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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH says I'm stupid

54 replies

KateLumpy · 05/01/2023 07:13

I made a mistake with when a bill was being taken out of our joint bank account.

It meant it was overdrawn (no overdraft facility) by £15, I noticed within a few hours and I transferred more into the account so it wasn't overdrawn anymore. So I was overdrawn by £15 for maybe 7 hours.

DH says we'll get charged, and I'm stupid for making the mistake.

Is he right, will there be a fee for this? I feel so dumb.

OP posts:
CatJumperTwat · 05/01/2023 07:14

Yes you'll be charged and no you're not stupid. We all make mistakes.

Does he often call you names? Are you both under particular financial stress that might excuse him lashing out?

Wowzers12 · 05/01/2023 07:15

As long as you pay it back on the same day, so before midnight, you won't get charged.

Tell him to get a grip, it's a mistake ffs. Even if you were charged is it really the end of the world?

steff13 · 05/01/2023 07:15

You're not stupid, you made a mistake, which all humans are prone to do. Except your husband, apparently. 😒

If the bank charges a fee, you may be able to call and get them to forgive it, seeing that it was fixed the same day.

dementedpixie · 05/01/2023 07:15

If the overdraft was resolved on the same day it occurred then its likely there won't be a charge. If there is then speak to the bank as they may refund the charge as a gesture of goodwill.

Your dh doesn't sound very nice tbh.

Casmama · 05/01/2023 07:16

If it was my bank then I probably wouldn't get charged if it was rectified on the same day so I wouldnt worry about it too much.
I agree that your husbands name calling could be more of an issue

Original poster
KateLumpy · 05/01/2023 07:20

Thank you I'll phone the bank today and ask them.

He can get stressed, he's a bit highly strung at the moment with work.

I hate making any mistakes but knowing DH blames me I feel like crap. It was so easily avoided. I really thought the payment was coming out was tomorrow.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/01/2023 07:21

My bank texts to say I've got until x time to do it. Yours is likely to do the same.

Your husband can fuck off.

CoffeeLover90 · 05/01/2023 07:21

It's happened to me before, I must also be stupid. I wasn't charged but I'd put the funds in the same day.
Ask your OH, Einstein, to take care of it from now on. He's obviously never made a mistake in his life.

RooBear9 · 05/01/2023 07:23

Bit of an overreaction to be name-calling over such a minor issue. It depends who you bank with as to whether you will get charged. My bank (RBS) sends a text if we go overdrawn and says if you transfer the money by 2pm the same day then there will be no charge.

Hoardasurass · 05/01/2023 07:24

If you bank with HBOS then as long as you noticed before 3pm you will be fine

Original poster
KateLumpy · 05/01/2023 07:27

It's Santander, how much will the charge be, if I am charged? Money is a stress at the moment :(

OP posts:
orbitalcrisis · 05/01/2023 07:32

You're not stupid, everyone makes mistakes. He must be REALLY stupid to let you do everything if he thinks you don't have the intelligence! As for being charged, unless it happens regularly they probably won't charge you a fee. Call the bank and explain just in case, you rectified it within hours so I think they'll be fine with it.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 05/01/2023 07:32

My bank doesn't charge as long as the account is back in credit by 3pm. I'm not with Santander though.

Xrays · 05/01/2023 07:34

Don’t worry about the bank charge, worry about why your dh thinks he can talk to you so horribly when you’ve just made a simple mistake.

ShakespearesBlister · 05/01/2023 07:40

Depends who you bank with. Some charge a few pounds for each day in unauthorized overdraft, some charge nothing. I'm with Halifax and have never been charged. As it was only a few hours I very much doubt you'll be charged but you need to ask your own bank as they are all different.

ThinWomansBrain · 05/01/2023 07:41

worry about why your dh thinks he can talk to you so horribly when you’ve just made a simple mistake.

That lack of respect over such a tiny thing?
Because diddums is "stressed"?
Has he thought about how much a divorce would cost?

Maybe that's extreme if it's a one off, but if it's a constant level of demeaning and disrespecting you to the extent that you have such low esteem and confidence, get out.

SmileyClare · 05/01/2023 07:42

Look up your bank’s terms and conditions under the “charges and fees” section to get a definitive answer.

You can get charges removed simply by phoning and explaining your mistake so worth a try once you’ve found out if you’ve incurred a penalty.

A rather goady title op if you don’t want relationship advice Hmm

ShakespearesBlister · 05/01/2023 07:42

Santander's website says this

When you try to make a payment that would take you into an unarranged overdraft, we make the decision whether to allow or reject the payment based on your individual circumstances. If we allow a payment, it will take you into an unarranged overdraft. We don’t charge fees for allowing or refusing a payment due to lack of funds.

MyBuggyIsOutToGetMe · 05/01/2023 07:42

We’re with Santander and have done this a couple of times. We haven’t been charged as long as we’ve paid money in before midnight the same day.

Original poster
KateLumpy · 05/01/2023 08:01

Thanks so much.

If I tell DH it upset me that he called me stupid, would I sound petty?

My self esteem isn't the best at the moment.

OP posts:
Xrays · 05/01/2023 08:02

KateLumpy · 05/01/2023 08:01

Thanks so much.

If I tell DH it upset me that he called me stupid, would I sound petty?

My self esteem isn't the best at the moment.

Absolutely tell him!

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 05/01/2023 08:03

KateLumpy · 05/01/2023 08:01

Thanks so much.

If I tell DH it upset me that he called me stupid, would I sound petty?

My self esteem isn't the best at the moment.

I'm not surprised if you have a husband who calls you stupid because you accidentally went overdrawn for 7 hours.

How is your marriage generally? He sounds very unpleasant from your posts.

ChrisTrepidation · 05/01/2023 08:06

Is your husband perfect then?

Calling you stupid over a minor mistake is absolutely horrible. The fact that you're not sure you can address it with him is telling. Does he often call your names? Perhaps your low self esteem is due to the way he treats you?

Footle · 05/01/2023 08:09

You're not stupid and I bet you're not lumpy either

Goodread1 · 05/01/2023 08:10

Your husband remark has strayed into Arsehole territory speak,

We all make daft silly mistakes in life
Your husband is delusional if he thinks of himself as perfect L.o.l 😀

Rember psychological emotional abuse is unacceptable
There is even a new law about this type of thing
It's now law that psychological abuse is breaking the law

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