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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not inviting my partner’s dad to my daughter’s party?

76 replies

JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:02

So, I'm organising a birthday party for my daughter's birthday with my ex. My new girlfriend has just been introduced to my ex and that circle of friends, which is great, but she wants to invite her dad to the party as well. My ex hasn't met him yet although my children all have and like him.

I personally think it might not be quite the right occasion to be introducing him, as it might blindside my ex, and I've upset my partner by not inviting him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ElephantInTheKitchen · 04/01/2023 11:04

Tricky one; could you arrange for your partner to meet your new girlfriend's dad before the party?

GreenManalishi · 04/01/2023 11:04

You don't get to go to the birthday party of your daughters new boyfriends child. He's a grown up, he needs to hold his horses and wait to be introduced at a time that works for you and your daughter.

WandaWonder · 04/01/2023 11:04

no I don't think he needs to be there

Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2023 11:05

He has no reason to be there and if your GF is sulking about it have a rethink about that relationship

Everydaywheniwakeup · 04/01/2023 11:06

I think it would be more odd for me that he wanted to attend my boyfriend's daughters birthday party. Noone wants to attend children's birthday parties.

RandomPerson42 · 04/01/2023 11:06

I don’t see why you can’t invite him, you’re arranging the party so it’s none of your ex’s business imho.

YellowHpok · 04/01/2023 11:07

Why on earth would he want to be there??

Focus on co-parenting your daughter, your new girlfriends dad really shouldn't feature at all in any of this.

RandomPerson42 · 04/01/2023 11:08

I bet he probably doesn’t even know about the aprty and won’t be bothered, it’s the new girlfriend wanting someone on her side there.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 04/01/2023 11:08

Unless I'm reading this incorrectly, I find it really odd that she would feel strongly about having him there and that he would want to attend. Assuming your daughter is a child it's not the right time for these kind of introductions imo.

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 04/01/2023 11:10

Surely your daughter gets to choose who she wants to invite to her party? I'd be surprised if she chose to invite her dad's girlfriend's dad.

But your ex doesn't need to have met someone for them to be able to spend time with you/the child. Likewise, there will presumably be people in your ex's life who you haven't met. You have to trust each other's judgement if you are to co-parent well.

Pixiedust1234 · 04/01/2023 11:11

No. A child's birthday party is not the right occasion. Everyone should be focusing on the birthday child and not be trying to make an adult feel included in the "new family".

If gf is upset about this then it might be time to let her go. She's trying to get yours (and others) attention on her at the expense of a child, your child. Thats nasty behaviour and doesn't bode well for future parenting.

Taxistaxing · 04/01/2023 11:11

Weird, seriously weird. Since when does a girlfriend dictate anything for a birthday of a non related child.

Alexandernevermind · 04/01/2023 11:11

How old is she? Are we talking 18th in a village hall, or 6th at a soft play?

Ragwort · 04/01/2023 11:14

Of course he's not invited, in fact why is your 'new' GF invited? Who even wants to go to a child's birthday party ?

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 11:18

Your girlfriend doesn't get to dictate who attends your child's party.

Rumplestrumpet · 04/01/2023 11:20

Why on earth does he want to come? Does he even?! Seems weird for your new girlfriend to be fussed about it.

Crunchymum · 04/01/2023 11:23

Your new GF sounds pushy and overbearing.

I assume you have gone from a straight to gay relationship @JohnnyP3n ?

Your DC's birthday party isn't the time or place for people to be meeting a "new" partners family.

And on the subject - how new is new? How long has this GF been on the scene?

Original poster
JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:25

Thanks for the replies. So to answer:
party is tomorrow. So no time to intro to ex. He’s down visiting and GF has asked today if he can come.

It’s my daughter’s 10th birthday. So a small milestone.

GF invited as she’s been a big part of their lives for the past six months (they’ve really taken to her).

Her dad has spent some time over the past month or so meeting the kids (he spent Christmas with us) and they all get on well.

I said no as I felt it might still be too soon and not the right occasion. I can tell she’s upset (quiet more than angry) but she’s not having a meltdown over it. It just made me think that I might be unreasonable.

OP posts:
Ihatethenewlook · 04/01/2023 11:26

If he’s honestly trying to gatecrash a child’s birthday party then he has the mentality of a 5yo. Why would it even cross his mind that he’d be wanted there, let alone actually try to invite himself??

Fireflygal · 04/01/2023 11:27

Your NEW gf wants her Dad at your child's birthday???

Weird! Cannot think of a reason but appears as if she is trying to force a situation

GreyTS · 04/01/2023 11:28

This is so weird no? I've been with my boyfriend 3 years and his dad (wtf!?!) would have zero interest in attending their birthday parties, I mean how has your child even me this person who would surely be very peripheral in their life??

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 11:28

Is she asking if he can come just so he's not the only person not attending and isn't left on his own?

If so, that's a bit different.

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 11:29

Ihatethenewlook · 04/01/2023 11:26

If he’s honestly trying to gatecrash a child’s birthday party then he has the mentality of a 5yo. Why would it even cross his mind that he’d be wanted there, let alone actually try to invite himself??

None of it is coming from him.

Taxistaxing · 04/01/2023 11:30

Nope if she is concerned about her adult father being left on his own, then she should stay home with him...big part of your lives for six whole months...wow ffs

EmmaDilemma5 · 04/01/2023 11:31

Your new girlfriends dad has literally nothing to do with your child. They aren't related and have no relationship yet. Perhaps in a few years time they'll be seen as some kind of step grandparent but nowhere near that now.

So YANBU. If your gf is difficult about this, let it be a warning to you. I'd want to meet a partner that encourages a good co-parenting situation for my child. Not a trouble maker.

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