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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not inviting my partner’s dad to my daughter’s party?

76 replies

JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:02

So, I'm organising a birthday party for my daughter's birthday with my ex. My new girlfriend has just been introduced to my ex and that circle of friends, which is great, but she wants to invite her dad to the party as well. My ex hasn't met him yet although my children all have and like him.

I personally think it might not be quite the right occasion to be introducing him, as it might blindside my ex, and I've upset my partner by not inviting him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WinnieFosterReads · 04/01/2023 12:00

If no grandparents are going to be there then I don't understand why this is even a question. You don't want your DD to have to explain to her friends that no the old man isn't her grandfather and actually her grandparents aren't there but that's her dad's new gf's dad.

It's a bit odd that you've brought this to MN. Is there a male forum directing posters here? I only ask because there's been a spate of AIBU from men where their partners are obviously being UR and the men are having a 'dilemma' where really there isn't one.

Taxistaxing · 04/01/2023 12:01

@JohnnyP3n what do you and your DD have to appreciate your gf (of six whole months) and her dad (whom you can't have spent that much time with) for?

Crunchymum · 04/01/2023 12:05

You're having a party in a park on a Thursday in January? Alright mate.

Original poster
JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 12:05

WinnieFosterReads · 04/01/2023 12:00

If no grandparents are going to be there then I don't understand why this is even a question. You don't want your DD to have to explain to her friends that no the old man isn't her grandfather and actually her grandparents aren't there but that's her dad's new gf's dad.

It's a bit odd that you've brought this to MN. Is there a male forum directing posters here? I only ask because there's been a spate of AIBU from men where their partners are obviously being UR and the men are having a 'dilemma' where really there isn't one.

To be honest, I don’t know any other forums that would help and historically I’ve always found MN to be full of great advise, especially from a female perspective.

OP posts:
Original poster
JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 12:05

Crunchymum · 04/01/2023 12:05

You're having a party in a park on a Thursday in January? Alright mate.

I live in Australia.

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 04/01/2023 12:08

If your GF doesn't want to leave her Dad alone then she doesn't need to attend the party. That would be less weird than her Dad attending.

MelchiorsMistress · 04/01/2023 12:09

She’s trying to make your child’s party be about her. That is not a good sign.

catandcoffee · 04/01/2023 12:13

Let your girlfriend stay at home with her Dad,while you attend the party.
Problem solved.

starfishmummy · 04/01/2023 12:26

JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:25

Thanks for the replies. So to answer:
party is tomorrow. So no time to intro to ex. He’s down visiting and GF has asked today if he can come.

It’s my daughter’s 10th birthday. So a small milestone.

GF invited as she’s been a big part of their lives for the past six months (they’ve really taken to her).

Her dad has spent some time over the past month or so meeting the kids (he spent Christmas with us) and they all get on well.

I said no as I felt it might still be too soon and not the right occasion. I can tell she’s upset (quiet more than angry) but she’s not having a meltdown over it. It just made me think that I might be unreasonable.

I think that is different then. He's her house guest (your houseguest too if you and she live together) and not asking him while everyone else gallivanting off is pretty shitty.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 04/01/2023 12:33

I think people are making this into more than it is.
OP does not say they've only been together 6 months, he says she's been a big part of the children's lives for six months.
The dad is staying with them. The dad spend Christmas with them. The children like the dad. If he comes along presumably he'll chat to the adults. The kids won't bat an eyelid they'll only be interested in the activity. Some of the replies are making it sound like he's introducing them for the first time. So what if the ex hasn't met him. I don't see the big deal.

Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2023 12:36

JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:57

Could be someone to talk to but GF is confident enough to be around the ex and her friends. I think it’s more about wanting to make her dad feel appreciated while he’s here

Show quote history

Oh he’s one of those. Needs to feel appreciated

gogohmm · 04/01/2023 12:37

Could it be that she wants someone to talk to knowing you will be busy? Also if he's down visiting perhaps she feels bad leaving him

Nogreens · 04/01/2023 12:49

Your daughter's birthday party is not the place for your girlfriend's dad to feel appreciated.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 04/01/2023 12:56

I assume the party is just a few hours? I agree it's not really appropriate for your GF's dad to be there given the circumstances in your updates. I'm sure he will be ok for a few hours and then you can do something afterwards. Or as PP suggested she can keep him company while the party is on and you all meet up after.

Ellie1015 · 04/01/2023 12:58

If girlfriend normally prioritises her dad while he visits it is likely that she is just feeling a bit awkward about leaving him for party. I expect she also wants to attend party.

She is being quiet, not complaining she probably understands if she doesn't that is a concern.

Her dad will be fine on his own for a few hours. Gf will realise that and you also have done nothing wrong.

Not appropriate for gf's dad to come especially when grandparents arent coming.

PearlclutchersInc · 04/01/2023 12:58

In a word, no.

Not the right time or place.

TiaraBoo · 04/01/2023 13:17

I think it’s rude not inviting him along to an event you’re hosting but weird if he came along as the only ‘grandparent’ aged invitee.
Maybe girlfriend and dad can come along to say hi and then go for coffee.

Hobbesmanc · 04/01/2023 13:26

It's a park party. In Australia. Presumably several different ages. He's staying with the family. They had Christmas together. Everyone seems to get on. It's a nice blended family that seems to be a success

Why can't he be there. Would be odd to leave him at home.

FleasNavidad · 04/01/2023 13:39

"It's a park party. In Australia. Presumably several different ages. He's staying with the family. They had Christmas together. Everyone seems to get on. It's a nice blended family that seems to be a success

Why can't he be there. Would be odd to leave him at home."

Exactly. Why would your ex care if she's not bothered about the GF and knows the kids spent Christmas with him? Bizarre. You just introduce them briefly.

"Hi Charlotte, this is John, Sarah's Dad...John, this is Charlotte, Sophie's Mum." Job done.

Testina · 04/01/2023 13:49

10 is not a milestone 🤣
And a run around in the park is not an intimate arrangement.

If your daughter’s friend arrived, and their dad said, “hey - we were going to hang around, it’s a lovely day. By the way, this is my mum who’s staying for Xmas” I expect it’d be “g’day” all round.

If it’s quite simply that he’s staying with you and fancies the trip out - no big deal. Polite to message your ex and say is it OK? But I don’t see why introductions are necessary.

GreenManalishi · 04/01/2023 13:59

You clearly don't feel comfortable about it, or you wouldn't be asking the question.

As a new partner your GF needs to appreciate that you are organising the birthday party as a joint venture with your ex, and graciously accept that her father isn't invited. I feel she's overstepping by being upset that he's not been automatically included, and could do with settling herself down a bit and sitting this one out and taking him for lunch.

There will be loads and loads of instances in the future, if you stay together, where she's not going to be number one, and now is a good time for her to get her head around that. Don't let her put you in the middle between her and the mother of your children at your kids party. It would be better if she could show some grace and maybe get together after the party for dinner together rather than wedging her and her dad in and making you feel uncomfortable.

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 14:10

Testina · 04/01/2023 13:49

10 is not a milestone 🤣
And a run around in the park is not an intimate arrangement.

If your daughter’s friend arrived, and their dad said, “hey - we were going to hang around, it’s a lovely day. By the way, this is my mum who’s staying for Xmas” I expect it’d be “g’day” all round.

If it’s quite simply that he’s staying with you and fancies the trip out - no big deal. Polite to message your ex and say is it OK? But I don’t see why introductions are necessary.

Double figures is a milestone for lots of people

Tannedandfake · 04/01/2023 14:11

catandcoffee · 04/01/2023 12:13

Let your girlfriend stay at home with her Dad,while you attend the party.
Problem solved.

This ☝️
6 months is barely any time at all

coconutpie · 04/01/2023 15:16

Your gf of 6 months wants to bring her dad? Eh no, totally inappropriate. Your gf should stay at home to entertain her dad. I don't even think the gf should be there, it seems like things have moved way too fast if she's that much involved in the DC's life after a mere 6 months.

BrownEyedGhoul · 04/01/2023 15:20

She's your new girlfriend. She shouldn't be a big part of hyour kids lives. And she really shouldn't be insisting on inviting people to your kids birthday party. The whole sitch has more red flags than a communist parade.