.

Yes I have asked why after saying that I do drive.
It's almost as bad as someone asking why you are single.

After reading your updates OP YABU. It's a fair question as I would definitely think twice about dating a non driver.

'Can you' may be seen as less threatening small talk.

Gosh. So you experience the question 'Do you drive?' from someone you're messaging on an OLD site as threatening?

What's going on with you? Sounds as if this is the absolute wrong kind of time to be on OLD.

I don’t drive. I don’t mind people asking me if I do, but it does irritate me when they then proceed to question why I don’t. I have epilepsy.

Imustlearntocook - do you drive well?

So a sort of stranger, but not a completely random one, it is someone that is trying to find out a little about you as is the norm. I think it is quite a reasonable question, I have many a time seen posters say they would not date someone that doesn’t drive.

Maybe you should take a break from OLD if "do you drive?" is considered threatening small talk OP. It's a totally valid question, no one wants to end up playing chauffeur/taxi.

I disagree. I think it's a valid question. I hides lots of meaningful info.
I love driving and it gives me freedom to go where I want when I want. I probably wouldn't date someone who didn't drive. It may restrict travelling, meeting up, planning more rather than just jumping in the car and meeting somewhere. Some non drivers are because of anxiety. Some are because their coordination skills aren't quite enough to manage the complexity of learning to drive. It can, not always, tell you quite a lot about someone.

Round here it's a reasonable question for any logistical planning. It's not a question of "preferring trains" so much as "preferring trains and a 10 mile walk at either end, probably without pavements and quite possibly involving mud", which is pretty inconvenient for most dating experiences.

"Do you drive?" is also a very different question from "can you drive?" - many people can drive but, for whatever reason, no longer choose to have a car, and in cities with decent public transport, that's a perfectly logical choice.

No one I’ve ever encountered has asked ‘Do you drive?’ completely out of the blue as small talk. If they’ve asked, it’s because transport is being discussed in some way. I can’t imagine being annoyed (& I was a non-driver for a large chunk of my adult life).

Oh, it’s OLD. Fair enough. I think it’s probably just a logistics question, no? Why do you care?

Perfectly reasonable - it helps in the short term when suggesting venues for dates, if they need to be on a bus route; but longer term, it's an attribute that a lot of people would want in a partner - to see if they can share the same level of independence and/or might end up wanting lifts everywhere.

No different really from asking what your job is, if you live alone/with parents, if you have kids, if you eat meat, if you're religious - all things that may or may not mean that you definitely wouldn't be compatible.

If a potential match is a passionate vegan and you're a committed weekly diner at your local steak house, it's much easier and saves wasting time for everybody involved if you can just say "Well, nice to have spoken to you - all the best" and then both move on to the next person.

Not sure I’ve ever been asked. (Of course I do.)

What does irritate me a bit is people saying, ‘I don’t drive’ when they mean they can’t, not that they can, but choose not to.
Especially when any of the above expect lifts as of right.

No I don't drive. Tried to learn but couldn't grasp it and over time lost my confidence.

I really really regret it. Sadly I think it's probably too late now I'm approaching 40.

So, not a “random” stranger at all. It is somebody you have specifically connected with via OLD.

I wouldnt date someone who cant drive so it seems a reasonable question to me.

Now you've added in that it was on OLD, YABU.

Isn't that what happens when you start messaging someone? You start getting to know them ?

It's the shittest question ever and offensive even. Yes I can drive, what's your point?

It really isn't.
Polite conversation is often advised to steer away from Politics, money and religion, but whether you drive or not is seen as pretty innocuous and inoffensive by most people.

What an odd thing to take offense at.

Interesting. Whenever I've been asked this i reply truthfully that I can but don't. No one has ever not wanted to date me or stopped being my friend because of it. Why would they? I never ask for lifts (make a point of refusing in fact, other than from DP and DC for whom i do other favours that more than compensate) and get myself reliably and fuss free to anywhere I or my companions wish to go. So, while not an offensive question, it seems an irrelevant one.

In fairness it would be a deal breaker for me, not point in carrying on the chat if the other person cant drive.

Seems a perfectly reasonable question as it's very useful to know when making plans to go somewhere..