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Original poster

Would this still bother you or would you see him again?

66 replies

Rivernight · 04/01/2023 17:34

I was dating a guy for 5 months, got on great, lots of chemistry and all the rest of it. Then came valentines day 2022 and not so much of a message from him. I felt a bit shit, more so because I felt as though I was putting more effort in than him beforehand anyway so I thought he might send flowers or at least a nice message but no nothing, radio silence.

I stopped seeing him after this and he must have known the reason why. Anyway we have been in contact sparsely since and he wants us reconnect and I would like to but I am not sure if would be wise or if I trust him with my feeling I suppose. It did hurt me I've got to be honest but maybe I'm making it into a bigger deal than it was/is. Would this bother you or would you give it another chance. It was also a little embarrassing seeing everyone's flowers etc and then being asked what I got 🙃.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 04/01/2023 22:36

Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:22

@Poppyblush he didn't ghost me. He just didn't acknowledge me on Valentines Day, not even a message. He has been trying to reconnect from about March 2022 albeit not putting in a huge effort, more leaving it in my court.

What did you send him on Valentine's day?

ThereIbledit · 04/01/2023 22:37

If you want him around for a shag, go for it. Don't kid yourself that he's a keeper.

GladiatorSandals · 04/01/2023 22:37

I think Valentine’s Day is a capitalist cliché, so I’d expect anyone who’d actually listened to me over the course of several months to have grasped that I would be unlikely to have a hankering for a sickly card and a pink teddy, or a meal with a heart-shaped panne cotta. If he was disappointed I hadn’t bought him some Clinton’s Cards nonsense, then he’s not the one for me.

Isthisexpected · 04/01/2023 22:47

This has nothing to do with Valentine's Day. Let's say he didn't even know it/never acknowledges it etc...you were already noticing he wasn't making as much effort. Seems clear he was seeing other people at the same time and/or was much more casual to him than you.

If he was really interested in you you'd know. You would be in no doubt at all after all this time. Are you sure he wasn't just using you for sex?

Penguinsaregreat · 04/01/2023 22:55

It’s a no from me.

GreenManalishi · 04/01/2023 22:55

I felt as though I was putting more effort in than him beforehand anyway

which is what you might want to concentrate on rather than his non-contact on Valentines day itself. If you feel that there's nobody else you can rope in for a shag at the moment then go for it, but know that what you got last time, you will get again, if you're lucky. He knows know where your standards are, and what you will accept.

He won't put in any more effort on round two or round three than he did on round one.

Nagado · 04/01/2023 23:01

I was dating a guy for 5 months, got on great, lots of chemistry and all the rest of it. Then came valentines day 2022 and not so much of a message from him. I felt a bit shit, more so because I felt as though I was putting more effort in than him beforehand anyway so I thought he might send flowers or at least a nice message but no nothing, radio silence. What was the pattern of contact between you in the five months previous? Did you message every single day? And when did he message you next?

I stopped seeing him after this and he must have known the reason why Why didn’t you tell him? If he never bothers with Valentine’s Day and you’ve told him it’s just not working then he’s not going to have a clue. He’s not a mind reader.

Anyway we have been in contact sparsely since and he wants us reconnect and I would like to but I am not sure if would be wise or if I trust him with my feeling I suppose. So he’s chased after you for nearly a year? He sounds pretty keen to me!

Would this bother you or would you give it another chance It would depend. How much effort did you feel like he was making before? Did you speak to him every single day except 14th, when he vanished, only to reappear on 15th? Did you say to him ‘shall we do something for VD?” Or did you expect him to just know you wanted to celebrate the day?

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 04/01/2023 23:06

WinterFoxes · 04/01/2023 18:02

It's Valentine's Day in a few weeks' time. How would you feel if it happened again?

IME people treat you as badly as you let them get away with. I would let him know that you are looking for a loving respectful partner not a casual hook up and you didn't get the impression from your last connection with him, that this was how he saw your relationship. That would explain to him that you won't be readily available if he can't even be bothered to make an effort.

Perfect, say this to him, one last chance and some good nooky and see where it goes. 😁

OrlandointheWilderness · 04/01/2023 23:08

Valentines is a funny one - so people love it, some it doesn't register with. With my DP for the first time I dropped it into conversation (subtle like a brick me 😂) that I hated any over the top displays of cheap Tesco roses and soft toys but a card would be appreciated. Valentines rolls around and lo and behold, a card! Jobs a good un. Some men genuinely don't think about it and I find it best to lay out expectations first time round!

Isthisexpected · 04/01/2023 23:18

This made me think of you!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4712767-i-think-the-man-i-am-seeing-is-giving-me-a-slow-fade

KatherineJaneway · 04/01/2023 23:29

I'd think he was tight and walk away

Testina · 04/01/2023 23:35

Blanking is one up on one of my Valentine’s Days.
Received a text, “hey, not really feeling it for Valentine’s”.
As I’m as far from a tatty teddy card lover as you can get, as was he, I did actually have to call to say, “I think you just dumped me by text, but I’m only 90% so can we confirm that?”
Yep - dumped. By text. On Valentine’s.
Bizarrely, we are still friends 🤣

Angrymum202 · 05/01/2023 00:02

Please read the book ‘He’s just not that into you’

Kitkatcatflap · 01/08/2023 04:24

Any chance of an update OP? You were going to wait and see if he did anything or acknowledged Valentine's Day? Did he?

DoubleTime · 01/08/2023 23:14

If this is the case - 'he must have known the reason why' - why hasn't he explained/discussed it with you any of these times he tried to get back together with you ? And if he didn't realise, hasn't he asked you what went wrong last time ?

DoubleTime · 02/08/2023 07:25

DoubleTime · 01/08/2023 23:14

If this is the case - 'he must have known the reason why' - why hasn't he explained/discussed it with you any of these times he tried to get back together with you ? And if he didn't realise, hasn't he asked you what went wrong last time ?

Just noticed this is an old thread. Hope it all worked out OP.

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