Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this still bother you or would you see him again?

66 replies

Rivernight · 04/01/2023 17:34

I was dating a guy for 5 months, got on great, lots of chemistry and all the rest of it. Then came valentines day 2022 and not so much of a message from him. I felt a bit shit, more so because I felt as though I was putting more effort in than him beforehand anyway so I thought he might send flowers or at least a nice message but no nothing, radio silence.

I stopped seeing him after this and he must have known the reason why. Anyway we have been in contact sparsely since and he wants us reconnect and I would like to but I am not sure if would be wise or if I trust him with my feeling I suppose. It did hurt me I've got to be honest but maybe I'm making it into a bigger deal than it was/is. Would this bother you or would you give it another chance. It was also a little embarrassing seeing everyone's flowers etc and then being asked what I got 🙃.

OP posts:
Polarbearyfairy · 04/01/2023 17:57

You'll get more response if you ask for this to be moved to relationships.

"He must have known...." unless he is a mind reader he probably has no idea.

However - they say that past behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour, you said you thought you put in more effort - so no, I would just move on and don't be an "option" for him when he fancies a shag.

TiredButAlive · 04/01/2023 18:01

Not everyone is really into Valentine's Day. It's become very commercial and Americanised. Unless you have evidence that he normally gives flowers and chocolates etc to women and has treated you very differently then it's a silly thing to get hung up on.

AceofPentacles · 04/01/2023 18:02

Yes it would bother me as I'd think we weren't on the same page, feelings wise. I'd not entertain him for another more of the same!

WinterFoxes · 04/01/2023 18:02

It's Valentine's Day in a few weeks' time. How would you feel if it happened again?

IME people treat you as badly as you let them get away with. I would let him know that you are looking for a loving respectful partner not a casual hook up and you didn't get the impression from your last connection with him, that this was how he saw your relationship. That would explain to him that you won't be readily available if he can't even be bothered to make an effort.

LightSpeeds · 04/01/2023 18:03

WinterFoxes · 04/01/2023 18:02

It's Valentine's Day in a few weeks' time. How would you feel if it happened again?

IME people treat you as badly as you let them get away with. I would let him know that you are looking for a loving respectful partner not a casual hook up and you didn't get the impression from your last connection with him, that this was how he saw your relationship. That would explain to him that you won't be readily available if he can't even be bothered to make an effort.

This

CrikeySusan · 04/01/2023 18:04

Has he waited until after Christmas for this reconnection? 👀

I don't b know if I would have been arsed so much about valentines day as I'm not really into it myself but I would expect a bit of attention/excitement/planning nice things generally whatever the time of year.

But no, it wouldn't hurt me if someone I was in a relationship with didn't do anything for Valentine's Day as long as everything else felt good.

Original poster
Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:09

@CrikeySusan no he has been trying to reconnect since before Christmas.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 04/01/2023 18:15

If you want a man who can read your mind, he's not the one for you.

HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli · 04/01/2023 18:17

Some people (in fact, most people that I know) don’t really ‘do’ Valentine’s Day at all. Did he know you were expecting to mark it/celebrate? If that was the only thing that was wrong I would just put it down to crossed wires/mismatched expectations. Make sure he knows this for year though! 💘

Poppyblush · 04/01/2023 18:18

Why did he ghost you last year and why has it taking him so long to reconnect? Based on his behaviour, why would you bother going back there?

ThuMuClu · 04/01/2023 18:18

Not doing anything for Valentine’s Day wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker - I don’t like it myself, but recognise that participating is kind of evidence of making an effort - but without talking to him
it is impossible for you to know if it’s a deal breaker for you. I think the suggestion above about you looking for something more committed and not being sure you are on the same page is a good one.

365names · 04/01/2023 18:19

I don’t like Valentine’s Day and a card will do me fine but I’d be clear on expectations and what is important to you

Begoniasforever · 04/01/2023 18:20

WallaceinAnderland · 04/01/2023 18:15

If you want a man who can read your mind, he's not the one for you.

Oh give over. Some of the bullshit answers on here. Celebrating valentines day is common practice ffs

op, it doesn’t get better if you go back. So make your boundaries clear.

365names · 04/01/2023 18:20

Ps used to know one dickhead man that always made up a petty argument around valentines and her birthday to avoid buying anything - he’s still single at 47 ! Dick

Original poster
Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:22

@Poppyblush he didn't ghost me. He just didn't acknowledge me on Valentines Day, not even a message. He has been trying to reconnect from about March 2022 albeit not putting in a huge effort, more leaving it in my court.

OP posts:
stormywaves · 04/01/2023 18:22

Valentine's is a bit tacky imho. Did he know it meant a bit more to you than him? Did you suggest anything for this day or do anything for it, send him a message or suggest a night in etc?

Original poster
Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:24

@Begoniasforever Thank you. I think I'm going to give it one last try. What would you suggest I say to him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:27

@stormywaves I was expecting at least a message. When I didn't even receive that then I started to wonder if that was his way of saying he doesn't want anything further.

I should probably communicate with him this time but I'm not sure how to word it.

OP posts:
ICanHideButICantRun · 04/01/2023 18:27

No, don't give it one last try, ffs!

Read the utterly miserable threads on here from women who don't get a birthday card, present or even a "happy birthday". Read the recent threads where women haven't had a Christmas present from the one person who's supposed to love them. Then think of him. Five months in - the most romantic time - he couldn't even text you a Valentine's message. No. Don't go there again.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 04/01/2023 18:28

I wouldn't have given it a second thought. Did you make it clear you did valentine's day in advance?
If stuff like that is important to you you're probably not compatible. You can't expect him to be a mind reader.

Original poster
Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:30

@ICanHideButICantRun I'm thinking that it is only around 6 weeks time to either end it or continue as I will make my decision after this Valentines Day as I know he knows I was upset about it and if he doesn't put in any effort then I have my answer and can them move on knowing it was the right decision.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:31

@Alwayswonderedwhy he is not soft. Not even a message!!!

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/01/2023 18:33

It wouldn't surprise me to find out that he had another girlfriend round about Valentine's Day and treated her.

Then they had a relationship until a short while ago, and now he wants to reconnect with you because they've split up.

Original poster
Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:35

@TheShellBeach he has wanted to reconnect since it happened, more so around March 2022 when he realised I have pulled back.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/01/2023 18:36

Rivernight · 04/01/2023 18:35

@TheShellBeach he has wanted to reconnect since it happened, more so around March 2022 when he realised I have pulled back.

Ah okay. I didn't realise that, sorry.

Swipe left for the next trending thread