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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that I turn out to be Plan B or possibly C?

55 replies

pattihews · 05/01/2023 23:11

There's someone I've known and admired from a distance for years. I bumped into them at an event last year and we had a pleasant chat, so I was delighted today to receive a warm personal invitation to celebrate their big birthday in a month's time. They've rented a beautiful house on the coast with bedrooms in a converted barn and a hot tub. A weekend of events, dancing and good food is planned. They'd love it if I'd come along.

Sounds wonderful, I said, can't think of anything I'd like more.

They've just sent me a pdf that outlines the venue and the event and asks me to send payment of £60 to cover two nights accommodation and food immediately. There is some small print attached that indicates that full payment for the venue is due tomorrow. I'm Plan B, aren't I? Or even Plan C or D or E or bloody Z. They've had a few Plan A people cancel or decline the invitation and they've gone through their contacts list looking for outliers who'll pay the deposit and enable the plan to go ahead and at the 11th hour they thought they might as well invite me.

AIBU to feel a teensy bit gutted?

OP posts:
Ninjapot · 05/01/2023 23:13

If you fancy it go, that's a good price for a fun time. However, based on threads here - before you pay find out exactly what you are booking. What sort of room? Will you be expected to share? En suite or shared? :-)

Feliciacat · 05/01/2023 23:17

Hmm. If it’s an intimate event then they wouldn’t just invite anyone. You clearly like this person and they do like you. I think you probably were a plan B but not for nasty reasons; they maybe could only invite a certain number and that’s why you weren’t initially invited.

Maybe I’m being too optimistic but if it were me, I’d go along and try to shine and hopefully get closer with people; it’s an opportunity. I also don’t think it’s much of a slight to be plan B; they still invited you in the end and only didn’t invite you initially due to logistics.

Original poster
pattihews · 05/01/2023 23:18

Oh, I'm going — it will be a lovely cheap break at a grim time of year. But my enthusiasm has been dented, I have to say.

OP posts:
Feliciacat · 05/01/2023 23:23

Ah ok, I’m glad you’re going. I can see why you’d be deflated, I didn’t mean to invalidate that.

Do you know any other people who are going? If you only really know the host (and then only from afar) then I’d say being plan B is to be expected currently. It may help to think logically like that? It’s not a poor reflection on you or on how much the host likes you; it just is. If you go to the event then you may naturally become plan A for the future.

Ringading123 · 05/01/2023 23:25

How much is it in total? Are you sure it won't end up being massively expensive?
If many people have dropped out, will you even know those who end up going if the main host is now going through list asking lots of plan c, d, xx etc?
I wouldn't go but as long as you're comfortable with it then go for it.

Original poster
pattihews · 05/01/2023 23:26

What an excellent way of seeing it, @Feliciacat . Thank you. All I could imagine was my host combing through all his contacts, trying different people, and as the deadline approached sighing to himself and inviting me and a couple of other people in desperation.

But as you say, this is an opportunity to impress and join the A List. No pressure!

OP posts:
BigHeadBertha · 05/01/2023 23:31

I get it. I mean, wouldn't we all rather be first choice (even if it's someone we may not really know well enough to expect to be?)

However, as has been mentioned, they did like you enough to keep you in mind and this is a good chance to become closer, as you wanted. Have fun!

Original poster
pattihews · 05/01/2023 23:31

Ringading123 · 05/01/2023 23:25

How much is it in total? Are you sure it won't end up being massively expensive?
If many people have dropped out, will you even know those who end up going if the main host is now going through list asking lots of plan c, d, xx etc?
I wouldn't go but as long as you're comfortable with it then go for it.

Only £60 for two nights accommodation and food. I imagine we'll eat out a couple of times which obviously we'll have to pay for. It's in a beautiful part of the world only a couple of hours from where I live so it's not going to break the bank.

Suddenly thought that I might be expected to share a twin room. What the hell. I'll take earplugs in case I'm twinned with a snorer and I have some fancy new PJs, so I'll be fine. It'll be an adventure.

OP posts:
karmalama · 05/01/2023 23:36

I actually would decline.
The last few books I've read have all started like this then the guests get picked off and murdered one by one, sounds very dodgy 😜

But seriously yes, I would be a bit aargh about possibly being in the second round of invites but end of the day you made the cut, go and have a fab time.

Feliciacat · 05/01/2023 23:36

I’m so glad you’re feeling more positive! It was a shame to hear that you’d been so excited to be invited and then came crashing down. You should definitely let us know how it goes xx

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/01/2023 23:38

Well, either go and maybe you'll meet a better Plan A.

Or just decline.

Demanding payment tomorrow does suggest that someone else has dropped out.

Chickenkeev · 05/01/2023 23:44

I'm a chronic overthinker but i reckon you're really overthinking this. Just go, have a great time and try not to overthink in future. You'll have a great time if you let go and forget invites and circumstances etc. Think about it, so many people don't get invited to anything, ever! Go, have fun and dump the self doubt for the holiday. You'll feel great when you come back. Hope you have a great time!

bellsbuss · 05/01/2023 23:48

For the sake of £60 I wouldn't invite someone unless I really wanted them there

whynotwhatknot · 05/01/2023 23:55

if someone invited me i wouldnt think i was being charged for it-yes 60 is good but not really the point

Roundabout78 · 06/01/2023 00:01

Agreed with PPs. It’s possible you were plan B but for practical reasons and not in a nasty way. it sounds like the host genuinely wants you there.
Im glad you’re going and I hope you have a lovely time. My idea of a perfect weekend, and £60 is a bargain 😊

JudgeRudy · 06/01/2023 00:01

I'm inclined to agree. I joined a mini break at short notice in place of someone else. It was nice to feel that I was someone that they dared introduce to others. I've some friends who as much as I like them would prefer to keep 1 on 1

Branleuse · 06/01/2023 00:07

Youre being unkind to yourself.
Some of these things with a limited number of people are always going to have people that they would bloody love to be there, but cant have everyone. This other persons loss is your gain. Thats brill you could nab the spot.
They didnt pluck you off the street out of nowhere.

Chilesstanton · 06/01/2023 00:31

Are you sure the 60 quid isn’t just a deposit? Seems to good to be true! But yes it’s good you’re going. No doubt next time you’ll be on the A list!

WinterFoxes · 06/01/2023 00:37

So what if you are? Some of the best things in my life have happened because I accepted being Plan B and sai yes.

Original poster
pattihews · 06/01/2023 09:51

Thank you for all the positivity. I've paid my money and I'm going and really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
ShirleywasaLady · 06/01/2023 14:25

karmalama · 05/01/2023 23:36

I actually would decline.
The last few books I've read have all started like this then the guests get picked off and murdered one by one, sounds very dodgy 😜

But seriously yes, I would be a bit aargh about possibly being in the second round of invites but end of the day you made the cut, go and have a fab time.

Yes, did the invitation come in the form of a complex puzzle box? Are there going to be people there you haven't seen for 30 years and you're not really sure why you're all being brought together?

thecatsthecats · 06/01/2023 14:28

I've been a Plan B before, because I wasn't very close to the person in question at the time. Then a spot opened up, and they invited me along.

It was loads of fun (much more fun than I had with older and closer friends just before).

These days, there's been some drifting apart in the group, and I'm closer to some people than their older friends.

Stop worrying about being ranked on the past, and think about how this is a chance to get a deeper relationship with someone who you admire.

CarPoor · 06/01/2023 14:36

You might be plan B but it abounds like you have never been close friends? Honestly I'd be pleased they thought of me

Possibly yes you are in the second round of invites but there's limited space in a house. The host obviously wants you there and sounds like they too want to make better friends with you. It sounds great!

starfishmummy · 06/01/2023 15:04

pattihews · 06/01/2023 09:51

Thank you for all the positivity. I've paid my money and I'm going and really looking forward to it.

You do realise that you are now obligated to keep us informed about how it goes.

ScandiSquirrel · 06/01/2023 15:38

They wouldn’t have invited you if they didn’t want you there, no matter if you’re plan B or Z.

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