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Original poster

Can I ask if anyone has kids 9 years apart, what’s it like?

89 replies

adayinparis · 05/01/2023 15:38

Hi all

Posting here for traffic. Im pregnant after a long battle with secondary infertility. It took us five years to conceive, so this baby is a miracle. 💫 I am very curious to think about what it’s like to have two kids with a 9 year age gap. We have one son who is 8 and baby is a girl.

Im an only child so don’t really know what it’s like to have a sibling. What’s it like to have two kids 9 years apart? Any older boy/younger girl combinations?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 05/01/2023 20:32

Another thing for my sister was that I was allowed much more freedom (obviously times had moved on considerably and may not be so similar in the next few years) but I was able to go out, go further and come in much later than she ever was.

That didn't go down so well!

eurochick · 05/01/2023 20:51

My mum has this age gap with her brother. She has said it was difficult. They were always at different stages and didn't spend a lot of time together. Reading between the lines, I think the little brother became the golden child. My mum left home the minute she could and her relationship with her parents was never great. It had such an impact on her that when she struggled to have another baby after me she stopped ttc when I was 8 so I am an only.

So please don't make the mistake my grandparents did and lavish all your attention on the new baby!

whoyougonnacallGOATSBUTTER · 05/01/2023 20:54

I read the title as if anyone has 9 kids years apart 😳

Face2facet · 05/01/2023 20:55

The youngest in our family is a bigger age gap than yours and is utterly adored by his siblings. Its so nice having so many more people loving them than just their parents. And a toddler melts a teenager’s strops like nothing else.

maybein2022 · 05/01/2023 20:57

I have a 13 year old, a ten year old and a 3 month old who was not planned but very much wanted and loved. It has so far been amazing. Good luck OP.

LunaRegis · 05/01/2023 21:04

I had a sister who was 10 years younger than me. We laughed til we couldn’t breath, I loved her more than life it self & would’ve killed for her, I’d never felt like that about anyone before. Then she suddenly turned against me, & I’ve no idea why. My mother said that she was jealous of me.

TheOrigRights · 05/01/2023 21:12

10 years between my 2 sons (now 13 and 23). For DS2 it's a bit like being an only child. DS1 experienced sibling life more. It's great. I love having my adult son and my horrid teenager.
I do feel a bit like I've been raising kids for ever. It's mostly just me and DS2 now (lone parent) and we are close.
I have a large family so they have lots of cousins.
It's worked well for me being on my own a working full time. I can leave DS2 home alone quite a bit now so I can get out in the evening and not be with a teenage boy!

steff13 · 05/01/2023 21:17

M23 M21 and F12 here. They sort of ignored her when she was a baby; they didn't have any animosity towards her, but they weren't dying to hold her or feed her or anything either. Since she was a toddler, though, they've enjoyed playing with her, they're protective of her, and they in general have really good relationships.

Maray1967 · 05/01/2023 21:18

Almost 8 year gap between my 2, now in the 20s and teens.
Easy at first - no jealousy issues, and older one was happy to help by fetching nappies etc. We just carted the baby around on holiday and I’d mind him while DH and DS1 did activities. Swimming was something we could do together. We liked Go Ape where there was a play area for DS2. Alton towers was good for a treat as well. We’ve done Disney Paris- with younger one in pushchair, going on the kiddy rides & activities and getting ready for sleep time , pyjamas on and milk, while in pushchair and then reclined off to sleep while 12 year old watched fireworks. We did plenty of country walks with DS2 in a carrier. Cinema treats often involved seeing two different films at roughly the same time …

Harder when DS1 was a teen and found Ds2 annoying, but that didn’t last too long.
Worked out fine overall - no regrets!

Member869894 · 05/01/2023 21:21

My sister is 9 years older than me and we have always got on in brilliantly.when she left home at 18 I was bereft and only then did my mother realise that she did everything for me.i couldnt tie my shoelaces etc because she had always done it for me

Zoflorabore · 05/01/2023 21:27

There is 9 years between my brother and I and I have an 8 year gap with my 2dc.

i was 9 when my brother was born. I don’t recall too much about it because he was a clingy baby and we weren’t close at the time. Now as adults we are close and the age gap is nothing, I’m 45 this month and he’s 36 and has his life far more together than I ever will!

with my own two it has been up and down to be honest. They’re now 19 and 11 and get on pretty well, ds is the eldest and has left home for university so they get on even better now!

what I found hard when they were little was finding something to do to entertain them both and apart from swimming it was impossible really and we tended to split up and do things with them separately which worked for us. As they got older it became much easier and continued to be that way. They do argue sometimes but love each other fiercely. It’s not what I would have chose age gap wise but it is what it is. You just make it work 😊

toomuchchocolateconsumed · 05/01/2023 21:36

So I'm an only child and also have a 9 year age difference between both my boys. Youngest is now 6.
Big age gap due to complications getting pregnant.
I thought it would be fine having a big age difference, thinking they wouldn't argue - boy how wrong was I! They still argue like cat and dog, however alongside that, they love one another deeply. Oldest teaches the youngest so much, he takes him to the shops, helps with reading, loved teaching/helping with Lego. It's very nice to watch when they are getting on.
I wish the age gap wasn't as big as it is but there are also huge advantages. We can leave youngest at home with the oldest whilst we shop!

EllieM27 · 05/01/2023 21:37

My brother is 11 years older than I am. The biggest issue is that he was an only child for most of his childhood and he really resented me existing (and still does sometimes I think, though he’d never admit it). My parents overcompensated on making him feel like he was still important, the firstborn, the #1, so as a result I really became a second-class citizen. They also strongly pushed for him to have a sense of ownership over me, that I was HIS little sister, so for a long time he was also quite controlling in terms of dictating to me what I liked or disliked and even what my personality was like. It was bizarre and not healthy.

So my biggest suggestion would just be to not overcompensate. Make sure he still gets 1:1 time with you guys, but also be watchful for him developing any kind of resentment towards his sister or a feeling that he is somehow “above” or “better” or “more important” than she is. My parents thought they were doing the right thing but it didn’t turn out that way!

shivawn · 05/01/2023 21:39

My sister and I have an 8 year age gap and have always gotten on very well, as kids and adults.

HairyToity · 05/01/2023 21:40

My brothers are nine years apart. I'm the middle child. Never been an issue. As adults they get on well.

Zoflorabore · 05/01/2023 21:46

Just to add that mine are a boy and girl. Boy is 19 and girl is 11. Soon they will be 12 and 20 within 2 weeks. I see it only getting easier from now!

Ponoka7 · 05/01/2023 21:47

My DD's have that age gap (thanks to loss, secondary infertility). My eldest wanted a sibling so was happy when she came along. During the teen years when my eldest took offence with us, she still cuddled her little sister. She took my middle DD to her first concert/nights out/festival/Amsterdam trip. My eldest didn't want children but is like a second Mother to my middle DD's children. There was some boundary issues, but they've been sorted out. They are closer than a lot of siblings who have a small age gap.

MrsKrankyPants · 05/01/2023 21:54

8y here and they are fine together. Small gaps are not for me. We chose a big gap.

Notsa · 05/01/2023 21:58

Mine were 10 and 8 when the youngest was born. Absolutely no negatives for us (but my older two fight like cat and dog). When he was born, I had all day with just him while the older ones were in school and then time after school with them. They were old enough to get involved and they both dote on him. They are now 20, 18 and 10 and my eldest took him away for a few days holiday last year which he loved. Its like he has 4 parents 🤣

Herejustforthisone · 05/01/2023 22:01

It was like being an only child. Siblings are never really relatable until you all reach adulthood.

DesteB · 05/01/2023 22:30

Mine, although grown up now were same as yours. My son was so proud of his sister and they never ever fell out. He was 14 when she started at the same school and he was so proud to take her in in the mornings and she was the same.

They are still good friends and he visits her a few times a week as they live near by.

mezlou84 · 05/01/2023 22:31

We have a 12yr 2mth age gap between our first and second. It's very strange having a new little one around. Then you realise how much you miss having the school hours to yourself to do what you wanted lol once they're not taking as many naps. The only other real issue is doing things as a family, the older ones don't like doing what the younger ones want to do and vice versa. It's amazing having a new little person around and seeing the bonds between siblings form however the now 14yr old and 2yr old still argue and fight pmsl. She will bite him and he will be too rough but its worth it xx

Original poster
adayinparis · 06/01/2023 09:00

Thank you all for both the positive and negative opinions on here.

The negative ones help me think about what to bare in mind and try to avoid when parenting with a big age gap and the positive ones are just so so sweet 🥹😍

OP posts:
PowerhouseOfTheCell · 06/01/2023 11:38

Not me, but my mum and uncle have a similar gap. My uncle was born after many years of infertility so from the day he was born my Nan worshipped the ground he walks on, even now at 40+ he can still do no wrong in her eyes even though he regularly steals from her and actively avoids paying maintenance for his children.

florentina1 · 06/01/2023 11:51

Same age gap here. They have been incredibly close all there lives . They are now middle aged and still support one another.

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