DH says I'm stupid

[KateLumpy]

I made a mistake with when a bill was being taken out of our joint bank account.

It meant it was overdrawn (no overdraft facility) by £15, I noticed within a few hours and I transferred more into the account so it wasn't overdrawn anymore. So I was overdrawn by £15 for maybe 7 hours.

DH says we'll get charged, and I'm stupid for making the mistake.

Is he right, will there be a fee for this? I feel so dumb.

Tell him he is welcome to manage the finances, see if you can move DD so it goes out on pay day perhaps?

Have you got a text alert set up on on line banking for going overdrawn? I received a text once when DH's pay didn't go in on time due to a payroll error. I was able to tf money across whilst the issue was sorted out so didn't pay any bank charges as the account was in credit at close of business. You run the risk of a payment not being honoured if you have no overdraft facility in place.

Of course you aren’t stupid. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of the human condition. No, it’s not petty to tell him you don’t like being called names just because he feels frustrated. You sound anxious about the error beyond the possible monetary cost. Do you often get anxious about how your partner is going to react?

Time to manage your account

If you use an arranged or unarranged overdraft, you'll have until 8pm that day to credit your account with cleared funds and move your balance back into your Arranged Overdraft or into credit and avoid interest.

(From Santander website)

I think it depends who you bank with. My bank used to give a same-day grace period if the money was transferred straight back in.

Either way, it's a perfectly normal and common mistake and no, you're not stupid! Does he call you names a lot?

www.santander.co.uk/personal/support/current-accounts/overdrafts

Tells you more about overdrafts and how to set up alerts

I did a quick search on santander website and this is what I found, using an overdraft calculator.

You may not be charged at all.

You don't know that. I wouldn't be charged by my bank for that.

I'm shocked that you would need to ask. Most couples in a relationship wouldn't think twice about telling their partner that something had upset them like this.

I suspect your low self esteem might have something to do with this man and how he treats you.

I am going a bit devils advocate here as there isn’t enough I for to pass comment.

”oh, that was a bit stupid”. Is the sort of thing we would probably say to each other, and move on. No harm done.

”Oh Ffs your are so f*g stupid, why the fk did you let that happen your stupid fg stupid woman”. Is obviously different.

This is why I hate things like this where people pile on to accuse the husband of all sorts with just a tiny snippet of info to form an opinion from.

Depends on your bank account. Mine has like a 50 quid buffer for unarranged overdrafts where there's no charge.

No you're not stupid. Simple mistakes like this happen. Be sure to pick him up on any similar ones he makes.

I had a text from Nationwide that said I had a bill due to go out and there wasn't enough money in the account, and to pay in by 14:30.

If you haven't already check out MSE OP MoneySavingExpert

The forum especially is very helpful MSE Forum

For @KateLumpy

I disagree. It's a minor mistake that anyone could make. Calling them stupid for it will always be wrong in my opinion.

Communicate how he's hurt your your feelings and offended you.

Don't take advice from strangers on the Internet who will only suggest you leave or escalate. Conflict resolution is important in a marriage because neither of you are perfect.

Get the Halifax Reward Current Account, there are no charges for going overdrawn :)

Let me guess, this isn't the first time Mr. Perfect has called you names.

Your dh shouldn't be calling you stupid. He needs to apologise at least.

You sound fearful of him too. Is this a regular occurrence? I'd be concerned about emotional and verbal abuse, if not more, if so.

I'm with Lloyds and have sometimes forgotten the telephone bill is due out or similar, and as long as you pay in same working day (might be by 3pm? 5pm? not sure), it never charges us for the overdraft

It sounds like you’re both under a lot of pressure at the moment. You shouldn’t be torturing yourself about a mistake and he shouldn’t be blaming you - or calling you names - for making one. If money is so tight though, I can see how this would have escalated.

If he usually a supportive partner, I’d suggest arranging a time to sit down together, accepting that you’re both stressed and discussing how to move forward. Explain how you felt about being called stupid, and expect an apology.

If this isn’t unusual, then I’d be seriously asking whether he is contributing to your stress and whether there are alternatives (LTB!)

OP I've done exactly this before - if I transfer money back the same day as I went overdrawn I do not get charged. Your H needs to chill out, this really isn't a big deal.

I've had texts from Santander that say you have until 8:15pm to rectify it and avaiod any charges.

As an aside, Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe discuss the 'idiot tax' on their podcast. Apparently you should allocate up to £1000 a year for the idiot tax to cover all those silly mistakes that EVERYONE makes and will continue to make throughout their life...because we are human. Yes it's frustrating but it's life. No one is perfect

Your self esteem would be better if your husband wasn't so pass remarkable.

I wouldn't tell him it upset you. I would tell him you don't appreciate being spoken to like that and please don't do it again. Stand up for yourself (if you're safe to do so)

To err is human, to tell your husband to shut the fuck up divine