I'm a female in my late thirties. I have a husband and 2 children and have a tight network of friends, although the circle isn't a big one. I'm naturally an introvert, but I'm generally a good communicator and am able to override my instinct to be quiet and shy and be warm and friendly to people. In the past years in work, I have forged good relationships and friendships with people and haven't noticed a difficulty in getting along with people.
I changed jobs last year, and have now encountered someone who literally can't even make eye contact with me when we are working on the same floor. He is friendly with other people, but he will literally act as though I am not there. I share my office with a colleague, and this person will come into our office to chat with my colleague about non work related things and he will literally turn his back on me. He won't even give me a courteous "hello" or a smile as he enters, even though I obviously look up to see who is coming into the room.
I returned to work after Christmas this week, but my office share has got an additional week off. Yesterday this person came into my room to ask me whether my office share had sent off some files before Christmas. He didn't bother with any of the usual niceties of "Hello" or "Happy New Year", he just straight up asked me about what our colleague had done. Although I share the office with another person, we actually work in completely different departments and our jobs have nothing to do with each other, so why he was asking I have no idea as I wouldn't have been able to tell him. I said I wasn't sure as it wasn't my department and he walked off. No "thanks anyway" or "do you know someone who would know", he just walked off.
I know it shouldn't bother me, but it really does that this person is so uninterested in even being polite towards me. I hear him in the corridor and rec room chatting and laughing with everyone else, and it literally feels like he's just got an issue with me. It's started to make me think that there's really something wrong with me.
Weirdly enough, I also have this issue with my brother in law. I don't see him very often, so I don't dwell on it the way I am doing now with this work colleague, but whenever we meet at family gatherings, he finds it impossible to talk to me, look at me or generally acknowledge that I exist. I've told my husband about this (it's his sister's husband). And he thought that I was reading into something that wasn't there. Incidentally my husband gets on incredibly well with him. But at Christmas this year, my husband conceded that I was indeed correct, after making a conscious effort to really notice how my BIL behaved towards me. He agreed that this man won't look at me. When we were in a group of adults and I was speaking, he would look at his drink without looking up once. And when it was his turn to speak, he would make eye contact with everyone in the group as he spoke, except me. My husband was shocked at just how blatant it was that he was so determined not to give any form of acknowledgement. I literally can't think of anything I would have done to cause this behaviour. We hardly see my SIL and BIL and I am always warm and friendly when we meet. I get on very well with my husband's sister (BIL wife) and have a good relationship with their kids when we do see them.
I guess these two incidences cropping up so close together have got me thinking... is there something wrong or unlikeable about me? Am I giving off some vibe which stops these people from even giving me the basics of manners. Of course I can't expect everyone to like me, but surely I should be able to expect everyone I spend time with to be polite towards me? It just seems so crazy that I know two people who act like I'm not there in my presence? AIBU to think there's something wrong with me? Has anyone else encountered something like this? Is this something I can fix? Or do I just need to accept that they are going to continue to behave like that and just try to manage my feelings around it? Any ideas as to why they might behave like this towards me? I can't help but be a little hurt by their behaviour.