Perfect 50th centile since birth, beautifully neat hair at all times, never snotty nosed and certainly never caught sucking thumb or with a finger rummaging for a bogey.
Limited screen time and never cries for it. Happiest with educational foreign language programming only in occasional 10 minute doses. Certainly doesn’t zombify in front of unlimited CBeebies or watch inappropriate YouTube content over a sibling’s shoulder.
Seldom snacks, but will occasionally ask for a homemade sugar free organic date and lentil cracker with cashew butter. Eats vegetables first at every meal and uses cutlery beautifully. Drinks with 100% accuracy from a glass. Water only, obvs.
Plays contentedly in silence with one toy at a time before putting it away neatly and moving on. Favours secondhand wooden toys which are never weaponised and thrown at a sibling’s head. Wouldn’t dream of hitting.
LOVES bedtime. Asks to go upstairs and compliantly follows bath, teeth, book routine as Generic MNetter has instilled a solid routine since birth. More than willing to wait for a gro clock to indicate the appropriate time to get up - even when mummy and daddy add an extra half hour at weekends.
What have I forgotten? Sadly I have 2 RL preschoolers currently parked in front of Moana so this is all but a dream.